I Just Had A Big Fat Bomb Drop On My Head and It Leaves Alot Of Questions

by TotallyADD 46 Replies latest jw friends

  • OnTheWayOut

    While I tend to think I would move toward connecting with a half-sibling, another part of me asks if there would be gain or loss to the other party.

    If you cannot give a good report on his father, the person he would want to know most about, then it might not be a great idea.

    Imagine a summary like this: "Your father was a huge hypocrite that belonged to the Jehovah's Witnesses."

    I hope you have more good things to say about him, without a bunch of spin. If not, in my case, I might let this go.

  • Glander

    You half sibling is about 45 yrs old. If you were to find him it would be a very intense conversation for the first few minutes. Then things would probably get either very strained and awkward or you might find out he is unemployed and needs help, etc.

    Unless you have room on your plate for more complications in your life at 60 yrs old. I would forget it.

  • skeeter1

    Your half brother could be a great man, or not. Keep an open mind that you may find him in any state, shape, or form. Don't idealize him. Personally, I would try to find my half-sibling.

  • ABibleStudent

    Hi TotallyADD, I agree with other posters who have advised that you take it slowly and when you are ready try to locate and talk with your half-brother. I would take it slow and try to locate your half-brother before you decide on what to say to him or answer questions that he might have about your father.

    My father was no angel, but I did love him for him loving me, his love of life (including a few too many affairs), intelligence, and what he accomplished in his life. I'm sure that your father made many mistakes. Is there anything that you remember about him that you admired? You could tell your half-brother that one thing.

    Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,


  • LisaRose

    Wow, that is crazy information to get at this time. If it was me, I would let sleeping dogs lie. The potential to cause harm and pain is just too great. The only potential benefit is to your half brother, who might appreciate knowing his half siblings. But it seems like if he wanted to know his father and potential siblings, his mother could have given him that information, or he could have researched it by now. Unless he was adopted by a step father, he has always known his dad was a shit.

    I have heard similar stories from other people, it's not as uncommon as you would think. I believe there are intermediary organization for adopters to let their birth parents know they wish to be contacted. Then if the birth parents also contact the organization, they are put in touch. Perhaps it works for these situations also.

  • Violia

    I would be so happy I'd be looking into it right now. A family member who is not a jws.

    a brother to share your life with since I am assuming your jws brother doesn't call you much( he waited 2 months to tell you and has the gall to tell you what to do ?

    If it were me I'd jump at it and let the chips fall where they may. A brother, wow. I would be so happy.

  • Old Goat
    Old Goat

    My sympathies. I have a half sister I've never met. When I found out she existed, she was underage and I did not contact her. I have no clue where she lives now. She would be in her 40s. I don't think she knows I exist. But every so often I think about her and wonder if my idiot father ever did right by her and her mother.

    My dad was a bad man. Not a Witness at all. Just a rotter.

  • Violia

    I would drop the judgmental crap. this is a brother. Jws are more hypocritical than most. Yes your dad was human and made a mistake. Hopefully he helped support your brother ( most didn't back then). don't be like the other jws and be mean and judgmental,

    life is messy and short

    I would be so happy I would be so grateful to have a sister or brother.

    It would be so cool.

  • Frazzled UBM
    Frazzled UBM

    Totally ADD (great tag BTW) _ I think there are two issues here - one is that your father was a bigger fraud than you realised - that is painful and something you need to work through and it seems you started with your full brother already. The second issue is whetehr you want to have a relationship with your half-brother, who I think someone already mentioned is .as iknnocent as you in the whole thing and probably similarly interested to know what his half-siblings are like. I think this is probably desirable but perhaps once you have worked through the issues related to your father. Anyway good luck with this.

  • TotallyADD

    nugget-good advice on doing a discreet search on him to make sure what kind of person he is. If he checks out then I can decide what to do.

    I am 59 years old.

    gma-tired2- When I first heard I was speechless too.

    OnTheWayOut- You are right not to say a bad thing about our father. I will bite my tongue.

    Glander-Advice well taken

    Skeater1-Open minded I will be. I promise.

    ABibleStudent-He was a very hard man to love. If I do contact him I will keep it positive.

    LisaRose-I came from a small town in cintral IL were things like this happen all the time. 2013 has been one crazy year.

    Violia-That was on thought I did have. A brother who is not a JW.

    Old Goat- Sorry for your hurt. I guess what I am going through is nothing new.

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