The hardship of being a gay Jehovahs witness.

by truthwillsetyoufree 60 Replies latest jw experiences

  • truthwillsetyoufree

    Please spare a moment to consider the difiiculties faced by gay Jehovahs witnesses.

    i was raised and baptised as a very serious jw. every waking moment of my day was lived for jehovahs and his organization and for nothing else. i was also gay. whilst i understand that i could still have gods favour whilst not practising my homosexual feelings (like a a straight person could whilst not commiting fornication) i personally felt that it was different in my case and all other gay jws. we didnt just have feelings to engage in sexual activity. we were gay. we are not people with homosexual feelings, we are gay people. gay to the core. a mans feelings toward a woman is completly natural. well thats how it is for me and other gay jws - but for men. it feels completly natural to us and the thought to be with a woman is simply not there, for some of us it just isnt something thn could ever be considered. we know that if we had temptation to overcome, like the thought of stealing or to view pornography, that it can be done and we can feel proud that we overcome it and have jehovahs favour. but despite not actually engagaing in homosexual activity, just because we are actually gay, it is such a struggle because we know (as many have said to me) that we are something that apparently jehovah detests. we would not be considered as normal and we have to wait for jehovah to fix us in paradise. can you imagine what such sayings does to young men in the organization? saying that being gay is not normal and we have to be fixed??? especially when to us our feelings are completly normal and natural to us. it is not a learned habit or something you can overcome. being gay is not something you can overcome. many times i have sat through meetings and the topic of homosexuality or homosexuals have come up and i cringe at what im hearing and i have to get up to go to the toilet or something just to stop hearing it because i dont want to be reminded how being gay is wrong and how gay people willl be destroyed at armaggedon. yes i know it only refers to those who are practising homosexuals, but knowing how god hates homosexuals and knowing that i am one and cant fix that is mentally debilitating. one brother in the sister congreagtion is just about mentally screwed up over it.

    i was baptised at 15. sometime afterwards i messed up and engaged in what could only be descrived as homosexual activity. i kept it concealed and was eventually appointed as a pioneer (so much for the holy spirit appointing people). when i was 17 me and the brother i just mentioned had formed a friendship and had inappropriatly touched each other. he confessed to the elders, we were both reproved priavtely and i felt my life was over. at this point i had not accepted i was gay and because of the judicial procedure that got thrown out into the open and elders had to be told and family had to be told etc. it was devestating to the say the least! from then, rumours leaked out about it into the congreagtion, though was kept hushed up from me. but this is something i want to bring out - as my friendship with that brother was beginning to form, an elder approached me. he said he was concerned because the brother in question was 9 years older than me and whilst he had been a jw all his life, he hadnt long been disfellowshipped and reinstated for being a practising homsexual. i was shocked - not at what i was told, but the fact that an elder had divulged confidential information to someone not entitiled to know! all judicial matters are supposed to be kept confidential and not talked about. 2 days later i had another concerned elder aproach me and told me the same thing! so another elder divulged private information! obviously there reason was that being an impressionable youth i might bein danger. however, i was very concerned at the elders teling me things i should not know! anyway, after we were both reproved, we lost contact with each other.

    i was then told of a gay wordly couple who had started studying with the jws up in birmingham. they accepted it as being true and decided to seperate in order to get baptised. they decided to be in different congregations to make it easier not to fall into temptation. im impressed with their level of faith in order to do this, but sad as gay people are denied very basic human rights, the right to love someone and build a home with that person. these 2 men now have to spend a life forever alone, watching all other brothers date and get married and grow old together etc. whilst he stands arpound gathering dust. all gay people are in this situation. i was. its very ppainful to watch all your friends grow up and marry and then you see yourself left alone as you cant, naturally, hang out with them as u once did as thats what happens when u marry. it becomes a llonely life with no prospects in that regard.( someone once said well look at sister so and so - she never married, shes in your position - im sorry but she isnt - she still has the hope and possibility to find a marriage mate - i dont even have that!) and im sorry but having friends in the truth does not make up for it! not only that, but if i wanted to go on holiday, it would have to be by myself as its hard to get other people to come with you when they have a fmaily to look after, or even getting a house, just to rent and pay bills, doing it alone without someone else to help financially is alomst cripling. this leads back to my experience as many of you might be asking well, im sure you could share a holiday or rent a place with another brother? wrong! me and this brother i told you about became friends again, got reproved again and dictated to the elders that we werent going to tstop being friends like last time and you just have to accept it. (bold move i know the elders really were dumbfounded over the situation and as we were the first case of this kind shared by two congregations, we pushed all sorts of boundaries and i did feel sorry for the elders as they didnt really know what to do for the best) anyway, this brother, had a group of zelous friends (all brothers) who all went to scotland once a year. he tried to organize it with me going as well. all the brothers declined going saying they would not be comfotable knowing that 2 gay people would be going with them. (by this point everyone in both congreagtions knew we were both gay) so already we were feeling the affects of being known gay people. we started becoming stigmatised. not only together but individually. (remember, we are in different congs). several events were organised, and i was always asked to pick up this one young brother from a villlage near me so he could come laong too. everytime, he would cancel coming. i soon learned that his dad, who is an elder, didnt want me and his son alone int he car or anywhere. (you should have saw his face when i was assigned as his sons ministry partner one saturday morning) first of all, i am no peado! i am gay! plus i was still a virgin and i didnt not want to engage in sexual activity with any perosn in the cong! that this elder father thought i might sexual attack his son hurt deeply! but he wasnt the only one. soon, i was learning that all young brothers in the congreagtion had been warned not to be alone with me. this came from "concerned elders". i will say again - im not after sex! i had no plans to sexually attack these people! but my confidential information was leake out due to concerned elders wanting to warn other young brothers which in turn gossiped to everyone hence the cong knew i was gay!!!! thankyou very much. so becuase i was outed as being gay, thee is no chance that any brother is going to want to house share with me or go on randomn holidays etc. not only that but the elders are now quick to warn any young brothers about me hence meaning its difficult to make friends! because of silly watchtower rules saying that a brother and sister, even though the friendship is platonic cant be alone together, now nor can i i with either sex! so now left completly alone. and this has happened to another brother in the congreagtion who is assumed to be gay even though hes done nothing wrong and has never said he is gay but has himself become victimised in this way too!

    so to sum up the disadvantages of being a gay jw

    1 - feelings of competly inadequecy becaue youre very person is something detestable to jehovah

    2 - you have to be fixed in paradise because youre obviously very abnormal

    3 - living a life alone watching all your friends set up family and you being left, knowing you will never experience love and loving someone and holding someone and building a life with someine

    4 - having the elders share your confidential information with members of the cong, especially among your peer group resulting in your friends becoming distant, and new brothers keep their distant too resulting in lack of friends.

    5 - having parents keep their children away from you, making you feel like a sexual predator

    i would like to know if any other gay people on here have had similar experiences whilst being a jw, or know of any gay jws and what they went through. i couldnt stand it any longer and i left and was disfellowshipped in 2012.

  • Bye bye birdie
    Bye bye birdie

    I am a born in JW. I promise that I read everything you wtote and I couldn't be more sad for you. Also no matter what I ever have heard from the platform I took my kids aside and told them never ever to judge anyone that is gay and they better be nice to everyone. My daughter has gay friends at school and she adores them as peers and people.

    I try very hard to talk to everyone about the point of view you expressed and I find that the younger generation of witness kids are far more mouthy and offended with the kind of hateful speech about homosexuality. I see a light in the youth.

    i personally would like to hear talks on incest and pedophiles in the organization. To me this is the poison in the water hole of this religion.

    Sodom and Gommorah were not destroyed because they were gay. They were destroyed because they were sociopaths.

    i just came back for convention and I told a brother that the minute all the gay people surround my house and demand to rape my guests.....well then we can talk.

    again I am very sorry for your pain and all I can offer is that I try to persuade love wherever I can about your persecution.

  • truthwillsetyoufree

    just want to say also , that this topic hasnt been posted to get sympathy or to be a sob story account - as it helped me to see the "truth" for what it is and it helped me to leave! so its a positive thing! :) i just wanted others to know what its like for gay witnesses and what they have to go through - just food for thought. its also revealing to see how elders are willing to share private juducial informaiton as and when they see fit so a warning for you! becareful what you tell the elders as it really could be leaked out to other memebers of the congregation!

  • bigmac


    i replied before to your other thread. your in the UK--right ?

    there are several UK xjw facebook groups----several of the members are gay. if you are on fbook--feel free to look me up if you want---i can then direct you to the groups'

    stan livedeath

  • Zoos

    And let's not forget our lesbian sisters who have gone through the exact same thing.

    Nice summary, Truthwillsetyoufree. My life growing up as a gay JW was very similar. Sometimes it makes me so angry to think about the ridiculousness of it all that I often find myself not interested in talking about it. It's behind me and I want it to stay there.

    Then I remember there are always younger people going through it that need to know they are not alone.

  • Space Madness
  • neverendingjourney

    I feel for you. I'd give you a hug if you were in front of me.

    In my area, being gay was second to being an apostate. Even rumors of homosexuality would result in a person being ostracized. An elder once prayed and asked for Armageddon to get here so homosexuals could finally be destroyed. Even then I remember wondering what a gay Witness would have thought since being gay was not technically a sin (only acting out on it was).

    It's a horrible place to be. Hopefully you've moved on with your life. Being gay and a Witness can only lead to debilitating emotional issues.

    Best of luck to you.

  • Quendi

    I am glad that you shared your story here, truthwillsetyoufree. You are free now, although I do not think you fully understand what that means. Now that you are no longer part of this execrable cult, you can realize what George Eliot once wrote: "It is never too late to be what you might have been." Use your freedom to explore all the possibilities your life will give to you. And since you live in Britain, you can now pursue something that is clearly your heart's desire: a life and a home with the man you love. You can get married now, interweave your life with a spouse of your choosing, and grow old with him. I wish you all the best as you set out on this marvelous journey.


  • Mikado

    hugs from Australia also.

    I am so sorry for what has been done to you. it's unimaginably bad. and you deserved none of it..

  • LisaRose

    Thank you for sharing your story. There are many people here who still think being gay is a choice. I think your story perfectly illustrates why that is not so. I have read similar experiences, your story is not unique.

    I hope you have left the organization and found happiness as a gay man.

Share this