stuckinarut2: Kind of like a 'battered-wife' scenario...
Not "kind of," exactly like!
A codependent relationship is a codependent relationship whether it's between a couple of individuals (usually a man and a woman) or between a group of people and the authoritarian control stucture.
The dynamics are identical.
Here are some interesting quotes from relevant websites:
Are You in a Codependent Relationship? (webMD):
- Codependency, by definition, means making the relationship more important to you than you are to yourself
- Probably the most significant theme is a sense of control
- "A lot of times, people have low self-esteem and say, 'I'm no good, no one would want me, and therefore I have to put up with this.' These negative thoughts are very common," he says, "and they have a big impact on why people stay in relationships that may not be good for them."
Are You In a Codependent Relationship? (Psychology Today):
- Although these unbalanced relationships can go on for some time, they are ultimately unsustainable due their consumption of the helper’s physical, emotional, or financial resources, and because they lead to resentment and relationship strain.
Codependency (Mental Health America):
- Similar patterns have been seen in people in relationships with chronically or mentally ill individuals.
- An unhealthy dependence on relationships. The co-dependent will do anything to hold on to a relationship; to avoid the feeling of abandonment
- A sense of guilt when asserting themselves
- A compelling need to control others
- Lack of trust in self and/or others
You will probably find this questionairre from Mental Health America revealing in light of being a Witness:
Questionnaire To Identify Signs Of Co-dependency
This condition appears to run in different degrees, whereby the intensity of symptoms are on a spectrum of severity, as opposed to an all or nothing scale. Please note that only a qualified professional can make a diagnosis of co-dependency; not everyone experiencing these symptoms suffers from co-dependency.
1. Do you keep quiet to avoid arguments?
2. Are you always worried about others’ opinions of you?
3. Have you ever lived with someone with an alcohol or drug problem?
4. Have you ever lived with someone who hits or belittles you?
5. Are the opinions of others more important than your own?
6. Do you have difficulty adjusting to changes at work or home?
7. Do you feel rejected when significant others spend time with friends?
8. Do you doubt your ability to be who you want to be?
9. Are you uncomfortable expressing your true feelings to others?
10. Have you ever felt inadequate?
11. Do you feel like a “bad person” when you make a mistake?
12. Do you have difficulty taking compliments or gifts?
13. Do you feel humiliation when your child or spouse makes a mistake?
14. Do you think people in your life would go downhill without your constant efforts?
15. Do you frequently wish someone could help you get things done?
16. Do you have difficulty talking to people in authority, such as the police or your boss? (or the elders)
17. Are you confused about who you are or where you are going with your life?
18. Do you have trouble saying “no” when asked for help?
19. Do you have trouble asking for help?
20. Do you have so many things going at once that you can’t do justice to any of them?
I grayed out numbers 3, 6 & 7 because they are the only ones that don't seem to be institutional among JWs. In my experience, every other one of these questions can be answered in a way that supports the thesis that being a JW is the same as being in a codependent relationship. The R&F are the enablers for the WT heirarchy.
The abuse comes from the top down. Interestingly, the elders both get it and give it. This is why many of them completely lose their identity.
It is important for us to recognize this cult for what it is and in so doing we can leave this destructive religion, begin to take back control of our life and start healing.
