need help

by Crazyguy 32 Replies latest jw friends

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  Crazyguy

  first post, been lurking for a bit. I have been seeing problems in the Org for a couple of years now and could not come up with any answers. Recently i researched the topics of mediator and new covenant and thats when the sh8t hit the fan. Wife found out and called the elders, after them not being able to answer or show me how i was wrong i sent a letter in to headquarters. Next big mistake while resurching the blood doctrine i thought that maybe we were wrong on that, and brought the scriptures to my wife, hoping that she would aleast maybe understand why now i question the valididty of the doctrine and did not want kids at risk until i new more. More elders, after meeting with them and them coming back in a week after doing research, thier going to be looking for a desicion by me as wether im in or out of the org. Mean time wifes thinking of moving out and taking the kids using some spiritual endangerment clause thing.

  I'm not prepered for this, not even sure if i want to leave yet, i'm hoping for a way to if i leave to enlighten and yet still instill in my children godly morals and practices. Every thing is happening to fast and if wife goes it maybe very hard to even talk with the children. Please advise how to un wind this mess utill i'm better prepared??? Sorry for the bad spelling.
• 

  gcs7000

  Write letters only to the Governing Body. Meeting with local elders is pointless and only serves to empower them. Tell them that you have directed your concerns to the GB, and are waiting for their response before taking any further steps. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO ANSWER QUESTIONS. Free advice is worth what you pay for it.
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  jgnat

  Wish you coulda come to us sooner. I recommend Steve Hassan's approach in getting through to someone immersed in the religion. Stop discussing doctrinal issues with your wife. All it does is scare her. You will be very lucky to earn her trust back at this point.

  That doesn't mean you can't wake her up some time in the future, but you have to be smart and you have to have a plan.

  You might be able to head the elders off at the pass by saying, earnestly, that you are confident that the WTS has the truth. Apologize for searching so deeply (sarcasm).

  Continue your research quietly, privately. Get one of Steve Hassan's books and watch his video on youtube.
• 

  jgnat

  gcs, doesn't Bethel send a copy of the reply to the local elders? I think even that will merit even more attention by the elders.
• 

  Black Sheep

  Lie

  Right now, it is all about damage control.

  You forgot all the warnings from the platform and the ragazines about Apostate Spotting Lessons and now it is time to remember all those warnings and not cross any lines.

  Profess to still being a faithful believer, it's just that you have been looking for answers to these questions.

  Cease asking. Do not demand answers. If they don't have sensible answers, that is their problem, you are just going to be a trooooo believer regardless. You don't want to discuss it any more.

  Do not admit that you don't believe that the WT is not Jebooboo's Channel, etc.

  Sorry I don't have any suggestions that you might like.... and welcome to our nightmare
• 

  Satanus

  Stop talking to the elders. Tell them that your having a breakdown, or something. Try to win your wife back. Stop bringing this shit to her. Bring it here. You need to get her onto your side. Knowledge/information isn't going to do that. You need to start being extra nice to her, you know, like when you were dating. That is, since you wanna be able to see your kids.

  S
• 

  ruderedhead

  GET A LAWYER TOMORROW! I am dead serious. You must be proactive before you get screwed. Do some research on the good family/divorce attorneys in your area discreetly.A good attorney can advise you of your rights, and the best way to proceed. If you do any internet research, clear the history immediately. Perhaps ask a couple co-workers if they know of any good attorneys.

  Your wife is brainwashed, and I am guessing has some control issues. I say that because she is threatening to leave and take the kids because you are questioning the religion. While she most likely believes she is doing the right thing, you are your childrens best hope to be protected from this false religion.

  Others have said to back off, take things slowly, and that is very good advise. But you still need to protect yourself.

  Put off meeting with the elders as long as you can. Somewhere on here awhile ago I recall someone posted a thread with a letter to the elders about the legal action they would take if they were df'd. It worked, and they were left alone. Perhaps some of the ones who have been on here a while can assist you with that, and you can use that tactic if you ever need.
• 

  jwfacts

  I recommend you back pedal now and say they are just innocent questions. Try not to get disfellowshipped over this. It is not worth losing your wife and association with the children over. She needs time to adjust, and you will not achieve anything with her at this time, and if she moves out that may be the end of any chance you have with her.

  Write letters only to the Governing Body.

  I recommend against writing any letters to the GB or bethel. All that usually happens is that they are returned to your elders to deal with. It is unfair, but a JW cannot voice doubts or question doctrine. The answers are all in the Watchtower, and if you disagree, the only option is to be removed from the congregation.
• 

  konceptual99

  If you really want to stop the rapid escalation of this then you need to do a massive back pedal.

  1 - Stop writing letters. You will never get a proper answer and it will only be routed through to your local body for the Spanish Inquisition.

  2 - Eat humble pie with the elders. Explain that you've mediatated on things, prayed about it, done some more research on waiting on Jehovah etc. and realise that you now have got some perspective on things. Say whatever it takes to convince them that this was just a blip, your concerns are no longer an issue etc. etc.

  3 - Work really hard to restore things with your wife. Concentrate on reassurance about your love for her etc. This one is the most important since the WTS couldn't care less if you leave the org but the collateral damage in your family will have a direct impact on you. If you and your wife basically love each other and want to work it out then you have to reassure her of this, avoid contentious issues and back down from taking the WTS, the elders and your wife on all at the same time.

  When a person sees a loved one rejecting such a core part of your life it frightens the heck out of them. The WTS breeds a paranoia about apostacy, the fear of the impact of being disfellowshipped is a powerful mind control tool and your wife is clearly no where near ready to take on board reasonable discussion about the pros and cons of WTS doctrine.

  jgnats advice is 100% correct. Back right off, say what you need to say to get the elders off your back and work as hard as you can to get your wife's trust back. I am fading at the moment and already it's getting on for 1 year. I have said and done a few things that have scared my wife and that's even when she is not one to go running to the elders. I have had to slow down, do some reasearch (e.g. Steve Hassan's publications) and bide my time. She is now at the point where she is just about accepting that I am not comfortable with going on field ministry other than some token calls and that I genuinely don't care if we miss meetings.

  I really feel for you - but do not be afraid to give it plenty of time unless you are willing to take the risk of DF/DA. If you really want to keep your wife and family then your top priority right now is to regain your wife's trust.

  Keep using the board - everyone here wants to help.
• 

  Retrovirus

  Welcome, Crazyguy

  What everyone else said. Also, from and old post by Bluesbrother, this might help:

  *

  w8811/1pp.22-23WhenMaritalPeaceIsThreatened***Absoluteendangermentofspirituality also provides a basis for separation. The believer in a religiously divided home should do everything possible to take advantage of God?s spiritual provisions. But separation is allowable if an unbelieving mate?s opposition (perhaps including physical restraint) makes it genuinely impossible to pursue true worship and actually imperils the believer?s spirituality. Yet, what if a very unhealthy spiritual state exists where both mates are believers? The elders should render assistance, but especially should the baptized husband work diligently to remedy the situation. Of course, if a baptized marriage partner acts like an apostate and tries to prevent his mate from serving Jehovah, the elders should handle matters according to the Scriptures. If disfellowshipping takes place in a case involving absolute endangerment of spirituality, willful nonsupport, or extreme physical abuse, the faithful Christian who seeks a legal separation would not be going against Paul?s counsel about taking a believer to court.?1 Corinthians 6:1-8.

  If circumstances are extreme, then, separation may be warranted. But flimsy pretexts obviously should not be used to obtain a separation. Any Christians who do separate must bear personal responsibility for that action and should realize that all of us will render an account to Jehovah.?Hebrews 4:13.

  So, stand your ground. Especially if you backpedal, the circumstances are not extreme. You are still the spiritual head of the household. Then, rebuild bridges with your wife, read a lot here and the Steven Hassan books and try again . . .later . .. softly. . .carefully.

  Best wishes, Retro