Yeah I agree don't get married. It seems like you are on 2 different levels, or should I say 3 different levels If you include WT.
hello. pls help. getting married soon. afraid i won't be happy because wtbts said so.
by seasickbumblebee 80 Replies latest social relationships
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jgnat
I checked my comments on this post and I've answered your question whether pre-marital fun can destroy a marriage. Not of itself. Obsessive guilt does, though. And your fiancee has caught the disease. His excessive guilt has all the power to destroy your future happiness.
In the broader society, lots of couples indulge in pre-marital happiness. They are marrying later, too. What the WTS fails to mention is that there are fewer divorces, too. So no, pre-marital sex does not destroy a marriage. Those are the facts.
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Ding
I agree with DNCall that your biggest problem is that you have doubts about the WT religion and your boyfriend does not.
This will affect every area of your life.
Do you feel free to tell him your doubts or are you afraid he will turn you in to the elders?
The WT always makes JWs feel guilty about something in order to control them.
Do you want a married life where your husband will always be trying to keep the elders happy?
This would put a lot of stress on your marriage.
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rebel8
I don't think intimacy in a healthy, mature relationship ruins it. Marriage is simply a change in your legal status that solemnizes a committment you've already made and kept.
There is nothing innate about intimacy before marriage that makes it ruin a marriage. A wedding is simply a symbol of your relationship, it does not actually change your relationship.
A wedding is like graduating from high school. Your diploma is not the body of knowledge and skills you gained in 4 years. It is simply a symbol of it!
I've read many a story about jw relationships that have been ruined by pre-marital intimacy. That is because they are taught to let it ruin the relationship.
This training runs deep into the psyche and it may be impossible for your fiancee to remove it from his mind. If he is still talking about it then you have cause to be seriously concerned he will not get over it now or ever. It could be an issue between the two of you forever, that could carry on to your relationships with your children. This is serious stuff.
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bigmac
interesting thread--a good read--but--total phony baloney. now--prove me wrong.
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scary21
rebel 8....Same thing that I said....... But said much better ( eloquently )
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flipper
SEASICKBUMBLEBEE- You have yourself quite a dilemma that doesn't have to be as much of a dilemma as you think it is. Generally speaking in answer to your question " does intimacy, even sex before marriage ruin it all " ? No, it doesn't and no it should not ruin anything. In the real world sex draws you closer to a person you love. And in the real world people find out if they are sexually compatible with their partner or not.
Now in the Jehovah's Witness world- one person may feel guilty about intimacy, sex, and touchy feely things- but the other prospective mate may NOT feel guilty. THAT can cause a huge problem later on down the line if one person has a " dirty ", " unclean " , or weird view of sex - it can destroy a relationship because of the religious uneeded guilt whether one is a Witness, Mormon, Baptist, or whatever.
Here's the deal- I'll be straight with you and level with you- I was married 19 years when I was a JW to my high school JW sweetheart. We would make out in the car and touch each other in a private way but never went all the way having sex. We got married, had 3 children together - but not until we broke up almost 19 years later did my wife BLAME ME ONLY for making out with her before marriage and blamed me for heavy petting saying we should have gone to the elders because she carried that guilt with her all these years. She never took one inch of blame. So I ask you- do you want to live with that all your married life ? Where your husband may blame YOU for having a normal healthy sexual desire, while he looks at a normal sexual life carrying guilt around beating you over the head with enjoying sexual intimacy ? That is what I lived with for 19 years married to a strict JW woman. Finally I couldn't take it anymore.
A saying goes, " to be forewarned is to be forearmed ". Perhaps you should put off marrying anybody until you find somebody who looks at the JW's the way you do and doesn't carry around a bunch of uneeded guilt about sex, intimacy, and religion. I think this guy you like is going to drag you down in time with his guilt. Just my 2 cents. I'd run like hell from this guy to your freedom. This is coming from one who has been with a partner like your significant other. Take care, we are here for you. Peace out, mr. Flipper
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zeb
WT guilt has denied intimacy in our marriage since 2005.
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zed is dead
Guilt and shame for physical manifistations of mutual love have no place in a relationship.
zed
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Quarterback
First of all let me say that those feelings that you are having towards one another are normal, and you shouldn't be feeling guilty about any of it. The timing may not look good because this natural thing is supposed to happen after your marriage. If you are going to play by JW rules, make sure that you have less private moments togeather untill your marriage takes place.