HELP. ELDERS COMING TO TALK WITH THE FAMILY

by Thoughtless 48 Replies latest jw experiences

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  Thoughtless

  So after the annual meeting, on Sunday, the elders want to talk with my family. I do not like this one bit. Perhaps I am being exposed. I am over 18 so if I think it is apostasy, they would talk to me privately, despite me being in my mother's home. I am really freaking nervous and I do not know what to think. WHY WOULD THEY WANT TO TALK TO MY WHOLE FAMILY? Encouragement? Maybe, but they asked me to be there specifically (despite me not really having a "role" in the family, I just kind of live there). Consolation? Advice?

  ~Thoughtless
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  sir82

  What is your goal? Do you want to remain a JW, or do you want to get DF'ed?

  If your goal is to remain a JW, just smile and nod and "oh yes, what good counsel, thank you Brother Goober, I'll be sure to apply it right away.".

  Then, of course, completely forget everything they've said before their tires have left your driveway.
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  daniel-p

  Smile and nod.
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  Old Goat

  The belief that you're obligated to talk to them exists only in their head. Go sit in the car if you do not want to participate.
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  sspo

  Most likely is for encouragement and getting you guys to do more. Just listen and agree and don't do a thing they tell you.
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  jgnat

  Here's a couple examples to ponder.

  I know a couple where the wife, fearful of her husband's disaffection, called the elders over for a shepherding call. The husband gave the elders both barrels. The wife saw that the elders had no defence, and her husband's example led her to leave as well.

  A woman who had quietly faded from Witness activity, was visited by the elders. They tried to wrangle from her why she wasn't attending the meetings. She sweetly dismissed them, saying she was happy and if she ever needed them, she would be sure to call. She showed them the door.

  You are in a slightly more vulnerable position. It almost sounds like an intervention, and the elders may be counting on overwhelming peer pressure to get you to cave. So have an exit plan ready. Pay attention to where you sit. Have a few phrases ready if you need them to back off. Consider if you want to be there at all.
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  SyntaxError1974

  "I'm sorry, I already had plans for after. I was going out to eat with...I have a party to go to.... I already promised I would take Timmy to ...."
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  jgnat

  It just dawned on me that this is immediately after the annual meeting. The elders will be tired and trying to process all the changes. You might deflect by simply asking about the meeting in ever finer detail.
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  Thoughtless

  Depending on the annual meeting, I may have to make my decision. Damn it.
• 

  Separation of Powers

  Thoughtless,

  Unless you have given yourself up publicly. i.e. posted on a general website that has your name attached to it, your opinions that are contrary to the organization OR unless you have spoken publicly to 2 or more people at the same time regarding your opinions that are contrary to the organization, then I agree with daniel-p....just sit there are nod.

  Procedure is procedure. If you are an adult, especially if you are baptized, the elders don't have the right to discuss your situation with your family. So, you may be overthinking this. They may simply want to take advantage of the "high holy day" to visit your family and try to encourage you.

  If they meet with your family and try to discuss issues that pertain to you (as an adult), you should simply state, "If there is something that you would like to address with me, then I would appreciate it if you did so in private." In that way, you can control the situation and the blowback from your family will be minimal. UNLESS, however, your family is very loyal to you as an individual. At times, the elders will be very hesitant to make even the slightest assertion if they feel the family is gonna go balistic...

  The fact that they want to meet with everybody seems like it is more shepherding than anything else. One thing is for sure, it doesn't help getting yourself worked up for it. One day at a time is the best way to live. I think Jesus said it best, "sufficient for each day is its own badness..."

  SOP