Im not sure how much longer i can take this

DS211

I kind of snapped at my wife today...for no reason really. And in my frustration ive been contemplating just spilling the beans...i know its not the best idea but i do t know how much longer i can lead a double life and hide the truth. As i still believe in God i feel like a hypocrite. Its putting me in crappy moods and im having trouble homding back when something involving the WT is concerned. My wife is showing lack of interest in ORG stuff but i seem to be more sensitive to irritation and frustration. Ive never had depression issues until the org...i e had short tempers but i could express myself...now i feel different, more supressed and sublimated.

DS

leaving_quietly

Hang in there. I'm was at this point a few months ago. Now, I've come to accept that JWs are not "the truth" and simply go through the motions . . . for now.

thedog1

I've just started to question things, and I've found that in life generally it is best to be patient and think before you act. Take it easy if you can, work it through for both of you.

redvip2000

I don't have too much info on your situation, or how much you've discussed this. But why not probe a lil? Don't spill the beans totally, but next time a subject comes up, very casually mention that " you know, i heard that..... " followed by " And then i looked into it and it was true because...."

That's how i did it. Don't come out as mister know it all, but instead be intrigued and she will be interested in it as well..

troubled mind

Is it possible for you to let out a little bit at a time to your wife ? You need to do something if it is affecting your health !

I am the type of person that can not hold in problems for very long with out having health issues like depression, anxiety ,high blood pressure . When I left the JW it was kind of sudden ,and it really took my husband by surprise . If I had to do it over again I would give him more warning, by telling him a bit at a time what was bothering me about our religion . Maybe using some advice from people that understand cult personality ,like Steve Hasson . I was lucky ,even though I botched up how I told my husband ,he eventually came to the same conclusion as I did .

You never know she may have the same feelings as you do and is afraid to express them too ! Use some leading questions with her to find out what she thinks about certain issues ...ask her what she would do ....Help her to start thinking critically looking at different angles besides the JW view .

Good luck

OnTheWayOut

For my own sanity, I had to do a fast fade out of the Kingdom Hall after I learned TTATT.

My wife knows how I feel, won't listen to anything bad about WTS, but I don't have to hold it in like a pressure cooker.

Find ways to vent it slowly and really really look into how you can not be at the meetings.

cognac

Upon finding out TTATT, I immediately snapped and flipped out telling my husband it was a cult and everything. Did go over very well but I've never regretted it.

jgnat

Regaining a sense of control will help you stay cool. If it is unwise to make any sudden moves, you can regain control by making a plan.

TTATTelder

I have done the same thing you described in snapping at your wife. This whole awakening thing causes more anxiety than most people realize. It builds and comes flying out sometimes. I still think it is best to try and play it cool. I am going through the same thing.

I realized early on that this is going to be an experience like no other and it will demand from me qualities and skills that I have yet to develop or ever need thus far in life. I mean who of us is born ready for this type of thing? But... I am determined to develop the patience and the grit needed to see this thing through.

It will mean faking through some conversations. It will mean living a mental/spiritual double life to some extent. I will have to pick and choose what I am willing to say from the platform and through commenting. I see it as a mission. I love my wife and I want to be with her for many many years after this process of breaking free.

I try to focus on the upside. For me it was a huge relief to be freed from the guilt trips and control games of the org. So while I am still trapped, I am free now in so many other ways. I can live on that for awhile.

KateWild

DS, what a stressful predicament you are in. We are here to support you. I had an outburst with my daughter, she was out but still not fully awake. I said some things about TTATT, that were inopprotune. The good news is she got over it and many supported me here on JWN. Hopefully you will be spared an outburst if you get the right support.

Take care love Kate xx

Im not sure how much longer i can take this

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