I have no Real Friends!

by stuckinarut2 57 Replies latest jw friends

  • redvip2000
    redvip2000

    many of us went though the same thing. Don't despair. The good thing about this, is that one friend outside of the Org is worth 1000 of "organization friends".

    THere are truly wonderful people outside of the gates of the Watchtower. People who like you and don't give a shit about your religious or political views, whether you believe in God or not. People who are simply happy enjoying your company.

    It takes great courage to walk out and slam the door behind you, knowing you are losing so many people in your life. You should be proud of yourself!

  • Separation of Powers
    Separation of Powers

    Hey SnaR...

    Over the course of a lifetime, we are lucky if are true friends can be counted on one hand. Friends, true friends, are hard to find. To have one, you have to be one. Reach out to someone. Keep active in things that make you happy. You'll find someone. When you do, remember to treat them like a friend, not a JW friend. A JW friend is taught to drive a bus, when the time is right, they will drive it right over you!

    Be trustworthy...that is the single most important element of being a friend and it is the simple reason why no JW I have ever known can be a true friend. Everyone is so caught up in being a spy or spied on that relationships are shallow and superficial.

    There you go!

  • stuckinarut2
    stuckinarut2

    Thank you all for your replies again!

    I just find it so hard, as I was always the "life of the party" so to speak amongst all my firnds...the driving force, the glue etc...

    I really felt like I had a HUGE group of close frinds.

    I didnt ever feel like a loner in any way..

    I had everything "All together" and "all sorted" in life...

    Until now, and I see the reality once the layers are peeled back...

    I will try all of your sugestions...and I know the most important thing is to be sincere with myself

  • DesirousOfChange
    DesirousOfChange

    I have always been extremely active in every aspect of the org, since childhood. Pioneered, Bethel, Ms, etc...Always at the forefront of arranging to help others in the cong, be there for everyone etc...

    I thought I had a large circle of friends....until now. I see that all those friendships were conditional on saying and doing everything according to the scripted organisational directions.

    I understand your thoughts and feelings completely!

    What more can I add to that?

    We've both been here about 3 years, so perhaps we're in similar situations.

    Our social network was dried up. Zilch. Except for the distant friends that have not yet realized the extent of our fade.

    There are still a few close friends who know of the personal nature of things that was the catalyst for our awakening, so they just think we are still stumbled and hope for our eventual recovery. The most important members of our extended family are in that same frame of mind. They think we will eventually "get over it". I know that even some of the family and all of the "friends" will abandon us too as soon as they realize we are not coming back to the bOrg.

    We've reached out to our "worldly" business associates. Sometimes it hard to mix business and pleasure.

    We've clicked with some friends who have also faded. Even that is uncomfortable in some ways. Our entertainment and lifestyle choices are not the same as theirs. People differ.

    I might venture into going to an apostafest, but my wife's not ready for that. Even I fear that somehow someone there will innocently slip and we'd get outted. Accidental picture. Whatever. The JW world is a small network.

    So, STUCKIN, point is,

    PM if ya wanna chat.

    Doc

  • Band on the Run
  • Iown Mylife
    Iown Mylife

    as Separation said, keeping busy in things that make you happy will be a great way to make friends. Of course it takes time for these to become true friends but you can have a great time in the meantime.

    i have been coping with exactly the same realizations as you describe! The pain and sadness has subsided a lot, the past few weeks. I like music lessons and the kids in the music store kid around with me, which is fun. (i'm a grammaw and old)

    i was thinking, if i still had girlfriends i'd be with them, not hanging out at the music store.

    so, stuff like that helps.

    marina

  • designs
    designs

    Mahalo

  • adjusted knowledge
    adjusted knowledge

    A whole knew world can open for you. Each persons situation is unique. Some suggestion is pursuing higher education at a community college. Taking one or two courses a semester can expand your mind and help you meet new people.

    It is possible for you to feel worst in the coming days and months which can lead to depression. Keep an eye on your emotional state as such it can lead to a bad outcome. I've seen in my old congregation of suicide plus members of this board because of depression.

    A true unconditional friend is a rarity even in family.

  • clarity
    clarity

    I feel your pain Stuck. The real problem is that

    we were programmed to ignore the other 8 billion

    people, & isolate ourselves within the walls of WT.

    About the only ones who leave this cult easily,

    are those who kept up school friendships, and

    who made many friends on the 'outside'!

    Yes imagine that ...they kinda lived double lives!

    I wish we all had done that!

    Make a list and see if there are some people

    in your background who you could contact.

    Wish you great success.

    clarity

  • DATA-DOG
    DATA-DOG

    I am your friend.

    DD

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