Have you noticed the common practice is to knock indivual's self esteem?

by stuckinarut2 37 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • Phaedra

    As soon as someone does something well, accomplishes something, or excels at something, the atmosphere effectiveley 'kicks them in the gut' to bring them down.

    Being a JW assures a lifetime of treadmill walking with a carrot dangling in front of you.

    You are never allowed to be "ok" where you are.

    If you hit a milestone (studying, enrolling in school, pioneering, etc.), someone is there to usher, help, guilt you into, shepherd, and encourage taking the next step.

    I can still hear the haunting echoes of assemblies past, "Are you reaching out, Brothers? Or have you become complacent? Is your service to Jehovah whole-souled?"

    Their math is always A=B: (A) if you're not reaching out to the next level of service, then (b) somehow you are deficient.

    If you are (A) pursuing education for a better job, then (b) you are materialistic.

    The JW culture fosters an atmosphere of never-enough, guilt, and perfectionsim.


  • Frazzled UBM
    Frazzled UBM

    jgnat - thanks for thinking about my wfie's situation - her family was not in crushing poverty - her father is a farmer who grows rice and rears livestock and has a small fishing boat to get fish. They are and were pretty self-sufficient. Her brother is a teacher and her sisters work overseas. Not much in the way of material possessions when she was growing up but not going hungry either. They need my help financially from time to time for rood repairs etc. and I am happy to provide it. No I really do think her closed off behaviour is a consequence of her JW conditioning but probably made worse by the impact on her self-esteem of being disfellowshipped for 5 years because of her relationship with me. She is very good at compartmentalising. Her fear of questioning authority is deep seated and I believe a direct result of being a Witness, perhaps more so from the JC experience. She is heavy on the 'being humble' teaching. I do as much as I can to build up her self-esteem by complimenting her often, particularly on her cooking, appreciating what she does for me and encouraging her to push her boundaries by showing I believe in her ability to do things. She is making progress but it is a struggle for her. Cheers Fraz

  • jgnat

    My husband cured me of any false humility by being his manly stupid self, LOL. Don't underestimate the power of the man to undercut a woman's propensity for propriety.

    I mean...jumping out behind doorways for a good "BOO"! Really? Just to hear the woman squeak like a little girl? LOL.

  • Still Totally ADD
    Still Totally ADD

    Knocking you down to lower your self esteem is the name of the game in JW cult land. I remember many moons ago when my first son was just 1 year old. The CO was in town that week and the elders arrange for me to work out in field service with this guy. After the first door he asked me why I was not out in service more. I told him God blessed my wife and I with a son and I had to work more to support them. He immediately responded with cutting words that to this day I will never forget. He said to me "God did not bless you with a child you only had sex with your wife and she got pregnant.'" I have hated that guy ever since. To destroy a young mans self esteem like that. What makes me mad is I allowed it to control me. Still Totally ADD

  • jonza

    My JW gf's self esteem is incredibly low. She's always putting herself down, calling herself stupid/fat etc. She's actually incredibly intellegent, fluent in two languages and is drop dead gorgeous. I compliment her all the time to help her, which helps but she does feel the world is against her. I am sure this is because of the WT.

  • apostatethunder

    Another pernicious practice they have is stroking the ego of idiots.

    If you are a sister you will have to deal with ugly, uninteresting guys with nothing to offer, that will treat you with a lot condescendence even when they see you running away from them. It's disturbing.

  • smiddy


    In truth, the constant bashing reveals how small the leadership really is. They have nothing to build a person up, so resort to tearing others down to make themselves feel better through pseudo moral superiority.

    I couldnt have said it better


  • stuckinarut2


  • snugglebunny

    Was forever having this quoted at me:

    Let someone else praise you, and not your own mouth; an outsider, and not your own lips.

    Proverbs 27. 2

  • stillin

    Another aspect of this is when (and if) somebody who is successful in life, or smart, becomes a Witness or even is a decent return visit, validates the rest of them somehow.

    Good thread to bump

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