Waiting's Never-ending Joke Thread

by Seven 305 Replies latest social humour

  • Seven
    Seven

    Happy Monday! A lady stopped at a discount store to pick up several items on her way home from the office. After waiting in line she finally got up to the cashier and discovered that one of her items
    had no price tag. Much to her embarrassment the cashier got on the intercom and boomed out for the entire store to hear: "Price check on lane thirteen, Tampax, Supersize." As if that wasn't bad enough, somebody at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word "tampax" for "thumbtacks." In a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom: "Do you want the kind you push in with your thumb or the kind you pound in with a hammer?"

  • unclebruce
    unclebruce

    That's disgusting 7,

    ...but very funny!

    cheers and thanks, unclebruce.

    (Sorry I don't know any jokes)

  • Angharad
    Angharad

    Joe was visiting a friend's rubber factory one day. They entered the first room, to the loud sound of 'Bang , Hish, Bang, Hish
    "What are you making here?" ashed Joe
    "Teats for a baby's bottle " replied the owner. "The bang makes the teat and the hish puts the hole in the end"
    The next room was fitted with different sounds "Bang, Bang, Bang, Bang, Hish, Bang, Bang"
    "This is where we make the condoms" said the owner
    "So why do the machine go hish every now and then" asked Joe
    "Well" explained the owner "We have to make sure there are enough babies for our teats"

    Edited by - angharad on 26 February 2001 4:42:49

  • waiting
    waiting

    A magician had for his companion a very talented, talkative parrot. The one annoying aspect of the parrot was that he could figure out the magician's tricks - and then boldly announce them to the audience before the trick was completed.

    The magician felt he needed a change of scenery, so he booked a gig on a cruise liner. The parrot remained true to form - giving all the magic secrets away to the audience. On the fifth evening, the cruise liner had mechanical problems and everyone had to evacuate the ship. The ship sank slowly into the ocean, leaving the survivors to wait for a rescue to arrive.

    The magician sat in his little boat in dispair while the parrot watched him - day after day - never taking his beady little eyes off the magician. Finally, on the third day, the magician yelled at the parrot "What! Why do you keep staring at me day after day?"

    The parrot - looking suspiciously at the magician said, "Ok, I give up. What'd ya do with the boat?"

    waiting

  • Nomen Clature
    Nomen Clature

    This is great! A JW humour forum. Someone sent me this page, I'm sure I'll return often.

    Seven, yikes! lol.

    Anharad, rofl, so thats how I ended up with a kiddo.

    Waiting, ...groan. ;)

    So...Anyone know: what is black and white and red all over, and can't turn around in an elevator? (this is always a big hit at the KH, btw)

  • Sassenach
    Sassenach
    So...Anyone know: what is black and white and red all over, and can't turn around in an elevator? (this is always a big hit at the KH, btw)

    A nun with a speer through her neck?

    What's black and white and black and white and black and white and black.....?

    A nun falling down the stairs.

    Those jokes were pretty popular in the catholic school system as well

  • larc
    larc

    A mother was taking her daughter to her daughter's friend's house. On the way, the daughter asked her mother how old she was. Her mother told her that was a very impolite question to ask an adult. A little later on the trip, the daughter asked how much she weighed and again the mother told her that was a very impolite question to ask. A little more time went by and the daughter asked why her mother and father got a divorce. Again, the mother told her that was not the kind of question to ask an adult. Well, the little girl was bothered and when she got to her friend's house she told her the story. Her friend told her that she could find out all that information on her mother's driver's license, so when she got home she snuck into her mother's purse and found her license. She told her mother. "I know how old you are you're 38." The mother said, "How did you know that?" And I also know, the girl added, that you weigh 135 pounds, and I also know why you got divorced because you got an F in sex.

  • larc
    larc

    Waiting,

    I loved your parrot joke. Half way through my joke, I didn't know if I wanted to spend the energy to finish it, plus when I write my longest posts, I get this message that says, "Invalid password", then I cuss and fume a lot.

  • Angharad
    Angharad

    TRANSLATION - M62 & M1 (Motorway, Freeway)

    Two chunks of tramac are in a bar.
    "I'm a part of the M62" said one
    "Your not as hard as me" said the other "I'm part of the M1"

    A while later a chuck of red tarmac comes in and the M1 chunk runs out, later after the red tarmac has gone the M1 comes back.

    "If your so hard, why did you run away from the red tarmac" says the M62

    M1 replies "I may be hard, but he was a cycle path"

    Its terrible I know

  • Seven
    Seven

    Happy Tuesday! Nomen, Welcome to the board. Larc, Sass, Waiting and Ang, good ones. [email protected] "cycle path." When I started this thread I thought I'd get enough jokes via email to keep it going for awhile. I guessed wrong. An example of this mornings twisted mail leaves me thinking that tomorrow's got to be better.

    Your Personal Day of Death. A reminder that life is slipping away while you sit at the keyboard: http://www.deathclock.com/

    Real Place Names From Around the World:
    Dong Rack(Thailand-Cambodia border)
    Lord Berkeley's Knob(Sutherland,Scotland
    Lickey End(West Midlands, UK)
    Twatt(Shetland,UK)
    Wet Beaver Creek(Australia)
    Pratt's Bottom(Kent,UK)
    Fukum(Yemen)
    Shag Island(Indian Ocean)
    Middle Intercourse Island(Australia)
    Brown Willy(Cornwall, UK)
    Chinaman's Knob(Australia)
    The list goes on forever. Maybe I shouldn't have listed these. Who knows? Remember Patricia? I do. Hope I didn't offend anyone. Have a good day.

    Seven

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