A Cry for Help

by Thoughtless 52 Replies latest jw experiences

  • soft+gentle

    good for you thoughtless that you are a freethinker.

    ockham's razor? - I'll have to look that up as well as archetypes - lol. the tower of babel as etiology of language I understand

  • Oubliette

    Thoughtless: but due to my independent thinking and freethinking, I guess I am not blameless

    That you would even word that statement that way shows you are still captive to the thought patterns of WT-think.

  • Thoughtless


    I also do have a good female friend who is worldly, and I feel that she may have some feelings for me, but I friendzoned myself to escape possible ridicule and rumors in the Kingdom Hall and family (and to maintain my responsiblities in the KH). She his totally hot as well, omg, UNF. ABible Student, I am VERY familiar with that movie and I did enjoy it. It was very surreal (although I found the elders to be a bit cold. The Elders at my hall are pretty cool honestly). But yeah, everything I have done, I have pretty much done by myself. I don't like to brag or anything, but it's true. Sneak late at nights and do homework in an uninsulated bathroom, take Honors/AP classes, extracurricular activities, etc,etc. The one thing I do not do is IMPOSE MY WILL ON OTHERS (irony level 9000). I let them learn for themselves. So, I know my brother got baptized for all the wrong reasons because he is romantically involved with a worldly girl, but I don't rat him out and let him be a child and such. I decided that I am not going to busy myself in other people's affairs no longer. I was never self righteous and I plan to stay that way (although my intelligence and introversion gives the impression otherwise). I only have ten posts a day here (which sucks, so sorry for the verbosity, sincerely).

  • BackseatDevil

    You know how when you're flying somewhere you have to watch the flight attendants do their little routine? In that routine they say something that I use in life all the time, and I will share with you now:

    In case of emergency, oxygen masks will drop down in front of you. Please pull the mask down toward your face and place the mask over your mouth and nose. If you are traveling with a child, please attend to yourself first, then the child. Breathe normally, adjust the headband to suit yourself.

    Sometimes it is not our initial desire or our inherent response to deal with what we need first, but if we want to be of good use to others (especially other famlily members), it's important that we do.

  • Thoughtless

    This is true. If my brother EVER gets DF'd or DA'd, I will let him know that I will always support him, and such, although he may have not reciprocated that with me. My biggest flaw and my greatest trait is loyalty.

  • BackseatDevil

    I don't know that you're loyalty is a "fault" per se. It can be... some people are loyal to abusive relationships no matter what.

    BUT if you have a strong sense of loyalty... if you understand the meaning of the word and respect the actions which that world implies, then you look at loyalty as somthing different, something that is earned.

    .A strong sense of loyalty is emotionally based. Because of such you can't just be loyal to everyone out of default. You will run yourself ragged. It's like trust, your heart, or your penis... you can't just be throwing it around all the time. People have to earn the right to get that from you.

    Otherwise you will be constantly emotiionally drained with no way to build yourself up... and then you're no good to anyone (per my previous post). :-)


  • EntirelyPossible

    You're in a tough spot. All I can tell is that every day you stay, you sacrifice your future for others. I wish I had left long ago, I didn't get out until I was in my mid 30's. I am happier than I ever have been. It's hard, but it's YOU life, not theirs.

  • rebel8

    I don't think it's good to stay in the org long-term as a way to help people out. I think the best way to help them is first by example.

    I think fading is a good idea for you, always being positive and letting your family know you're happy doing non-org things that are also wholesome as you move on out.

    Eventually they are probably going to ask if you're coming back and do you believe in the gb still. Just tell them you're depressed when you're there and aren't ready to talk about it. Some day they will realize you are not coming back and will either accept it or not. And that's their choice, not yours. All you can do is try to help them understand and keep loving you.

    Even in non-org life, people will come in and out of your life. It hurts sometimes but it is quite normal. You will survive, believe me!

  • Thoughtless

    Oh, you guys are so awesome. Thanks for the advice and the much needed support. Fading to MA would be awesome.

  • free2Bme13

    Congratulations on going to college even though it's not encouraged. You'll never regret it. I was raised in a family that didn't discourage education, but didn't go out of their way to encourage a career path either. I ended up going to trade school, which actually ended up taking me longer than getting my bachelors would have. Go figure.

    As far as what to do with the organization - I agree with a couple other posters who advised to keep your cards close. JW's are endoctrinated to feel guilty if they know of something "wrong" going on and thus confessing to the elders. The less people know, the better! They can't DF you for stuff they don't know about. And acting in anger never works out well.

    You have your entire life in front of you. Good for you for realizing TTATT so young. But it also poses its own issues, the biggest probably being you can't support yourself yet. My advice (and I'm sure people will disagree) is to not rock the boat at home. If you've got family that will let you live at home and go to college, take advantage of that. What you do now will impact the rest of your life. I know it's not easy to do something you don't believe. I did it for years because I didn't want to cause problems in my family. But in life we don't always get to do what we want when we want. And if you've got an exit strategy, having that hope held out makes what you have to endure a little easier, knowing that it's short-term. Life has a funny way of making twists and turns, and if you play your cards right you may not have to sever family connections - the organization may bury itself in their ever-changing BS.

    Whatever you decide to do, I wish you the best!


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