I was never disfellowshipped, but it's been about 10 years since I was an active JW. I've made an occasional meeting or half-day at an assembly here or there, strictly at the behest of family (maybe once a year), but I'm completely disconnected. More importantly, mentally I'm 100% free.
We all have a tendency to project our views and beliefs onto others, and tending to believe that other former JWs share our views is no different. I recently started thinking about this subject because I found a former "prominent" elder online who is clearly no longer a JW. He has a beard, a trendy haircut, and has pro-gay rights stuff on his facebook page. I sent him an email in an attempt to reconnect and let him know I was no longer a JW. The email went unanswered.
This isn't the first time this has happened. I reached out on facebook to a guy my age who was a pioneer around the same time I was. He later went to Bethel. Again, his facebook page made it clear he was no longer a JW. I reached out to him and got nothing back.
Not everyone who leaves the JWs behind is like me. I get that. I'm mostly over the mental baggage that the religion saddled me with. I realize none of it is true and enjoy having someone to talk to about it since there are so few people out there who are in the position to understand what I've been through. From my personal experience, though, I believe I'm in the minority. Most former JWs either never fully shed the indoctrination or don't care to rehash the past.
With that said, how many different groups of former JWs are there? I can think of four main groups.
1. People (mostly born-ins) who never bought into any of it. By the time they're adults they drift away and lead normal lives. They have very little interest in being part of the XJW community since they were never really a JW to begin with. It was something their parents forced them to do and they went on to lead their own lives as soon as they could. There might be converts who fit this description. Mostly people who converted to please family members or spouses, but who never embraced the religion fully. Once the marriage fell apart or once the family pressure subsided, they drifted away.
2. People who continue to believe that JWs have the truth, at least in some capacity, but they believe they are simply too weak and sinful to remain part of the organization so they give up and lead a "worldly" life because they're doomed anyway. Sadly, far too many of the kids I grew up with whom later drifted away fit into this category. A lot of them have been disfellowshipped multiple times. Sometimes they give up. But they're one terrorist attack or one natural disaster away from banging on the door of the kingdom hall. A good number of them sink into depression, alcoholism and/or drug use. They feel dirty, like they're not worthy of God's love.
3. People who decide to leave, whether because they mentally realized it was not the truth or because they lost the emotional/societal attachment, and don't want anything to do with the religion anymore. They realize they wasted a lot of years and don't want to waste any more time rehashing the past. Many of the people who fit this description try hard to hide the fact that they used to be JWs. Some don't hide it, but don't have a lot of desire to talk about it, either.
4. Similar to group 3, but the difference is disconnecting from the JWs was generally more traumatic. I consider myself a part of this group. A lot of people in this group suffered great trauma from realizing they'd been deceived. Discovering that the central premise in their lives was false left them with a huge emotional and spiritual void. They feel angry and confused and benefit from talking it out with like-minded people. Others in this group suffered great emotional or physical abuse at the hands of JWs. They realize that the true religion would not treat them this way and they seek the comfort of sharing their experiences with other. Many if not most in this group soon realize the lies inherent in the teachings and this becomes the final nail in the coffin of their attachment to the religion.
This is a possible explanation for why these people I've reached out to have not responded to my emails. Not every former JW is in Group 4. And even if these were Group 4 XJWs, maybe they didn't trust me. Perhaps they thought that I was a Group 2 and would eventually try to convince them to go back to "the truth." Or maybe they didn't want to risk the chance that I still have connections to the witnesses and I'd take what I learned about their lives and disseminate it among the nosy active JWs.
By no means do I believe that the above is a comprehensive list. What do you think? Am I missing other categories? Am I oversimplifying things?