I Just Had A Big Fat Bomb Drop On My Head and It Leaves Alot Of Questions

by TotallyADD 46 Replies latest jw friends

  • TotallyADD

    lost-Sorry about your father. I feel so sad for all who had lousy parents.

    jamiebowers- LOL Take Care.

    Finally awake- What you said brought up a memory. Many years ago my father gave a talk on the service meeting. He ask the question what do you

    call a child born out of wedlock? Then he said a bastard. He must have said it over a doz. times. He upset so many the body of

    elders got together and talk to him. He was in his late 70't at the time so I think they chalk it up to age. I think now he was trying

    to tell us something.

    Clarity- Good message and thanks for the Hugs.

    gma-tired2-I am gald you are able to talk again. Thank you for the advice.

    Thanks to everyone who have given me advice. I have had a night to sleep on it and I think for now I will take it very slowly and see what happens. Totally ADD

  • snare&racket

    This brother may be all alone in the world, go check him out ;) life is too short!

    As for protecting the JW brand or family ego, lying and ignoring a sibling out there does the opposite! Take it all in and then go seek out the lost brother;) x

  • whathappened

    Your half brother has a right to know he has family. It should be his choice if he wants to get to know you better. Don't be influenced by your hard hearted elder brother.

  • Quendi

    That is quite the bombshell, TotallyADD. I agree that you should take some time to think about it before making any decisions. For what it is worth, I will share my some of my own experience and family history.

    My father was always faithful to my mother and I have no hidden siblings. Some of my father’s brothers and other kin, on the other hand, were male sluts. The result was that I have many relatives whom I have never met but who are my kin nonetheless. When such people were discovered, the policy of my father’s extended family was to welcome them with open arms. The old adage, “Blood is thicker than water” was something we firmly believed in. The results were almost always positive and I am very happy to know these relatives of mine. Let me add that one of my brothers fathered a son out of wedlock before he got married, but that young man is my nephew and I love him. The “legitimacy” of his birth has no bearing on our relationship and I’m happy to say my brother’s wife has also fully accepted the young man, and all the more so since he is a half-brother to her daughter.

    Do what you think is best and I will add this. Proverbs 15:22 says, “There is a frustrating of plans where there is no confidential talk, but in the multitude of counselors there is accomplishment.” Talk over this development with others whom you respect and trust. You’re already doing this by creating this thread. Follow up with others and I think you will find the answers you’re seeking.


  • Giordano

    Why not just try to find out about him first? Do a Google search if you have some information. Or hire a private detective who can access more data. If it looks like he's led a decent life you may feel more confident about meeting him. Sometimes people separated like this have led a similar life.

  • Oubliette

    I only have 1/2 siblings. Additionally, I have step-kids and other extended family outside of the "traditional family" model.

    I gotta' tell you, some of the best relationships I have are with those that aren't full-blood relatives; correspondingly, some of my closest flesh and blood shun me even though I am not DF'd.

    Family isn't necessarily about blood. It's about being with people that love you for WHO you are and not WHAT you (pretend to) believe.

    My suggestion is to contact your 1/2 brother, let him know who you are and how you found out about him, making clear that you have no agenda. Just leave the door open. Possibly, maybe even probably, he doesn't know about you either. It may take him some time to process it as well.

  • Diest

    I would see contacting your half-sibling as a way of righting a wrong. In order to keep family harmony your parents decided to leave the state and abandon the kid. I would think they have a lot of questions about why it happened to them and wondering who is out there. It would also be nice to find some non JW family that you could bond with. Someone you could talk to and not worry about all the JW garbage.

  • steve2

    Thank goodness it is not a literal bomb. You and your wife would be dead and your house would be a total mess. Not good.

    In a way, it is a helpful revelation:

    The organization you had once looked up to is deeply flawed and not what it claims to be. Now you also realize the father you had once looked up to was deeply flawed and not who he claimed to be.

    Perfect symmetry.

    If you choose to contact your half-sibling, brace yourself for bomb number 2: He could be an active witness. Yikes!

  • VIII

    Wow, what a bombshell!

    I would do a google search and try to track him and the mother down. I wouldn't initiate contact until you have some idea of what their family life is like and what their life circumstances are. There could be great resentment on both of their parts for your father not supporting them.

    Or, the mom may have remarried/hooked up with someone else and said that the son was that guys child. This would rock their world to find out that you and your family are the half-siblings. You need to really think this through.

    Do you know the Mom's full name? Perhaps look for death notices to start. Work backward. Ask your brother as much info as you can to try to determine what he really knows. And your Mother. What did/does she know? Why now after all these years is this being brought up? Did someone contact her?

    Try not to make an emotional decision or go to quickly. I can only imagine the emotions you are experiencing.

  • TotallyADD

    snare&racket-Good point "Life is too short" If only more people understood that.

    whathappened- My elder brother has tried to control me all my life. He is 11 years older than me and we are million miles apart in our thinking.

    He loves using the bible with Wt. Cult reasoning as a weapon.

    Quendi- What a fine example you have set for everybody to follow. Thank you for the insight.

    Glordano- The problem we have is all we have is a last name to go by and a time period that may or may not be right. But we are working

    on it with what little imformation we have.

    Oubliette- You are right family isn't neccessarily about blood. Most of my blood family are all messed up by the cult. Maybe knowing him

    would be diffrent.

    Diest- I do think about that. "Righting a wrong." My dad sure didn't. Good point. Thanks

    steve 2- I don't know if I can take anymore bombs this year. It's been a hard one to say the least. I am getting to the point of being

    shell shock. LOL

    VIII- No first names just a last name. The mother is close to 90 years old now if she is still alive. Thats the first thing my wife did today

    was look at death notices. Emotions are high but all I need is a good nights rest. Maybe I will get that tonight.

    Again thank you for all your insightful thoughts. They are really helping. Totally ADD

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