Delayed depression..

Oculos Aperire

Morning all..

It's been 5 months now that I have not been in a hall. I vanished without a trace and avoid all contact with everyone from that previous life. I have changed my number (several times now) and ignore all emails from said people. My life is now very quiet. Too quiet almost.
In fact I now am totally isolated.

Something rather unpleasant and unexpected has kicked in. Quite severe depression. I no longer trust anyone, my faith it humanity and the world is completely shot. I have faith in nothing almost. Least of all myself. I have not developed any new friends or associates as I still have the erroneous but deeply ingrained idea that everyone and anyone is a bad associate. I avoid even leaving my home as much as humanly possible. Even going out to get food is difficult because they (the witnesses) are all around me in every direction and I now really have no desire or inclination to see them or be seen by them. I know and have found out now that the gossipping and speculation about me is in full effect which the emails I am now getting clearly show

I have thought about it but It's not convenient to move away to a different area although it is something I would really like to do. I find even communicating with people face to face and being in their company for more then a few minutes stressful and difficult and it's something that I consciously avoid on a daily basis as much as possible. I tried going to counselling but after only 2 sessions I found that the person I was seeing did not have a clue what it means to have had your mind, emotions and spirit totally and damagingly dominated by a religion as extreme as this most of ones entire life and the effect and fallout of stepping away from it because of seeing what it's really all about. They seemed to think all depression and the such are related to ones relationship with ones mother and not having been breast fed enough. That is not the case here.

My question is.. how does one handle and deal with this kind of debilitating and crippling depression that follows ones departure from the Org? How do you alter what has been your lifelong and extremely negative worldview?. Where can one get help?... who in the world can even really understand this? How can one help oneself. How do you survive this and go on to live some kind of normal existence? Should one seek professional help? Where can one find this help? All thoughts, views and advice appreciated. Thank you for listening..

Dismissing servant

It sounds like a reactive depression, yes. Maybe you should try with antidepressants? Se a doctor and talk about it.

It is fine that wou write here...it is good to have contact with people with similar background/experiences. But a little later on you may wish to get new friends where you live, perheaps at your workplace or school.

Bells

Finding the right therapist / counsellor etc. can be so hard, and requires energy that one simply doesn't have when they are in need of a therapist! However you must try to persevere - antidepressants can help as well, but you need to try to find a psychologist that has experience in dealing with cults / controlling religious organisations etc. I'm not sure what country or state or whatever you are in...? Hopefully someone here may be able to recommend a few.

Do keep trying - it will be so worth it in the end :

Im sorry you are suffering so much. Please at least share here as much as you need.

I feel for you

B

breakfast of champions

I do have an idea of what you're feeling, and I would suggest finding another psychologist, perhaps one that specializes in PTSD (that's really what we all ended up with from being in the org). Don't be discouraged that you didn't "click" with your former counsellor, it's not a one-size-fits-all sort of thing.

I've also slowly begun to start "migrating" back over to friendships from high school, to good people who I always enjoyed and still do.

Just remember it is a stage that will pass, it's not permanent.

BizzyBee

What you are experiencing is normal - and your feelings do not need to be stifled by anti-depressants. I agree with boc ^ find someone you can talk to - they are out there. Give yourself plenty of time.

LisaRose

Do not give up on getting the help you need. You deserve to overcome this and live a happy and healthy life. You sound like you do need professional help to get you out of this depression. Keep trying until you find someone who will help you. There are things you can do yourself, but since your depression is so profound it will be very hard to do them, but force yourself to try them while you look for a better therapist. Keep telling yourself that you are a good person and you deserve to be happy, and that you will do whatever it takes to get well. Don't let a cult ruin your life, fight back. Most of us have suffered from depression since leaving, we got better and you will to.

Not a substitute for therapy, but things I find helpful: exercise, sunshine, b vitamins, meditation, journaling, art. Learn to stop bad thoughts so you don't get yourself into a destructive spiral. If you think "I will never be happy again" think "I am going through a tough time, but I will get better" Repeat it to yourself over and over. Instead of thinking "I wasted my life in a cult" think "I made a mistake, but I learned from it and I am happy I have my life back now, I am glad I won't waste any more time in a destructive religion". Attitude is everything, pick a good one.

gutted

Morning Oculos. I feel for you, I have been a sufferer of depression for many years (including while being a JW) but there was a period of time it was quite bad after I left. Initially it was devastating. Then things were great, I felt a great sense of freedom. Then depression kicked in and it's been up and down. Not all of it was from my JW upbringing, sure a lot of it was but depression is a complicated issue. Everyone is different and experiences leaving differently.

Main thing is to give yourself lots of time. Being a JW was go go go because the end is at any moment... well it isn't. Instead of investing in the religion you have to start investing in yourself. Also I think periods of pain are unavoidable and sometimes necessary. Another therapist might help, though I'm not the best to ask as I never ended up going to one.

What I did was read. I read combatting cult mind control (this will help as it talks about emotional pain), and then I did a lot of self-help and study on specific issues I had like depression and anxiety. I have build healthy habits that making my day to day life better. Meditation, exercise, eating well and hobbies. The thing is those issues like depression don't go away but they become easier to deal with and still live a decent life despite them.

sarahsmile

Yeap, being raised in a secluded group with the every week contact is not reality. I noticed in churches it is not the same friendliness that the JWs offered perhaps because out side people do not have an agenda.

Just remember it is not your fault and what ever your feeling sad, lonely, insecure does not feel good like happy, lots of friends, and security but it could be that your trying to figure things out and your brain needs something. Try to go for walks, write in a note book, and give yourself positive feed backs. Go out and smile daily even when you do not eel like it.

If your young maybe can find another church or activity to replace the JW. I am still working on that one.

You are going to make it through the cult mind set.

Nice to see you here.

Watchtower-Free

I was raised JW .

I know your pain also .

Hang in there .

sosoconfused

Like most I was raised in as well.

Its just me and my wife and kids.

Start making friends. Those "worldly" people are out looking for friends too.

Delayed depression..

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