Good thread. I certainly struggled with depression myself--still do, really--and part of it is certainly the result of never standing up for myself and sort of participating in the self-immolation the WT encouraged. Finding out it was all a lie made it all simultaneously worse and better. I see now that the organization was a useless crutch--couldn't move with it and I'm not exactly going anywhere without it, either. I was already pessimistic and paranoid of things and people, yet I seemed to trust all the people I shouldn't have, even after waking up.
There were times in the past when I wanted to forget TTATT, but they were very brief. The more I've learned, the more I appreciate how much deeper my intellect has become and how much my moral code has evolved. In itself, that's hugely exciting and has been a source of comfort. It's sad because I have to shut down my emotions in order to survive it all. I have to care less about the people I care the most about, because I know that they have to avoid me or keep me at arm's length. Even my children...will grow up to shun me. Knowing that I have no one in my life, at home, I mean, to share my deepest thoughts with--yeah, that's pretty sad. I'm sure Mrs. sd-7 might well feel the same way, for all I know.
I do know that it's better to see that leaving the WT did not in itself make my life any worse. Mostly it was marrying the wrong person that did that, and dating an equally wrong person just before that that kind of messed up the exit strategy (there was a strategy? Not really, I wanted to self-destruct at that point because it was overload for me emotionally). Mainly it's the stress of marriage that has made the depression a bit of a challenge, and knowing that the JW stuff is still in my home and my life. But I have myself to blame for that and I own the responsibility for it. It seems that while I thought I no longer had to fight against myself, I still proved my own worst enemy in the end.
Being a JW meant endless war. Leaving just meant that the enemy became more complicated and less clear, but war didn't really end. I was left with only myself to trust and I see that I can't even do that without endangering my own hope for a peaceful life beyond the WT.
I still think humanity is probably doomed, just not in the same way I did before. It's depressing to know that there's no hope to return to, only the hope I can create for myself, in my own mind. The only thing left is to see the end of it all, to see where it's all leading, to see the kids grow up, run the clock out, and die as irrelevant as I was when I was born.
The only good thing that came out of TTATT was that I now know a little more than I did before. Meaningless in the end, but a slight improvement.