Happiness/unhappiness

by lostinthought 25 Replies latest jw friends

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  OnTheWayOut

  You will find that most people who left say they are much happier. You will find that most JW's insist they are not happier.

  Even if someone is less happy after leaving, their reasons typically include the effects of shunning or dealing with JW family. So blaming their unhappiness on leaving instead of on WTS is unfair.

  Also, many JW's are depressed. If a depressed person leaves and finally gets treatment for depression, JW's will inevitably say that person was happy (instead of hiding/denying depression) as a JW.

  I am vastly happier but fall into the "depressed and finally getting treatment" category.
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  LisaRose

  Yes, it's really hard living with out the constant guilt, and I miss going to the Kingdom Hall and being bored to tears for hours every week. Seriously, this is just one of the manipulations of the Borg. They repeat this so much that it becomes part of your thinking. When people do return, it confirms what they have been trained to think, but the fact is those people returned because they were shunned, not because they missed the religion. And many people don't return, but in that case the dubs don't know about it, and don't realize they are actually doing quite well, once they get over the pain of losing loved ones. It's bias confirmation at its best.

  I have been out 13 years. I have some health issues, but other than that, life is good. I have a small creative business that I love, I am happily married, I have good friends, I do some volunteer work. My kids are grown and gone, both doing well, happily married and they have gifted me with two adorable grandkids. I have a lovely home and no money worries.

  I just saw my sister last night, she has been shunning me, but my husband and I were vacationing in the town where she lives and she agreed to met us for dinner (I think her non dub husband pressured her) The few times I have talked to her the last few years, I realized she remembers all the negative things she hears from me, exaggerates them, and forgets the good things. So she was a bit puzzled that I was happy and felt and looked pretty good, I sensed that was not what she expected. I could see the conflicting emotions at play, she is happy that I am doing well, but at the same time, it challenges her beliefs to think I am happy.

  For example, I told her previously that my mother always compared me to her, unfavorably, and that when I was a kid, it hurt me. So last night she says, appropriate of nothing , "you still hate mom". She took that one thing I said and built it up in her mind as proof that I am this unhappy, bitter person. It's crazy, my mom was hard to live with, she was very moody and hyper critical, but I got over it a long time ago. Any person has both good and bad things happen growing up, and my Mom was good in many ways. But that is cult mind control at work, they accept what confirms, reject what doesn't. It's a cult.
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  Heartofaboy

  I was very unhappy as a Jehovah's Witness. My parents became JWs when I was 5 & I faded approx 4 years ago.

  After 50 years a JW it is wonderful to feel the freedom of not having to accept the opinions of the Watchtower leaders on every aspect of my life.

  I'm still looking for 'truth' but am happy to be free of 'mother'.......in fact I'm happier now than I ever was as a JW.
• 

  BluePill2

  lostinthought: That is EXACTLY what my mother said to me ("I can't say the names, I know a lot of people you don't know, but I am pretty sure they are unhappy.")

  First: It's their lame a$$ excuse why they stay in ("cognitive dissonance").

  Second: Hey mom, THAT's exactly the point. The WT forces their happiness down the throat. I don't have to pretend that I am happy. If I have a crappy day, then so be it. I can choose to be unhappy. It's part of being, no big deal. Why that obsession with happiness? (artificial at least). Overall I must say: guilt free, free of fear for the future. Yep. It's been a good Life since then.
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  jwfacts

  I've been out about 8 years now, with no signs of going back. Breaking free from such a totalitarian group was like a huge weight was lifted from me. Whilst the affects of shunning were at first difficult to cope with, I never once looked back, and have never lost appreciation of freedom from oppression.

  It is no exaggeration to say my life is almost perfect. Being lucky enough to live in Australia certainly helps. I have a lovely family, a great fulfilling job, am financially secure and catch a ferry to work with views of the Sydney harbour bridge and opera house. I have a great social life with plenty of friends, most younger and fun. Through my work against the Watchtower, I have spoken with and met many wonderful people all over the world, some that have amazing skills and been truly inspirational.
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  MsGrowingGirl20

  Hey, I posted this five months before but when I read your post, this came to mind: That sweet, tingling feeling you get, no matter how hard life is at the time, when you remember that you're free. That feeling reminds you that it's okay to not be sure about everything and it's okay to love persons even if they don't read the same literature or hold the same views as you. It's okay to make mistakes because the people who love you will not pull back their love and association because of it. The persons who are around you genuinely love you and are not just trying to portray 'love' because it looks good to 'potential' sheep. It's even okay to try new things and it isn't a bad thing when you're actually enjoying life. I don't have to try to be someone that i'm not and my worth is not, not... My worth is not measured by a number on a piece of paper. I can go through life at my own pace and i can be different. That feeling reminds me that i can be MYSELF!
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  BluePill2

  jwfacts: Loved your description of your daily commute. I almost wanted to jumg in a plane and go visit Australia (one of my dreams on the bucket list). I actually have thought about living/working in Australia. I only hear good things (I'm sure there are crappy things going on, but nonetheless).

  MsGrowingGirl20: Wow! That is almost like a mission statement about freedom. I should print your comment out and hang it in my office wall. Very well written! Proud of you. That is the same tingling feeling I have ("yes, I did it, I broke free from oppression, I had the guts to go through with this, eventhough everybody said I would come back after a year.")
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  Mum

  I take responsibility for my own happiness. I know that no one else can "make" me happy. Being able to make my own decisions, look at situations and determine what's wrong, if anything, working toward goals that I set for myself - all of these things make me happy.

  As someone else said, I didn't know how unhappy I was as a dub. I was like the fly that lived in the vinegar jar, thinking it was the sweetest place in the world. Now I've tasted the honey, so to speak, and life is much sweeter.

  Is everything perfect? No. Have I done everything I want to do in life? No. We have to accept the fact that there are some things we have no control over.

  I am lucky that I have a non-JW family, so I actually got my family back instead of losing them!
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  Glander

  When it becomes known that a DF'd or DA'd person has problems, including suicides, the attitude in the JW community is one of smug,
  "see what happens ? I told you so"

  If someone does well they ignore it or attribute it to their becoming worldly.

  I've seen both scenarios in real life.

  A bunch of losers.
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  Hortensia

  I'm a lot happier than as a JW. I learned how to be happy after I got out of the org. There are those days, of course, but mostly I'd say I'm quite content and happy.