Fading, Stopping Meetings, DA or DF'ing, Thoughts on Getting the Hell Out Of There

by OnTheWayOut 36 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • sparrowdown

    Yes, absence speaks louder than words.

    Vote with your feet.

  • minimus

    Otwo, I pretty much did what you did and it has worked for mr over the last decade....so far.

  • dazed but not confused
    dazed but not confused

    I left after about a month of learning TTATT (although I didn’t know at the time that’s what it was). In January of 2011 I was publicly reproved for drunkenness. I thought it was a good thing, a blessing from Jehovah. These elders knew for years that I had a problem with alcohol. I went to them in the past about it. About 6-7 months later I was getting discouraged because know one cared how I was doing. No help. No concern. No love. I thought “there’s something not adding up. This can’t be Jehovah’s “loving” organization.” I started with looking at “apostate” sites as an apologist. Then I started to listen to what I was reading.

    I went to my last meeting in September of the same year. Not knowing it was going to be my last one. My wife, a few weeks later, asked me if I was ever going back in tears. I told her I couldn’t. I never imagined she would leave me for stopping. About 16 months later, she joined me.

    We both got out with our 2 little ones. Second best decision I have ever made.

  • blondie

    I didn't fade...I just stopped going in the middle of a circuit assembly and never went back, not for the memorial, a wedding, a funeral, curiousity about a convention, nada. Three months later my husband did the same. My family was shunning me when I was an elder's wife and making all the meetings, so nothing changed there. The in-laws are all non-jws.

    I have been careful not to try to tell anyone why I left or what is wrong with the WTS. I had to learn it myself, see it myself, experience it myself. I would not have believed another jw, thinking their experience was a special circumstance.

    In my case, I don't believe that my jw family or other jws deserve the pearls I have to give, no pearls before swine.

    Time will tell what works for you.

  • Bye bye birdie
    Bye bye birdie

    I stay for now. The only thing that is good about me staying is that my family knows how I feel about certain subjects and they can't disagree. When I am at the meetings they are forced to listen through my ears. I have seen my mom get very upset when she expected a CO she admired give a talk and instead building up the hall he ripped it a new one.

    i had to make a pros and cons list and staying and being "weak" was best for now. Almost everyone knows that I was publicly reproved for defending the teens from perverts and unfair treatment. So whenever they see me it must bring up the way the elders martyred me. I am a reminder of their embarrassment and policy.

  • eyeuse2badub


    i too was an elder when i first realized fully ttatt. i resigned within 6 months and i've been fading ever since, about 7 years now. i'm inactive but my dear wife is still active. 3 of my 4 children have seen that i no longer believe and they too have started to fade. we have not yet had a full on discussion regarding ttatt,but they are smart enough to figure it out for themselves that the only reason that they are jw's is because their mom and i forced it on them same as we had it forced on us. i have hope for my wife because she has accepted my 'awakening' and often asks questions. she has a 87 year old jw mother that she still needs to appease.

    just saying!


  • OneEyedJoe

    Otwo - while it sucks for one's mental health to go to the indoctrination sessions while knowing ttatt, I think its an improvement (if only slight) over being an atheist deep down while simultaneously wondering "what if this really is the truth?"

    At least now I have no guilt, no fear, and no internal conflict. Everything I do is for a singular goal with an end, whereas before I instinctively knew the end wouldn't come in my lifetime.

    Sparrowdown - you're absolutely right. I think most highly of those with enough courage and faith to just stand up and walk out, consequences be damned. I wish I had the faith that my marriage would survive, and the courage to face the greater risk that it might not. I just don't know how I could cope with losing my wife of I knew there was something more I could've tried. I guess everyone has to draw a line somewhere and say "I value person x more than person y" otherwise everyone would send all their income to starving children in Africa. In my case, I value my wife over everyone else in the congregation. I'll do everything in my power to help others, up to and until it jeopardizes my chances to help my wife.

    I'd love to formally DA once (if) I wake her up, but since she's the one with the most to lose, I'll let her make the call on how we exit. I've got nothing but respect for those who take an immediate moral stand and walk out or DA.

  • OnTheWayOut

    Minimus, that is good to know. I hope it continues to work out.

    DBNC, you are another exJW because of the lack of love.

    Blondie, I tend to agree about learning for yourself. But I am glad I (and others) have found your pearls.

    Bye Bye Birdie, I could never do it. I hope the best for you.

    Eyeuse2bd, great about your kids. I would consider taking them in confidence.

    One eyed, I respct them too. I guess deep down, I respect those that stay for a loved one.

  • Darth Fader The Sequel
    Darth Fader The Sequel

    My plan- 1) Continue my fade (I am almost off the radar now). 2) Get my wife closer to fading, gently. 3) Move to another state (already in the works). 4) Never look back. 5) Be a great and successful family that is happy and has morals and does charitable things and enjoy life for as long as it lasts. 6) Oh, and try not to be as bitter as I tend to get now in my situation. 7) Hope that some of our friends and family continue to love us for who we are, not how many hours we fill in on a time card or how many meetings we drudge through or worry that we do not worship the GB.

  • gingerbread

    We stopped turning in time just over a year ago. We stopped attending meetings at the first of the year. Our grown children are moved away but made the same decision - about a year before we did.

    We are both raised in, well known in the area - big JW families. Our parents and some of the siblings know of our 'doubts'. I hear that we are considered to be "taking a break" (for just a little while - in their minds). Life long 'friends' in the congregations are silent - no phone calls, emails or cards. Even the elders are 'hands off' with us.

    I really don't think they want to open our can of worms in the congregation. By leaving quietly with out any kicking and screaming (no desire to prove we're "right" anymore!), our life has been undisturbed by any of the JW's.

    I'm certian they would be overjoyed to have us back in - we were pioneers (some years ago), reasonably active with extra volunteer participation and made regular, healthy contributions to the local box...


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