Help! I have fallen in love with a Witness

by itsalingthing 33 Replies latest social relationships

  • itsalingthing

    I recently started dating my neighbor. A couple of nights into the late night talks, he told me the reason he hasn't dated in awhile is beacuse he is a Witness. I was surprised, but okay with it. I fell completely in love with him before that. We are adults and I feel I could be a good mate for him. (I am not a Witness). We get along so well and love to be around each other. He was not always a Witness and so therefore has some memories of life before. He is 35 and I am 27. We are not virgins and that has proved to be an obstacle in the recent week. We have made some slips and I didn't know just how bad we had been until last night. He called to tell me that he has been feeling overwhelming guilt by our actions and that we should try to refrain from any activity that would tempt us. I was okay with that until today, when he started to avoid my attempts to call him. I am so confused and want to prove to him that I will do anything it takes to be with him. I haven't told him that I am in love with him and am afraid that it will send him running. Is there anything that I can do to help get him back? Any scripture that I should read to help me along. I am willing to become a witness and learn Jehovah's teachings, but I need some guidance.

  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee

    You want advise - run away as fast as you can.

    If his guilt gets bad enough he will go to the congregation elders and confess his sin. They will order him to stop seeing you and to move if necessary. Depending on how strongly he belives the teachings he will obey. And it sounds like from his guilt and avoidance this has already started.

    You don't say how long you have known each other but real love takes openess - the kind of openness that JWs are not capable of becuase of the rules imposed on them by the organization. I'm not saying your feelings aren't wonderful - just that I doubt he can really love you back. The controls that JWs put on people and the fears they implant in people will always put a wall betweeen the two of you. Even if you become a JW there will always be this guilt in him. And he will always wonder about your belief and whether you are there for him or for God.

    For your part this is no way to live. Trading freedom for love is a sad bargain and the organization will always come first for him. It is what he has been taught and trained to do.

    Your only chance is if he chooses to leave - but even then it has to be for the right reasons. If he leaves for you and still believes it is the only true religion again there will be that wall you can never get through.

    All that being said... if you decide anything - at least talk - if that is at all possible.

    Aspire to inspire before you expire

  • Gopher

    Hi there,

    Instead of repeating the same reply, may I direct you to another thread from today about the exact same subject? It will tell you why Lady Lee is begging you to run, not walk, away from this relationship. Here's the link to that thread: I hope that information will help you somewhat.


    This post was not evaluated by any mental health professionals.
    Any opinions expressed are those of a fuzzy, cuddly rodent.

  • butalbee

    I wish all these stupid dim wit witnesses would just leave us worldly people alone and stop playing mind games with our hearts....OMG, get ready for hardache and heartbreak, take this advice--RUN FAR FAR AWAY. These dumb dubs know better than to get involved with us worldly people, why do they do this to us????? This just pisses my current situation off even more. Dumb ass dub men. You know there's plenty of skirt's at their hall to 'court', I think their just fascinated w/ the forbidden fruit, wanting to taste that ripe melon, have their cake and eat it too.

  • LB

    Don't join a cult to be with this guy. If he loved you he would quit in a heartbeat. He's already breaking the rules. The day I most regret in my entire life is the day I got baptized.

    Don't ruin your life.

    Never Squat With Yer Spurs On

  • Darkhorse

    Do not put your life on hold for somebody.

    If this person truly loves you, he will leave the JW - you had mentioned he was not always a JW. But he needs to leave for the right reasons, he must want to; otherwise you will have the Watchtower wall always between you.

    I certainly would not give up my freedom for him. If he does not leave the JW, this means he is putting the JW before you and he - and that is the way it will always be. I have never been a JW, and I would not ever give up my freedom and own identity for anybody. I have a friend who is a JW (am unsure of her involvement; I am also a woman). I know this is a different situation than a romantic relationship; but some of the principles are the same.

    For instance, I like my friend for the person she is. If she ever said to me, "The only way we can really be friends is if you become a JW." (Inside this would really bother me). But I would reply to her, "If the only way you would consider me a friend is to join your religion, then you do not truly like me for myself, therefore you are not a true friend. I believe in to each their own, but if becoming a JW is certain criteria for whether or not you can be my friend or not makes me sad. I am not into any form of organized religion and I know for certain the JW religion is not for me, so please do not be offended for my refusal to become a JW. In all honesty, it would not workout. If you ever find you need a true friend and can accept me for myself, I will be around, take care ."

    Please really think your situation out, before you act.


    I was going to post something of great wisdom BUT NO I am not--I believe when in doubt don"t...ME I would convert to be a JEW rather than a JW or even a ISLAM, etc. my opinion of course...QUEENIE

  • Mister Biggs
    Mister Biggs

    There needs to be a special section on this board for this looped, re-used scenairo.
    Please use your creative juices.

    Biggs-Not of the Dear Abby class

    I live in a shack and I poop in an outhouse.

  • Imbue

    Not another one! Butal maybe you could start an online support group just for this...

    Sorry, itsalingthing you have my condolences!You have a difficult time ahead of you. As they said just run as fast as you can!!!

    "The only good elite are dead elite!!"-Naeblis

  • tdogg

    So, I dont understand, did you DO IT or not?

    Cause if you did, then, well as JW, he is screwed. You are screwed because he is screwed and is now screwed up, all because you screwed.

    If not, then you are screwed because he wont screw untill you screw up your life by becoming a JW. And if you screw before you are both JW and married then you are screwed because, well see above.

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