My friend. i understand where you are right now as I am at the end of my fade. I also was very active in the congregation and had many "friends." Yes, right now we are both going through a major transition in our lives and this will no doubt bring some bumps along the way but eventually you and I will find true friends who will be their unconditionally. Even though i am a single man and come home to an empty house every night, I know that things will get better with time. if you live in the L.A area maybe we can meet sometime in the future. if not, feel free to pm.
I have no Real Friends!
by stuckinarut2 57 Replies latest jw friends
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Junction-Guy
I don't think it is fair to paint all Jehovah's Witnesses as cold or uncaring. Yes there is an aspect of conditional friendship, but that is not self motivated, but rather enforced by their organization. To say that no one ever had true friends in the JW religion is absolutely false. There are many who would have given their shirt off their back for their friends. The problem is the fear instilled by the Org.
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nugget
JW friends can only ever be friends for now. When we left we lost all our JW friends not a single person called or spoke to us. there were women who had had babies at the same time as me who had shared their highs and lows with me who were now strangers. Even family members dissolved and extracted themselves from our lives which hurt the most.
That being said I have found new friends who appreciate the importance of being there unconditionally. I am truly grateful to all those who took a chance on me in my new life and who I now count as special people in my life.
So 7 million witnesses may no longer want to be your friend but their are billions of new people out there who may take a chance on you and turn out to be true friends. It is better to have a small circle of loyal friends than a large circle of conditional friends.
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stuckinarut2
Great replies!
yes, the conditional form of friendship is probably one of the hardest things I have ever had to confront in this period of transition....
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stuckinarut2
Quarterback, you asked if my best friend is my wife?
sadly no, as I can't even be honest with her about TTATT....so that makes things strained...
i wish it was different, but as the very basis of our relationship and marriage was "all within the truth", we were the perfect match...according to the organisation. Pioneer, bethelite...etc...you get the point... Real love had nothing to do with it...it was all about being " the best suited in the circuit"
passsion or real attraction had nothing to do with it!
so how can I tell her that the only thing that brought us together was a sham?
dont get me wrong, we have a good relationship, but I can't tell her where I'm at "truth wise"....
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stuckinarut2
I just got a call from an old "friend" in the cong....just a trivial one about sport etc..
then he asked,"how are you enjoying the latest wt studies?"
It was so strange and forced that I thought something was up. I'm not paranoid, but I reckon I was being tested as to my reaction by this so called "close friend" who is one of the local elders...
i smell another rat!
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villagegirl
I wasted so much of my life, because I thought my "best friends"
were all Jehovah's Witnesses and the only ones who "understood me"
This is probably what most JW's feel. The shocking reality is just as
you have described it. You are being BULLIED, get away from these
judgemental and toxic people as soon as you can. And disregard their
sly cruelty or stand up to it . Its a Cult. No independent thinking allowed.
"Resistance is futile, you will be assimilated." - the Borg
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Band on the Run
Well, when we have friends we will appreciate them. The OT has me recalling how fragile acceptance was within the KH and extended family. You almost needed two brains. Normal people find it odd and rude when you don't bless them. Does anyone today believe that demons cause sneezes? It is merely social convention that shows your concern for others. My siblings and I were so conscious of the need for two vocabularies.
It is sad and funny that my sister was a fifth grader when my aunt sneezed. We were used to the school crowd. My sister said the loudest
God Bless You" ever said since creation. My aunt was horrified. You h ave not lost friends. It is not an easy transit but it is worth it. -
LisaRose
If you had a wide circle of JW friends, then you are likely the kind of person that will be able to make new friends outside of the organization, although it will take time, it's not the instant friendships you get at the Kingdom Hall. I compare it to work friendships. Over the years I had work friends who I liked, but when I changed jobs those friendships ended, they were situational. The same with neighbor friends. I only kept up with a few people, those are my true friends, you are doing well if you get five of those in your lifetime. They are the ones you call if you are in need, because you know they will help you.
So make some new situational friendships, but also look for some true friends, ones that will stick with you through the years.
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daringhart13
It is the single greatest fear and pain when you consider leaving Jehovah's Witnesses.
I focused on things I love.....for me, it was NFL football, my entire life.
I started going where similar people were...... suddenly you meet new people and make friends!