by stuckinarut2 57 Replies latest jw friends
Good points Lisa and Daring...thanks
Yes, I have interests in various sports and interests in cars...as well as work related links....that will open a world for me.
I am a nice person (I know that sounds conceited, but you know what I mean). I always show genuine interest in people I meet...so Im sure I will make some new friends and associates...
Thanks
Hey all,
I have revived this thread as I am particularly feeling the reality of this topic at this time!
The slanderous comments from influential elders has spread through the cong, and I may as well be DF'd!
Arrgh!!
Remind yourself that that every cloud has a silver lining and there is light at the end of the tunnel.
Remember that you have a whole community here that is behind you and sending you good wishes for better days ahead.
I have no Real Friends!
Neither does Jeff Dunham..
I have had the same feeling and more when I left my first wife. My uncles and aunts changed their attitude, nephews, all jw's. Then when I moved together with my second wordly wife, they all turned their back to me. I once went back to my latest congregation in my latest missionary assignment. The worst experience I had in my life. My ex had told everyone what I had done, so my old friends in the congregation didn't even talk to me. I was so disappointed at that moment, some of theme relied on me and I did on them. Now I have some new friends, my brother who left the org as well, and two old friends, jw's more or less, more less, they smoke a cigar with me and sometimes some hasjies. I have a beautifull wife, a beautifull daughter ( adopted). And a lot of friends in her family which we visit every summer in the country where I once served.
A lot of us are in the same situation ... you watch TV shows where people have lifelong friends and realize that the WTS took all that from you. The friends you thought you had were just acquaintances who went to the same club and dropped you as soon as they were told to.
That's not what real friends do.
A real friend is the person you can wait to tell some exciting news to or the person you feel comfortable talking to about something that is bothering you. If you can't cry with them or in front of them and still want to see them in future then they are not your friend.
It's easy to make the mistake in this world of throwaway "facebook friends" to imagine that you are failing if you don't have hundreds of people as friends but research has shown that it's impossible to have more than a small handful of true close friends so aim for quality and not quantity.
A good thing to do is practice talking to people. Try striking up a conversation with anyone wherever you are about anything at all. It really does help make you more comfortable talking to people and you never know who you'll hit it off with. Waiting to have your car serviced? Talk to the other people. Talk to the guy who makes your Subway Sandwich or to the waitress who brings you a beer. It's surprising to people who are naturally introverted but people mostly love when you talk to them and the more you do it the better at it you get.
It's a cliche but join a few clubs - people often involve others in their other social activities from other interests. Be open with people - tell them that it's really hard making new friends because you grew up in a cult and everyone you grew up with now shuns you. In my experience people are incredibly sympathetic - just don't be all "Marvin the paranoid android" about it at least initially.
Well Stuck,
Sorry to hear you might be getting df'd. It is very isolating. All the positive advice you have got on this thread I have tried. Has it worked yet? Not for me.
I still live in hope but I don't have high expectations of getting a circle of true friends. Posters make it sound easy, but the harsh reality is, it takes time to build lasting friendships.
Take care Stuck
Kate xx
I agree with John Mann, stuckinarut, learn to love and respect yourself and then make new friends!
There's a whole world out there, the good, the bad and the ugly. Most people fall into the first category.
