I found Elizabeth Kubler-Ross's On Death and Dying quite helpful.
Overwhelming Fear of Death
by Perversion of a truth 34 Replies latest jw friends
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punkofnice
I don't relish the thought of my method of death. I don't obsess over it.
I too believe there is nothing after this life. No afterlife. No god. Just oblivion.
I live each day as it arrives................usually they're crap! Roll on sleep.
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Frazzled UBM
Fear of death hits us (well actually I am speaking for worldy people here) in a big way a couple of times in our lives - when as kids we first really come fact to face with our mortality rather than as a vague concept, then in middle age when we start to realize our best years are behind us and so we engage in behaviour designed to foll ourselves in thinking we are not that old (for men - affairs with younger women being a classic) but then you get through that and get to acceptance and realize the importance of living in the moment. I think ex-Witnesses who learn TTATT have a delayed appreciation of their own mortality and that if that coincides with middle age (in your case early middle age) then it could be like a double whammy.
The Mexicans have Dia del Muerte (the Day of the Dead) when they carry around skulls with their names on to remind themselves of their inevitable demise as way to increase their appreciation of being alive. so my suggestion is embrace yoru mortality as a way to appreciate better the wonder of being alive. Cheers
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Alligator Wisdom
Like you, I had trouble fathoming the thought of my own non-existence......especially in the wake of being raised as a JW with the bright and wonderful prospect of never ever growing old and dying. Now, I'm rapidly approaching 50 years of age.
Years ago I saved this piece from a JWN poster.
Alligator Wisdom (aka Brother NOT Exerting Vigorously)
DEATH
So you have a problem.
All problems are feelings.
In your case the feeling is one of a discrepancy between the way things are and the way you'd like them to be.
You'd like to be immortal and you realize you're mortal.
You imagine things about what that means.
What does death mean?
It means the absence of life.
Certainly if you're dead you won't be perturbed, as you'll not be.
So it isn't really the business of being dead that you find disturbing, but rather the contemplation of deadness in the here and now.
You can change the way you think about it without denying its eventuality.
Before you were born you were effectively non-existent.
Dead.
After you die it will be the same.
So you certainly don't fear the past, where you didn't exist, so why fear the future where you will not exist either?
Perhaps it's a sense of lost opportunity.
You could think of whether it is true that experiences bring gain.
Suppose they don't.
Suppose it's an illusion, that these various stimulations which existence provides will bring about a sense of "ahhh, that's better than not having these"
Perhaps you could examine the self.
Do you have a continuous self now?
Are you the same you that was the infant?
Are you the young man that you were when you were ten?
Or are both of these individuals dead, and you possess their memories.
Perhaps you are nothing but a series of snapshots and the "self" is just a series of these notes played in a certain sequence.
Visit the cemetary near you. Look at the stones, and the names.
See your own.
What's the difference between you above them and the decayed bodies below the surface.
Go for a walk along a highway.
See a recent carcass of an animal.
Go by and see it again and again until it's gone.
Know that will happen to the body your sensation of self for the moment resides in.
Look at the sky at night when you can see the stars.
Know that some of these have already burned out and what you see are visual echoes of dead stars.
Know that if you were a star and gave off light, perhaps someone far away would see you shine and think...But are they still alive...one day they will die.
Explore the ways others have dealt with death and dying.
Know that feelings are impermanent - both good and bad feelings. The worst of these estimated to pass in at most 3-4 months. The best of these fade too.
You remain you.
And then you die.
All the time.
Sometimes you notice, and sometimes not.
Death comes and flakes you away like a soap bar in the water.
The image fades through the soap.
Ask yourself if others are living.
Ask yourself if you want to know the truth of be content with a lie.
Jesus himself said in John 12:24 - "most truly I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the ground and dies, it remains just one grain; but if it dies, it then bears much fruit. He that is fond of his soul destroys it..." in so saying this, he indicated among other things that the business of true living involves death.
Fighting a natural process is self destructive.
The answer to death is to embrace change and become something new, something more.
If you spend yourself in this way being true to whatever grain of "wheat" you happen to be, then when you die, there will be no loss - not for you or anyone else.
This universe isn't a bag with holes.
What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.
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jgnat
I embrace life, probably because I've come close to losing it as blondie has said. It's a paradoxical thing. People who have come close to danger are often the least afraid. I've got a few tips. Pick what works for you.
Cognitive Behavior Therapy. List the things you fear about dying, like growing old or no existence, and pick one you are least afraid of. Expose yourself for a short while to an experience that will remind you of this fear, and ride it out. The unreasoning aspect of your fear should diminish.
Read Ecclesiastes. Highlight the few positive statements about our short life on this earth.
Engage in activities that will extend your influence to future generations such as planting an oak, reading a book to a grandchild, or writing a book.
Read The Time Paradox: The New Psychology of Time That Will Change Your Life by Philip G. Zimbardo, John Boyd
Remember Job 3:25. Often the thing we fear the most will jump up and slap us in the face.
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Pams girl
As a person who has struggled with anxiety and panic issues for many years, I can totally relate to your fear of death. However, I found a quote a few years back which really helped me...."Don't be afraid to die, be afraid that you haven't lived...."...it put things into perspective for me. As I approach my mid forties, I find that beginning to "live" has helped me diminish the obsessing train of thought......having time on your hands to dwell on things compound the problem. I hope you feel better soon
Paula
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Apognophos
I don't really know if I have any useful advice, since I had to overcome my fear of death as a child. I was very anxious and the only way I could cope with the fear was by embracing it, imagining myself dying (I also had a lot of death dreams where I was able to accept my fate calmly, which was no doubt my subconscious assisting me by letting me work through various scenarios). It sounds morbid, but it worked.
Nowadays I don't have any particular fear, besides a concern that I may not accomplish something significant if I die too soon. But as long as I use each day to the fullest in working towards my goals, I can rest assured that, whenever the end comes, I did the best with what resources I was given. We each end up having a certain amount of time allotted to us, so as long as you are using it well, what more can you do?
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TTATTelder
I like Pams girl's quote;
"Don't be afraid to die, be afraid that you haven't lived...."
If you you think about it, that's probably what the real fear is...that you haven't or are not presently really living.
What would really really living look like to you? ...What does it feel like? What does it smell like? Who is there? What are you wearing? Where are you?
Start taking steps toward that picture today.
I recently read something I thought was pretty brilliant. Ask yourself, Where do I want to be in 5 years? And then start having a small piece of that now.
For instance, let's say you want a life where you take a fabulous vacation every 3 months. Well make plans to go ahead and take whatever vacation you can afford now every 3 months - even if its just going out of town and staying with a relative for the weekend. Start the habit now and build from there.
You want to be the person going for a jog 3 times a week? Start walking for 10 minutes 3 mornings a week now.
Don't keep saying "one day I'll..." or "wouldn't it be nice if...." Have a taste of it now.
When you are really living and creating the life you want you don't think about death.
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Band on the Run
I've always feared death. The Witness teaching about Jesus body post-Resurrection made it so much worse. Plus, I accepted some Roman Catholic notions from the kids at school. The university I attended had many international students. I kept thinking about what they believed. French classes immersed me in the French existenalists.
When I was younger, I suffered utterly agonizing facial pain. I started to see death as a welcome friend. Something in me stopped me from doing a rational deed. I no longer viewed is as horrible. Access to death made me feel less frightened. I still fear death if I only have minor aches or pains or manageable conditions. My mom grew up in the funeral businesss and never showed any fear. I can't stand driving by a funeral home.
When I analyze my fear, I realize much of it has to do with sitting at KH as a preschooler listening to very adult topics. ARmageddon scares me horribly. Next, there were demons. The demons could not even be rebuked in Jesus' name. I still run electric lights all night to keep them away. No closet doors can be open.The orange Paradise Lost book for children had horrific illustratiions. They are funny at age 60. Not funny at 8 or 10. The ground was always break up at the big A. Infants were fed to a cow god. Very calming stuff.
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Pams girl
TTATTelder..........bang on the money.
Dont say "I will" say "I AM"........
Nice one
Paula x