by slimboyfat 406 Replies latest jw friends
Take care sbf! One thing is certain, he can go back physically but his mind will never go back to sleep while in dub land. In my case I know that in the near future I will be forced to make a decision, and I know the hill is steep and it will get hard... but I can taste the freedom and is great.
SBF I hope you can find the inner peace you seek.
Peace,
Suavojr
Wow!
He sure made an impact here. There's little I could add. I must confess I haven't read all the comments.
The interesting thing is that he is still in a relationship with us. He felt the need to say good bye.
In my life when people part ways and feel the need to explain themselves they have actually set the stage for a return.
The one thing you can say about his character is that he vascillates. This is a sign that he is high on the psychological trait of "openness to experience".
These people are dominated by their curiosity. They are always searching. They carry seemingly incompatible thoughts in their minds for a long time. Sometimes they
give up. But that is only part of the creative process they are going through. They can't live without giving their curiosity full reign.
My prediction is that he will be back.
Pay close attention to the newbies that come on here. We have over 8000 posts of his and he won't be able to hide his style.
He absolutely will be back. I know. I've been here before. This is now my third presence.
I wish you all the best SBF!
SBF, you will be missed.....just hope you follow your heart. But I too have the feeling that Adam may have right. If so (wouldn´t surprise me, many JW are nosey of nature) the so humble "Elders of SBF" may watch this forum (and this thread) to see if he´s holding his word.
Take care SBF
" Abusive Churches make leaving so painful"
It's hard to make friends outside the Organization if you are a naturally shy person or a rugged invidualist. SBF makes the same thoughts I heard by many long-time JWs, they believe this is the best life possible even if it's wrong. To quote one brother "I was lucky enough to have the best of friends (His JW Partner ripped him off $250k) and live a honest life (He stold money from people frequently), what's wrong with being a moral person?" Slim never was this deluded, here's a couple of pages from Professor Enroth's book.
Why it's so dam hard to leave a abusive cult or church.
"
As one can see from Beth's case, leaving an abusive church situation can be extremely difficult, calling into question every aspect of life members may have experienced for the period of time they were involved. I want to discuss the range of emotions and issues that ex-members may face when they exit an abusive-church situation. Then I will provide a general overview of the changing experiences, feelings, and needs that emerge over the course of weeks, months, and even years after departure.
Leaving a restricted and abusive community involves what sociologists call the de-socialization process whereby the individual loses identification with the past group and moves toward re-socialization, or reintegration into the mainstream culture. There are a number of emotions and needs that emerge during this transition process. How one deals with these feelings and affective experiences has a significant impact on the overall healing that is required.
Many have described the aftermath of abusive-church involvement as comparable to that of rape victims, or the delayed stress syndrome experienced by war veterans. It is recovery from what might be called spiritual rape. You feel like something has been lost and you will never be the same again.
Initially, victims may have a total lack of feeling regarding their experience. They may not evidence pain, anger, sadness, or even joy at being free. Such lack of feeling may be a protective mechanism from the strong surge of emotion that is sure to come. Victims need a safe and secure environment in which to vent their emotions. Such venting was often labeled as "sin" in their previous environments, and it may take some time until they give themselves permission to allow these feelings to surface.
Whether or not they show any emotion, victims are in great need of empathetic, objective individuals who will not treat them like spiritual pariahs or paranoid storytellers. The events they have just been through are as unbelievable to them as they are to their listeners. They have experienced great social and psychological dislocation. An open attitude on the part of friends, family, and counselors greatly assists the healing process.
Feelings of fatigue are common among people when they first disengage. It is not unusual for them to need to sleep for long periods. As one former member recalls, "Emotionally drained, I was often physically impaired … As a result, it was sometimes difficult for me to function … I was frequently emotionally unavailable to my husband and children, and much of the time I simply wanted to be left alone."
Victims are extremely vulnerable at this point. They have come out of an all-embracing religious environment where there are no grays, only blacks and whites. While members of authoritarian groups, they have had to put aside their old relational and coping styles and learn the ones acceptable to the group. Often these are antisocial and confrontational. And coming out of a context where they developed strong dependency needs, they are extremely suggestible and vulnerable to those whom they feel they can trust, whether counselor, immediate family member, or pastor. Betraying that trust can wreak havoc on them, only validating the warnings of their previous leader concerning the "outside world," and perhaps driving them back into another (or even the same) regimented environment where they feel they can at least control some of the variables. Lack of control can be terrifying.
Having been in an environment that frequently includes spiritual manipulation, emphasis on experience, and focus on demons, victims of abusive churches may experience a lack of reality upon leaving the group. They may believe that they can easily pick up where they left off before entering the group, regardless of the changes in the larger society and in their friends and family. They soon discover that reentry does not involve simply returning to one's previous lifestyle. In short, they can't go home. The future may appear to be unrealistically bright or ominous, depending on the condition in which the person reentered the mainstream. As one ex-member of the Church of the Great Shepherd states, "It is an extremely important factor whether a person leaves an abusive-church situation knowing that the group was wrong, or believing that he was wrong and is now sinning against God."
Vague and undefined anger is common at this point. Victims may be easily upset and frustrated, yet they have no focus for their anger. They may also be strongly repelled or fascinated by spiritual issues, either completely rejecting or consuming literature that might explain and give reasons for the ordeal they underwent.
A letter I received from a woman in the midwest describes some of these feelings. "It's only been a year since we've left and there are days when I still feel I have had the air punched out of me. The cult books really don't address the issue that I find hardest to reconcile: I can't dismiss these people completely because, while they are 'cultic' in terms of psychological control, they still claim Christian doctrine and therefore they are still my brothers and sisters in Christ."
Feelings of isolation can be devastating, especially for those who have walked out of abusive churches on their own without any support. Victims may feel a sinking sense of loss and be unable to relate to other people, even in the midst of a crowd. They are lonely and alone. Very few can understand what they have been through. As one woman describes it, "The complexity of the experience is so great that it is impossible to adequately communicate it to someone who has not gone through it." Vietnam veterans have expressed very similar feelings.
If the group from which they defected was tightly structured, and the victims have cut off all previous ties to friends and family, they may come out into the real, cold world without any support systems whatsoever. Consequently, they may have great difficulty trusting those with whom they have no history. They have left behind their best friends, their spiritual family, with whom they have shared intimate, daily experiences for years. Those same friends now shun them and treat them as enemies and traitors. Without help, victims may become suicidal or severely ill, either physically or mentally. Depression is almost inevitable.
As one ex-member of a small, East coast church stated, "When I left the group, I experienced hell. I felt an unbearable separation from God. I felt that God had left me, that I was divorced from someone I was deeply in love with. My whole life was over. I felt like a floating cloud. I felt extreme guilt over leaving my 'family' and betraying those I loved. I felt that God would kill me … I used to take long drives and just scream as loud as I could, the pain and the guilt were unbearable."
It is possible, though difficult, to come through such an experience without a support system of any kind. However, victims who have not had the opportunity through a support system to sort through their varied emotions, thoughts, and spiritual confusion, may end up with deep, unresolved hurts. The development of a new social-support structure, therefore, is crucial.
I have had the opportunity to follow the progress of one young woman who left an abusive-church group on her own. She has finally reached a point where she understands what happened to her, but it has taken her several years to sort it all out. "The majority of my recovery took four years," she writes. "It took me two and a half years of continual searching for the truth, gradual healing, encouragement, reading the Bible, and spending much time alone with God before I was healed and renewed in my mind enough to face the fact that I had been deceived. The mental, emotional, and spiritual hold that the group had on me was not broken until I personally renounced them and divorced myself from them. It took two and a half years to be ready to do that.
"When I did, I was ab"
Read the rest at http://www.apologeticsindex.org/773-chapter-9-abusive-churches-make-leaving-painful
Okay SBF I'm genuinely stunned! I wish you all the best.
Isaac
Just checking the date isn't April 1st....
Well - best of luck Slim. We'll miss you here....
Wow, nine years is a long time to post on an ex-JW site and then go back to the religion.
I won't judge him, though, because I am not familiar with his circumstances. Maybe he has family there who won't associate with him unless he attends meetings.
All I know is that I am glad I have no family in the religion and after how I was treated, there is no way I would go back (now, of all times). I would have to be out of my cotton-picking mind.
I am sure that anybody who sets foot in a kingdom hall anywhere is going to be walking a gauntlet of needy people. I kid you not. All these people will have their hands out.
Such as......people who just lost their jobs, pioneers who "didn't count the cost", elderly who didn't save for retirement, out-of-work released bethelites and missionaries, CO's looking for handouts and free housing, congregations looking for money for renovations, etc., unstable individuals who joined the religion looking for assistance. All this is in addition to the deadbeats who were there all long. Did I leave anything out?
Things are not good in JW-land and the policies of the religion are coming back to bite them.
I'm not here very often anymore, so I'm just seeing where Slim has said goodbye. He mentioned, 'not fitting in', or something similar. To me, it wasn't that so much as he didn't fall in step with whatever was popular at the moment. Even ex-dubs fall prey to a group mentality when they get to criticizing the WTS. Not Slim. He seemed to find a way to look thru it all and come to his own conclusion on the matter. Sometimes it fit in with the popular opinion. Sometimes it didn't, and he didn't mind saying so.
A few people have wondered how one could post here for so long, act as if you're leaving/fading and then do a 180 and go back. I know a couple of people who are still active and pretending to be faithful dubs, yet are fully awakened to the lie that is "the Truth". What I've noticed is that when they spend so much time associating with those people (JWs), they are still influenced by them, even when they don't truly believe in the doctrine. Their world view can be skewed by their constant indoctrinal talks, meetings, asseblies, etc.
If you're one of those people, there comes a time when you either are going to go crazy, trying to pretend you're something you're not, or you make a change away from the insanity of living a lie. So you have two basic choices: 1. You leave. You finally pull the trigger, cut the cord, break it off, whatever. You take a stand AGAINST the WTS and you move on with your life, chips falling where they may. Or - 2. You give up and you give in. You can't fight em. Your family outnumbers you. They're stronger. They win. You go back and give it your all. It happens.
So long Slim. I enjoyed your posts over the years. I hope you find happiness whereever your path takes you.
