<< Nice Guys Never Get Laid >>

by SYN 72 Replies latest members adult

• 

  Jim_TX

  While reading this thread, something occurred to me. At least two of the gals here posted thoughts regarding age.

  So - it seems that gals - and also possibly guys - look at age as a factor in deciding whether they want to have a relationship with one another.

  I find that this is somewhat discriminatory. It also shows a slight immaturity which, well, better discovered up front than later on.

  I have two great friends locally who are married (well, not officially but they have lived together for over 12 or so years, and have two children). Joe is 48 (or so), and Sheri is 30 (or so).

  These are the sweetest people I know. They work together very harmoniously - in whatever they do. They even cook in the kitchen together. Something that I have not seen before (ok, I've lived a sheltered life).

  Joe doesnt look his age - in fact, it's probably Sheri that helps keep him young -grin-.

  I personally, do not go looking for a specific age when I talk to folks I just get to know them. If, later I find out their age I certainly dont say, "Oh, too bad. You're too young (or old) for me." and then walk away.

  I do know of an instance of a guy who did this to a very nice lady. I still think he was/is a jerk. He also hurt - very deeply - the feelings of the gal who he spoke those words to. (It also caused this gal to question her self-worth - and she is thinking right now that she is unattractive, and not worth much, which is not true.)

  But - thats just me, and my .02 worth.

  Regards,

  Jim TX

  Edited by - Jim_TX on 26 July 2002 11:23:55
• 

  SpiceItUp

  Jim--as far as the age thing goes---I generally try to stay within 10 years of my own age (but thats not saying I wouldn't break that rule for the "right" guy)

  Come on Jim--how is that discriminatory.

  ((((((Jim))))) not trying to fight with ya.

  I don't even ask the age question if I am automatically drawn to someone but you also have to look at a generation gap. Not to mention some of my apperhension if because of a bad relationship with my father. If I were to date etc a guy that is my fathers age it would feel very wrong to me. I think that the abused suffered comes into play and my emotional level usually will block it. If that makes me immature then I guess so be it. But I also don't feel that me having an emotional breakdown if worth it.

  BTW----I know of alot of guys that like the "younger" ladies which ultimately leads to me finding someone in my own age group that much harder. *sigh* guess thats why I am still single because I refuse to settle. (and by settle I mean I refuse to just take any man that shows interest in me--he has to keep my interest as well no matter what age he is)
• 

  WildHorses

  Jim, I myself haver always liked older men. When I was eighteen I dated a man who was 33. Just last year I went out with a man who was in his early 50's. If I like a man I don't care what age he is.
• 

  Incense_and_Peppermints

  nice guys are wimps!

  bad boys are boring!

  there are other options you know. like poetic intellectuals, i.e. artists and musicians. i also have a thing for bi-sexual men. i don't know why that is, but i find them unbelievably sexy!
• 

  Trauma_Hound

  I guess I'm a nice guy in a bad boy body. :) I agree that your mate/lover/girlfriend should come first, how ever I disagree that it should be one sided. Yes you should be a gentlman, open the door etc, but is it fair to expect the guy to do everything, to pursue you? I think that's kind of a game, and I've chosen to remain single untill I find that person, that wants to share in the relationship equally. Don't get me wrong, I have been pursude myself, to the point of obsession, when I did nothing to reciprocate, but I was honest, and made clear I wasn't interested in anything but a friendship, and no we never slept together, so I wasn't giving the wrong impression at first. However, if I find someone interesting, to the point of wanting a relationship with that person, then I think it's only fair, they be completely up front and honest with me, and not play these kind of games, treat me the way you want me to treat you, or don't waste my time, and I think that's completely fair. If a relationship get's serious, then it should be a partnership, you got my back, I got yours, we're there for each other, not one sided.

  And if you are in a monogamas relationship, and you cheat on your partner, I think that's absolutely wrong, if you have these urges to be with someone else, then maybe you shouldn't be in a relationship at all. Above all else, always be honest with your partner, keep communication going, most arguments I've ever had in past relationships, were simpley the lack of communication. People are human, they make mistakes, it's how you handle those sitations that make the person you are. I think alot of arguments could be eliviated, just by talking about it, and respecting what the other person has to say, all feelings are valid, regardless of what got you to those feelings. Something that's not a big deal to you, maybe a big deal to another person, if you understand this, then things can go alot smoother. Mutal respect for the other persons feelings.

  Edited by - Trauma_Hound on 26 July 2002 17:17:52
• 

  Dutchie

  Hi Tauma Hound, I used that word "pursued" so I think you are addressing your post to me?

  Anyway, I certainly didn't mean for it to sound so one-sided. I believe in sharing equal responsibility in the relationship.

  However, I must admit that I like being wooed and as evidence that I am being wooed and that the man appreciates that I am interested in him, he will do things to please me. Is that wrong?
• 

  joannadandy

  THE TRUTH ABOUT NICE GUYS-

  From my point of view...

  I love nice guys. I dated bad boys, but quickly got over that. (tho sometimes ya can't help it, some bad boys pretend to be nice at first to sucker you in) If you are a man, and you get told "I'm sorry, you're just too nice" It's not that you are nice at all, it's that there is something major wrong with you. For example: you live with your mother, pick your nose, think a black t-shirt is dressy, burp in old peoples faces, snore, or any other number of petty reasons. The truth is we want to break up with you, and rather than say, "You suck ass!" we simply say "you are too nice" Because generally the guys with afore mentioned bad habbits/traits have shitty self-esteem, and we know this. So to save your poor souls, we sacrifice ourselves and pull the standard 'It's not you it's me!" line. I think it all stems to female/nurturing crap.

  Frankly I love nice guys. I am in the market for one myself.

  Have I ever used the "you're too nice" Yes because I was totally NOT attracted to this guy, and he lived with his mom, and was too old for me anyway. He was really nice, but that's not why I got rid of him. I told him he was too nice, because I am not nice, and I am a vain shallow girl who didn't want him.

  And that's the truth in Joanna's World...
• 

  joannadandy

  So - it seems that gals - and also possibly guys - look at age as a factor in deciding whether they want to have a relationship with one another. I find that this is somewhat discriminatory. It also shows a slight immaturity which, well, better discovered up front than later on.

  Jim--age does factor. It factors less the older you get. I am not saying it is the sole thing I base interest on, but it does factor in. (By the way, I have always dated guys older than me, generally 8-10 years older than me--so I want no comment on how I discriminate or that I am immature)

  The truth is tho, it does matter. When I have dated older guys and an old song comes on the radio, and I wrinkle my nose, they say "How can you not love this song?" And I have to reply with "Probably because their last album came out before I was born" Or they say "Do you remember when Regan was talking about...", and I have to say..."hun I was playing with Barbies, not reading the Washington Post". Frame of reference and place in life (ie. ready for retirement vs. ready to get the first real job) does put a tension on a relationship.

  Is it wrong to judge someone based on age upfront. I think yes, you could be missing out. Is it reasonable to realize a relationship will not work with someone so much older or younger than yourself, of course.
• 

  Trauma_Hound

  That's good dutchie, hey joanne I resemble that remark, I happen to like black, though my black shirts, are usually very stylish, like red and silver flames on them.
• 

  Prisca

  Just to clarify my comments regarding AGE.....

  Personally, I've always preferred guys who were older than me. Started with a crush when I was 5 and he was 10, and it's gone on from there (hey, when you're 5 years old, a 10yr old is twice your age!!)

  Nowadays, I am still attracted to older men. In the sense that I find men my age or younger too immature for me. As a child I was surrounded by adults, and had to deal with experiences most kids my age don't, so I was used to dealing with people on a more mature plane to me. So it doesn't bother me to be around guys 10 or more years older than me, because that's the level I'm used to.

  However.....

  There is also the practical side to it.

  I would like to have children. So any relationship I go into, I do look at my partner as a possible father for my children. And I would like him to be around to see our future children grow up and have kids of their own. I don't want a partner who will be too old to do this. I would like someone who has reasonable health of their own, so that I won't become a widow in 10-15 years time. And I don't want my children to grow up with the pain of seeing one of their parents die before they become an adult, like I did. I would like to have a partner who still has the energy to help raise and look after little kids.

  I'm sorry if that seems discrimatory, but to me, that's no different to men saying they have certain preferences when it comes to women.

  It all comes down to what we want.