Is it possible to love 2 people at same time?

by butalbee 39 Replies latest social relationships

  • Prisca

    You've stuffed up big time. But that's what happens when you follow your heart sometimes.

    Count your losses and move on.

    And no, I don't believe a person can love 2 people at the same time. Someone ends up getting second-best.

  • Seeker4

    I'm a man, first off, but I do feel you can love more than one person at a time. This idea that we have one "soul mate" that we must find to have our life fulfilled is a nice, romantic myth. From my own experience, I'd say that what happens is you meet people who fulfill or mesh with different parts of your personality, and that draws you to them. sometimes you fall in love with these people, and they fall in love with you. And it may be more than one at a time.

    I've also seen this: It also tends to happen to people with "bigger" or more complex personalities. How many artists or writers or musicians have you heard of this happening to? I think that is partly because they tend to be risk takers, they tend to be more complex, and of course they also tend to have bigger egos and don't struggle so much with what others see as selfish actions. Some people would see this as a character flaw, but I think that's too simplistic. I think it's just the other side of having a very passionate personality. it might be considered the dark side in our culture, but it's there all the same.

    Can loving two persons work? VERY, VERY difficult. There is going to be one of those lives that will be less than the other one. But that may be enough.

    It doesn't sound like your situation fits that possibility. So if rebuilding trust will reconnect you with your soulmate, it means cutting things off totally with the playmate.

    Trust will likely never be totally rebuilt, but that is part of the price you will pay for living closer to the ragged edge of life than most people dare to go. Good luck.

  • Matty

    Different people feel differently about different things. Different people have different opinions on what constitutes love, so you are bound to get different answers to this question. If you get two people together that feel the same about life and love, then they are very lucky!

    I personally think that if you truly love someone, their concerns and everything in their lives are actually more important than your own, and this should guide the way you think and feel and the way you deal with other people. Artists and writers or musicians are often very intelligent and complex, but they may be emotionally very shallow at the same time. I don't think being an intellectual necessarily means that you have a heightened or superior perception of what love is.

    When you get deeply hurt though, it hardens you and this makes you more selfish, it's a shame but it's totally understandable. I hope everyone concerned can rebuild their lives and learn to trust again.

  • gumby

    I've got this whole thing figured out!

    All you have to do is go ask a Mormon who has several wives if he loves them all.....then you'll know!

    'Torn between two lovers........feeling like fool'.....................

  • Nathan Natas
    Nathan Natas

    Lets say that Jane has two sons, Jacob and Esau. Certainly one of them must die, no?

    As you can now clearly see, it is all Bible based.

    You're welcome.

  • butalbee

    No thanks Gumby--I'll pass on asking the mormons this question.

  • LB
    How do you win a person's trust back once they are decieved? Any suggestions?

    You won't. I've seen plenty of marriages fall apart years after the "affair". My buddy finally divorced his wife because she no longer trusted him. This was 7 years after his little fling.

    Amazing how it's mostly women who think you can love two at once. I say it's infatuation or lust but not love. Love makes you focus on one individual. You put their needs above your own. No one needs to have their lover screwing someone else.

    Never Squat With Yer Spurs On

  • outonalimb

    Jane can't "get him back". She can only regain his trust with the passing of time. John will never forget, but if he has any insight and inner strength, he will look at himself and realize Jane strayed for a reason and what can he do differently this time. Assuming he still wants to continue the relationship. I am not saying it's Johns fault,but he obviously didn't fulfill something in Jane. Both John and Jane need to be really honest with each other, ego's aside, and decide together if there is any foundation left to build on. If they truly love each other, they will.

    LB, I think you can, it may take 8 years, it depends on the strength and commitment of the individuals involved.


  • SPAZnik

    haha it just cracks me up how a thread asking

    "can you love two people at once"
    somehow turns into

    "artists...tend to have bigger egos"
    "artists...may be emotionally very shallow at the same time"


    No, i'm not an artist...i just find it funny.
    Cuz really the above statements seem to me
    to really have little to do with whether a person
    is an "artist" or not, but could be said about
    basically anybody.

    Back to the subject at hand,


    love is such a broad word...
    Bitter Mango summed up well how i feel about it too...

    Yes, it's possible to "love" 2 people at once,
    I love lotsa people, and find it easy to do so.
    As for being IN LOVE...that's a much more
    potent feeling. i personally have
    only ever been IN LOVE with one person at a time.

    I also liked the question the follower made
    about whether it is possible to love just one
    person at a time...
    i had been thinking similarly...i often doubt
    that some people are even capable of "love" at all...
    at almost any level. i feel sad for them.

    Everyone's different though.
    Each relationship is very unique too.

    Good luck to Jane and John and Joe.
    I mainly hope Jane can be honest and open
    with herself about everything that happened
    and find some peace and learnings from that,
    opening herself up to having stronger, more satisfying
    love(s) in the future.


  • Xander

    Now John tells her that he still loves her, always will, but he just can't ever trust her again...Life sucks, doesn't it?

    Well, this is a positive.

    I'd say it depends on how trustworthy 'Jane' has been before and since. Has she screwed up 'John's trust more than once, even over minor things? If not, if she's generally been the perfect pair for 'John', and if she can REALLY swallow her pride, admit she was wrong, and beg for forgiveness....well, it might work - it will depend on 'John'.

    The key thing is for her to admit SHE was wrong - not try to find extenuating circumstances - 'Oh, this is why I did it', etc. If she was wrong and wants to try and salvage the relationship, she needs to tell him that.

    And, again, it still depends on him. It's the only shot, though, so...

    And from spaz and mango:
    love is such a broad word...
    Bitter Mango summed up well how i feel about it too...

    Yes, it's possible to "love" 2 people at once,
    I love lotsa people, and find it easy to do so.
    As for being IN LOVE...that's a much more
    potent feeling.

    I agree. Sure, you can love more than 1. Not even difficult. Being IN LOVE with 2 or more? Nope. I know a lot of people who THINK they can be, but everyone else who knows them and can see their lives objectively realizes they are kidding themselves.

    A good litmus test is: Could you go on living without the relationship you have with one of them? If the answer is 'yes' - then you aren't really in love with them.

    In general, it never works out, either.

    (And, this is a strange crowd here - in all cases I knew personally, it was MEN who thought they could be in love with 2 women - no women I know have ever sought more than a monogamous relationship?)

    Xander F
    (Unseen Apostate Directorate of North America - Ohio order)

    A fanatic is one who, upon losing sight of his goals, redoubles his efforts.
    --George Santayana

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