Fading, Stopping Meetings, DA or DF'ing, Thoughts on Getting the Hell Out Of There

by OnTheWayOut 36 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • opusdei1972

    My wife, who was an eternal student, told me many times that she had doubts because she could not let our son die for the blood ban. One, day I decided to do my homework for the first time. As Peter Gregerson did. I decided to use my brain and to be honest with myself. So, I studied the history of the Society, its flip flops, etc. Then I understood that when I accepted "the truth" I was very naive and ignorant about many thinks, though I had a university degree. Then I began to understand why I was angry about those talks against higher education, and so on. My inner soul always knew that those talks were evil tactics of mind control, but I thought that I should avoid independent thinking and criticism to be obedient to God's Channel. The Society taught me that when I had doubts and a critical view, it was because I was influenced by Satan. Now I know it was a stupid thinking.

    Well, after knowing the truth about the Truth, I wanted to leave this lie as soon as possible. After three months without attending the meetings, the elders visited me. I told them what I discovered in the past editions of the Golden Age, The Finished Mystery, about vaccination, organ trasplants, etc. They asked me for writing a Letter of resignation, but I did not. However, the elders adviced the congregation to avoid me for apostasy.

  • oppostate

    Once the invitation to appear before a judicial committee for apostasy was given me,

    a PDF attached letter emailed to the three bros in the committee and the COBOE worked

    very nicely so they don't bother me anymore. In other posts I've described what the letter

    said and how I presented what future actions would follow as consequence of whatever

    actions they sought against me.

    My wife is still very loyal to the WTB&T$, so I also made sure that anything said to her without

    my being present would be reason to involve higher ups in their hierarchy and my taking judicious

    and stern action against them individually and as a body for slander.

  • MissFit


  • lostnotfound

    For me, I tried the fade thing. Im part of a very, visible family. Fading away in the same hall as your family, even if its a different congregation doesnt work. If you are highly visible and want to keep your family, you need to look as strong as possible. You then need to move. If you can move houses thats even better, but you need to move so people lose track of you before you fade. If I could do it over, that would be my move.

  • OnTheWayOut

    I wanted to address all comments as best I can. I was at Tahoe for the gathering and haven't read this thread.

    Page 1
    Darth Fader, it is good to have a plan. Regardless of what people think they should or should not do about walking away, everyone should make a plan that includes some kind of advancement toward freedom. Thanks for sharing yours.

    Gingerbread, I have nothing to do with them and other than my bull-in-a-chinashop exit, it sounds rather similar- raise doubts, fade, leave, leave the JW's alone. Good for you- great that you have kids that are doing their plan.

    Page 2

    opusdei, thanks for sharing your story. Not necessarily the case with you, but many (including me) may at first feel hurt that people ignore or shun them when they didn't really do anything. After time, I realized that I didn't have anything to hang out with JW's for anyway, and they make it easier to safely fade by ignoring me. Most fades are only successful in keeping contact with family and not friends. That's all I needed as I have made better friends.

    oppostate, thanks for reminding many how they might choose to answer the call to a committee. I never said anything like you said because they haven't called me to the committee. I would probably do similar and include how they should not be talking to my wife.

    MissFit, thanks for the bump.

    lostnotfound, thanks for your advice. Some paths will not work in some family and/or congregation situations. All I can say about the fade is that you can always end it quickly and take another route. Sorry it didn't work out for you the way you started.

  • LongHairGal


    After the 1995 changed teaching on "Generation" I was very restless and disgusted and knew in my heart it was over. In the back of my mind I entertained the thought of leaving the religion but wondered how I was going to do it.

    A few years later I had a death in my family. The real depression and family chaos brought on by it gave me the perfect opportunity to just stop going. And that is what I did. One Thursday night I just stayed home and watched CSI. That was the start of my "fade".

    Of course, somebody doesn't need a real death in the family to make them stop going. People should think about it like quitting some bad habit, which I believe the whole thing really was.

  • OnTheWayOut

    LHG, excellent that you saw an opportunity. True, we don't need one. Nevertheless, most will look for that or make a plan.

    I hope some consider just stopping. I hope others start to develop a plan. Read these stories here and get to know what others have done and do something to find your freedom.

    Also, develop outside friendships and hobbies. Watch your health, especially your mental health, as you follow your plan.

  • flipper

    For myself- I had hidden doubts for years that were boiling over inside of me- hoewever it was suffering unjust treatment by the elders that made me have my moment of clarity where I just walked to my seat before a meeting, picked my books up and walked out the door of the kingdom hall before the meeting started - never to return, cold turkey . Best decision I ever made. No more mind numbing , mind controlling meetings beating down my neurotransmitters into submission where I experience handing over my brain to the WT Society. I've been " clean " and free of the WT Society for almost 11 years now- never been happier

  • done4good

    If you can leave without any drama, that is always best. In reality, it is hard to do if you are one that needs to be yourself 100%. That was me, and still is.

    I walked away in late 2005, (last meeting was Dec. 25, 2005). I tried just simply being honest with TTATT with friends and family, and it just led to them avoiding me. Since I wanted to not worry about looking over my shoulder, I DA'd in 2007. There was not much to lose anyway, since most did not talk to me anymore anyway. I kept one JW friend who never followed the shunning rules and we are still good friends to this day.

    I recently tried to reach out to another friend that I also care quite a bit about, but once again, because that friend mattered, I believed being honest with her mattered. It ended up in me being shunned by her.

    The point here is what it comes down to is you need to ask yourself, how important is it for you to be yourself? If this really matters to you, then any friends you might keep by faking it somehow are not worth it. This is one of the most painful lessons I had to learn in life.


  • Aunt Fancy
    Aunt Fancy

    In July 2012 my husband (he was an elder for years and stepped down a number of years before we left) and I walked out early during the Friday session of the DC and I never went back but my husband went to one more meeting and he was done. After reading a few books and getting him to read COC we just walked away and never went back. It never even entered my mine that my husband would not listen or our marriage would break up over this. I have always been very vocal and I usually tell it like it is with him so for us it worked.

    We get them coming by about twice a year when the CO visits and the first year for the Memorial but we never answer the door. The elders have called us a couple of times to get us to come back but we don't answer the phone either Or return their calls.

    My family was never in so for me it has been great except I lost "friends" and my husbands family still talks to him so we have not gone through what many of you have.

    This is what I struggle with, I still have some anger even though for the most part I have moved on but I feel I may need to write a DA letter so that the rest of me can heal. Even though I could care less if the DF me I don't want to feel like someone is checking up on me and I still feel like there is something holding me back. We are going to put up Christmas decorations outside this year so I am pretty sure they may come after us at that point because my husband was very well know in this area from being on many KH committees. My husband doesn't care if they DF him either but he has been helping friends and relatives learn about the lies so he won't do anything just yet.

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