Newly wed UBM and soon to meet JW in-laws

by UBM101 44 Replies latest jw experiences

  • UBM101

    Hi there

    I have been lurking here for a couple of years. My hubby (inactive & some doubts) and I were just married and I'll be going to his place to meet his family (pretty much dubs). They seem to be friendly and excited to meet me, and I kind of had agreed to attend the kingdumb hall meeting once (in my life time, yep, that's the agreement) and also meeting an elder who brain-washed my hubby during his teen. So I am kind of expecting all those to happen. Here are the things that I foresee to happen:

    1. I'll be love bombed by his family, and perharps some of his remaining dubby "friends" and if we go to the congregation, from the congregation of course

    2. Indoctrination - endless talk about the Bible, Satan, paganism etc

    My hubby and I are planing to move away from the place where his family are, and now it seems like the parents are trying hard to change his mind. Hubby is kind of in-between, doubting in his beliefs, having plenty of worldly friends but very much still mentally in.

    I am still contemplating what to do, or what strategy am I going to use when I meet them all and when they put me in the above mentioned situation. Should I:

    1. frankly tell them off firmly that I will never ever belief in their craps, that I have done enough research about the JW and I can never agree to their doctrine and policies?

    2. frankly tell them off firmly that I have my own belief (I am a Christian), and avoid such discussion at all course?

    3. play along and pretend to be dumb and ask many questions, instilling doubts (hopefully)?

    I don't want to get my hubby into trouble (family relationship is still very much intact), and as much as I can I would like to show them respect and love them, as I believe they are just victims of deception and are people who are seeking God.

    This forum had been very helpful to me in these couple of year, and I believe feedback and advice from you all will be of great help to me and hopefully my hubby in the future too.


    Super Wife

  • UBM101
  • jgnat

    My guess they will go soft with the heavy indoctrination. They want to look very normal to you. They reserve the heavy duty pressure for him, when you are not around. JW's are sneaky! Don't give any strange pioneers your phone number.

    My preference for approach is combination of two and three. What has worked really well if a Witness directly inquires (why I am not interested) is to give a direct and knowing stare and ask, "Do you really want to know?" Every Witness I have ever met has backed off. First of all, they are pretty deep in denial themselves and they don't want to hear. On the odd chance that they DO want to know, they have given you permission. People who give permission are far more open. Witnesses give presentations. They don't listen too well. Don't be like that. Listen first, reflect back what they are saying, and ask interested, genuine questions that require thought.

    You can prime hubby by trying out your thoughts and ideas on him first. Often my hubby has been my best defender and deflector because frankly he both dreads and relishes a head-to-head confrontation!

    The key to success is you and your hubby a team together, no secrets, supporting each other. Be a united front.

  • LoisLane looking for Superman
    LoisLane looking for Superman

    UBM...Super Wife. Hello. It is very nice to meet you.

    First, let me congratulate you on your marriage. I wish you two every happiness.

    When you meet up with your new in-laws, you are going to be in an incredibly fabulous position to question their beliefs.

    I am so happy Ghnat responded. She has never been a JW, like you, but you both are married to men who at one time "believed" everything they were told.

    Another poster who I hope will respond, is NeverKnew. She is dating a JW.

    Welcome to JWN.

    Jut Lois

  • UBM101

    Thanks Jnat. I have not yet asked my hubby if the parents are pressuring him, but my guess is all the time. He did not tell me and it seems to me that he too is trying hard to portray that his family and the JWs are very normal ppl. We had argument a few times over religion, and I made a mistake by using all his examples of what he told me about the family. My bad!

    Perhaps I should in a gentle way ask him how he feels about everything, and whether he felt pressured from both side?

  • OnTheWayOut

    I have not been in such a situation. I pretty much agree with Ignatius on this if you are pushed to commit to agree or disagree with anything. I would not tell off anyone important to your husband. I would feel free, though, to ask questions about anything that strikes you.

  • OnTheWayOut

    I typed "jgnat" but the damned auto correct said "Ignatius."

  • clarity

    UBM101 ...hi nice to see you on here!

    You are a brave person ...taking on a jw!

    Sounds like your marriage is stable & you are both

    reasonable people so just be your natural selves.

    Try to look at each one that you meet with interest &

    care about them.

    look forward to hearing how it goes...good luck


  • Comatose

    Welcome to the board! :)

    I agree with jgnat totally. I wouldn't play along with them and give them false hopes. I'd ask if they really wanted to know. Great idea.

  • jgnat

    Yes, work on becoming a team before taking on the rest of the world (and the in-laws!)

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