Thanks everybody sincerely.
I need this slap of reality.
I hope some lurkers benefit as well.
-TE
I Need Help Getting My Head Straight.......
by TTATTelder 44 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
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Apognophos
It's been helpful for me too, because I do find myself thinking these things from time to time. I'm in mid-fade and am eager to get on with my life, but I don't really look forward to having to make friends with "worldly" people because, even though I know they're not all bad, I find myself judging them over superficial things or fearing that they'll turn out to be druggies or something.
I think that, for me, part of the problem is that I always imagined growing up that I was the only one who was bad at being a Witness, who would swear in private, watch "bad" movies, etc. Since joining this board and reading others' experiences with JWs who are still in, I'm thinking that may not be the case. If many JWs are in fact somewhat two-faced then it really brings home the point that we as JWs tended to judge each other based on outward appearance and the simple fact that they were part of our group. We gave a huge benefit of the doubt to our ingroup members while believing, in a tribalistic manner, that the outgroup members were all dirty and immoral. I touched on this subject of ingroup bias and the resulting lack of perspective in a recent thread here.
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talesin
TTATTe
Not a slap, but a glimpse through a doorway into what is now a mysterious and formerly forbidden realm. It's not magical, and sometimes it can be ugly, but mostly it's just gloriously real.
Hugs are much better, and produce more results, than slaps.
Small steps, remember, will get you there! It's okay to feel however you feel. You are embarking on a new adventure, one that will never end. It's called LIFE!
xx
tal
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FlyingHighNow
The longer you're out, the less appealing the phony modesty of the JWs will be.
Worldly people mostly dress pretty modestly and they don't all walk around cussing like sailors. They tend to be decent, very cool people. It really isn't Soddom and Gomorrah out here. The longer you are out, the more out of place "dressed up" people will look. I see JW families all dressed up, on Sundays, where I work. They look glaringly, embarrassingly out of place. It is not 1955 anymore. People don't dress up to go to the movies or out to eat anymore. People don't dress up for church anymore.
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berrygerry
I very much like Tal's comment (what is MI?).
I am freshly out, although having struggled with things for many years.
LOVE has always been the factor that bothered me the most.
There was a WT (certainly not the first) that re-emphasized that if we love people, the most important (and only) thing that we could be doing is to be in the ministry.
Five weeks ago, outside a fast food restaurant, I was about to drive away, and a man stopped me.
He said, don't worry, I'm not going to ask you for money.
All I want is a ride to a church that is not too far away. I said sure.
He was from out-of-province, had just moved here with his wife and child. His truck had broken down, and he was worried about losing his new-found job as a result.
He said "a church" (didn't say 'his church') back home arranged for "a church" out here to help him (the churches were different denominations).
The priest met him when I dropped him off.
Friday at the same place, a not-so-well off man approached, I braced for the ...
So, I bought him a burger instead of just giving him money. He told his story in line.
Had shattered his left arm in a work accident - employer tried to have him not report it. He got some workers' comp, but had been cut off. His left arm was at 20% functionality. In spring, he slipped on ice, and broke his right arm badly, and was sent to another city for surgery. His right arm was still in a cast. Because of Workers' Comp cutting him off, he shamefully went for Social Assistance but it would be 2 weeks before any payments.
An earth angel nearby finished her food, walked past us, and put something in his hand. He said, No, he's already buying me food, and she said, "You'll need to eat tomorrow."
She scampered away, and said "God bless you"
(It was $20 + ).
I helped out 2 other strangers in modest ways in the past 2 weeks.
You know what the JW answer would have been, "Here, read this, and God will take care of you."
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rebel8
I like the feeling/thought of being among people that live, or try to live, or at least know they ought to live by higher standards of conduct (maybe it is just what I'm used to...)
I'd venture to say most people who voluntarily choose to be dubs think so too. It has to do with personality type.
Take this test. You will probably get a J as your last letter. At the end of the test, it will explain the J and other letters. Again I'd guess most dubs are too.
I've taken every hokey pop psychology personality test out there (due to the profession I'm in), but this is the only one that holds water. And when I got the results and started learning more about it, it was just light turning a light bulb on. It explained so much, what was naturally me and what was a product of dubbery. It helped me understand my authentic self.
And then once I did, I understood some of the adjustment difficulties I had post-Borg. Some of that is me and there's nothing wrong with it. And some of it needs to give the rest of the world a break. I am not perfect either.
Try to spend time listening to people from all walks of life, those who are different from you. Ask them a lot of questions about themselves, and try to imagine things from their points of view.
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talesin
Sorry, berryg, that is a Mental Illness (MI).
Spot on, you are cautious, yet open. People are just fascinating, aren't they? And it doesn't take much, to make someone else's day so bright, like a blazing sun! It's a great feeling, what? :)
xx
tal
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DJS
rebel8,
That's commonly called the Myers/Briggs Personality Type Indicator. This mother/daughter team followed up on Jung's work. David Kiersey has also added to it. One of his books, Please Understand Me (I think) is often used by marriage/parent counselors. I had a copy of it for years (loaned it). Companies have used the MBPTI test extensively for decades as a tool for hiring/promotions/team building, and trying to fit the right person in the right job. Entire countries have used Jung's premise to help in channeling youths into the vocations to which they are more likely to succeed given their personality type. MBPTI has its detractors, and it isn't 100 percent accurate, but, as you have experienced, it is darned close and has a lot of value.
An article last year suggested that certain MBPTI types have higher incomes than others.
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man oh man
I just remind myself that these so called god fearing clean cut fakers will let a child die on an operating table, will turn their backs on their own flesh and blood and will tear you down with slander if you don't stay in line and yet there are people in my town that will throw on fire suits and enter burning buildings to save people they don't know nor even take the time to judge.
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talesin
The M-B test is pretty accurate imho, at determining personality 'types', though I'm not much on standardized testing of any kind.
My beef with this test is that it 'lost' me 3 jobs. I am not suited for sales because I am not pushy enough according to M-B. The only interviews where I didn't get the job were the ones where the company required taking the M-B test.
And the recruiters were NOT happy. The one guy had recruited me twice (London Life) because he didn't believe the test was right on the first go-round, and wanted me to try it again (yes, I'm good at sales), and the second was pissed off because his hands were tied (CIBC) - he said to apply for Administrative jobs and he would give me a glowing reference to his HR counterparts. Unfortunately, I don't have the letters to get me an administrative position that would equal my skill set.Sorry, had to vent because I would be on easy street right now if I had gotten that bank job. :(
I'm not disagreeing that it's a good tool for personal insight.
tal