I have no Real Friends!

by stuckinarut2 57 Replies latest jw friends

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  stuckinarut2

  I have come to a startling and sad realisation!

  I have no real friends!

  I have always been extremely active in every aspect of the org, since childhood. Pioneered, Bethel, Ms, etc...Always at the forefront of arranging to help others in the cong, be there for everyone etc...

  I thought I had a large circle of friends....until now. I see that all those friendships were conditional on saying and doing everything according to the scripted organisational directions....I never really have had friends that I can just speak openly with on any topic without fear of judgement.

  The reality is, I have absolutely NO ONE at all that I can count as a true, unconditional friend...and it hurts big time. Even my wife!

  Every person I thought was a close friend, have all distanced themselves as they see me do the fade...so I see now that no one was a friend at all.

  The irony is that during the field service group at the weekend, the conductor featured the new magazine on "what makes a true friend" and all the group gave answers as to the definition of a true friend...I also answered and said "a true friend is unconditional " he replied by saying "yes, great point bro"

  wow....I feel so alone right now
• 

  SuperBoy

  It's a horrid wake up call, but the thing is, you will make more friends, who will stick with you through thick and thin, and not just while you are going to the right church.
  
  It's a new chapter...
• 

  Skinnedsheep

  Yep. Sad to realize it. I am the same way. What hurts the most is to realize that ALL of the people that I have thought as friends really are just like wooden puppets doing what ever their masters say. The Watchtower has robbed 7million people of their personalities, and their futures.
• 

  stuckinarut2

  Yes! How can we be friends if the friendship is based just on doing exactly what the org says??

  Thanks for your replies!

  The sad thing is, that it seems many of us are 'united in being alone' right now in our lives!?
• 

  John_Mann

  First of all you must be your best friend ever. There's no god/spirit/angel watching for us too.

  There's nobody in the whole world who can perceive the world exactly as you do.

  "We are all equals" is the greatest lie told to us.

  Everyone is unique, and we are only equals before the law.

  I myself have just found a couple of true friends after leaving the WT. And I'm always searching for new friends, but true friendship it's very very very rare.

  But X-JW's have proved to be an oasis in a desert of people who can't understand what we passed through.
• 

  The Searcher

  Just remember that there countless others out there just like you - and I'll be joining you in the next few weeks when I finalise my fade to absolutely NO field service and virtually no meetings. (gotta hang on by the finger nails as a pretence for the families!)

  Start making new friends slowly, who allow you freedom of thought and expression. Why not try and arrange a meet-up with some who are on here? Birds of a feather!

  Just be patient and tactful with your wife - in the very near future the Org may supply her with serious issues which get her to open her eyes to what's really going on in JW-land.

  View your life ahead as a wonderful new beginning - not as a great loss! Best wishes for both of you.
• 

  Laika

  Yes stuck, leaving the JWs is like leaving the Matrix, where you realise none of it was real, your beliefs, your friendships, nothing. It's really hard, and the underground city is hardly much comfort, but it's where we are, we can never unlearn what we now know, you can't go back. Keep going, one day at a time, and never lose hope.
• 

  sporece

  We all lost all our "friends" once we pulled away. Wife left because of me being an "apostate"and was all alone.

  Joined "meetup.com" and was able to connect with people that had same interest and now have many friends, more sincere than any witness in KH.

  It will get better...Good luck to you

  SSPO
• 

  Wild_Thing

  I'm sorry, Stuckinarut! The saddest part of being in the org is that ALL of the relationships are conditional.

  It goes beyond that. When you are in the borg, your friends are automatically chosen for you. Sure, you may grow closer to some more than others, but your choices are limited to the people within those 4 walls inside of the Kingdom Hall.

  When you are a kid in a very small congregation, it is especially difficult. You may have absoutely nothing in common with any of these "friends". You are thrown together and labeled as friends only because of circumstance that you happen to be in the same religion and in the same congregation.

  There is nothing REAL about those friendships at all. It is sad.

  The good news is that when you leave, YOU get to choose who you want to be friends with, and who you don't.
• 

  ducatijoe

  Hang in there... My "REAL" friends all split when I left the "TRUTH" I now have the most fantastic friend I have ever had. Friends that would support me no matter what.

  Life is wonderful on the outside!