by stuckinarut2 57 Replies latest jw friends
Thank you Lisa Rose. Your post really helped me.
Stuck:ditto. I understand what you are going through.
My childhood friend and confidant and I have drifted apart. I take part of the blame. I know her number, where she lives, ect. But I dont keep in contact. Does that make ME a conditional friend?
I think finding other ex-JWs to be friends with is a good short term fix but it's still effectively limiting you to having your circle of potential friends defined by the WTS experience.
I know they "understand" but for the long term it's better IMO to try and make friends that are not ex-JWs - it helps to mentally move on.
Just about all my childhood friends are out of the organization now and I have lost touch with them because I believed I was "doing the right thing."
One is in Jail because he got involved with the Zetas (mexican cartel).
The others that aren't "in" anymore, I have no idea where they are now. They're either not on Facebook, or they have their settings set to not show up in search results.
I would love to reach out to them, but I have a feeling that even though they are "out," they may not be trustworthy and keep it to themselves.
The Searcher stated that there are "countless others" out there just like you. I agree. For years, you have been taught that the only friend is someone in the congregation. Well, having been in your position especially since I started to fade, I changed my tactics. I started to reach out to people that I respected in my industry. I made lunch plans, golf dates, and started contacting them for advice in business and industry. I have found a handful of true friends. People who have my back and know that I have theirs.
I realize that in the end, we are lucky to have a handful of true friends. Having been in the ORG all my life, I realized that there was only one real friend that I had. The others were conditional and our friendship was based on our religious interactions or they were so screwed up by the constant judging and scrutiny that they were not much good in times of crisis.
Don't let it get you down. Go to your neighbourhood starbucks and look on the information board. Join a club. Join a language group. An interest group. Start a band. Go on a cancer walk. Volunteer for something. Turn off the freaking TV and go back to school. You will find, as The Searcher states, there are "countless others."
@Joel: me too. I never was close to anyone except my childhood friend. And the her husband became a MS and I had to take a number to talk to her a meetings.
She once told me she wanted me to come to meetings because she missed me and needed me. I thought to myself: You know how to reach me.
Thanks for all of your responses!
Great advice.
I am a very likable person in my community and I easily start conversations with people each day.
(I guess Simon hit the point right on as he spoke of the fact that we see tv shows etc that show people with lifelong friends... )
I just feel so angry that being raised witness meant that I never had anything but CONDITIONAL friends! So now at 40 I have to start from scratch!
Stuck, So now at 40 I have to start from scratch!
Maybe, but the good news is that any friends you make from here on out will be people that love you for WHO you are, not WHAT you (pretend to) believe.
