JULIA- It's nOT just your imagination and it's NOT just a coincidence that the elders are stopping by. They are fishing for information under the guise of suddenly after all these years appearing " very concerned " for your " mental health " or " physical health ". Be careful, don't divulge too much or let them manipulate you into saying something you'd rather keep private and to yourself. Be smart. Peace out, mr. Flipper
Elders! Elders everywhere!
by Julia Orwell 34 Replies latest jw friends
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snare&racket
They are not friends, they are not family, they are just men with agendas......
You can tell them to F off
You can laugh at them
You can mock them
You can refuse them in your home
You can ignore them
I know this sounds odd after years of servitude to these men, but they are nobody... this isnt real life. Normal people dont ask or tell their medical info with people that arent very close family..... very close !
My sister rang me bemused that an elder had acted poorly and offered no help in a difficult personal situation for her friend. She was letting off steam to me.... I asked her what the elder did for a living.... the elder was a painter. I asked her why she was so bemused that a local painter cant help her friends personal issue..... *DING*......... thats the reality....
You are a naughty Jw to them, nothing more. They are throwing ropes at your husband right now, to them its just a game and they dont care what family damage they do, they just want to enforce the law from brooklyn. You are a woman and you are defying them by daring to ask. Be careful, dont tell them anything else.
They are just men, their only juristriction is spiritual and lets be honest.. they dont dwell there, how many elders are made elders because of their bible knowledge or spiritual qualities???? They are made elders through obediance, nothing more.
The only religious roles they play involves ' privelages', policing or punishment and even then you are not dealing with them personally, you are dealing with rules from Brookly, they are just the enforcers.
They are just painters xxxxx dont forget to laugh at them, mock them, its quite legal lol xxx
Snare
Ps if you get an ounce of an idea that the elder has told others your medical info, you must pursue it legally. It is confidential information. I guarantee they are digging for excuses , knowing that you will leave soon and possibly
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Apognophos
Yes, that's a really good point. It can be empowering to "shut down" an elder who is snooping, even if it's very politely by saying, "I'm not really comfortable talking about that."
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Julia Orwell
I'm going to take on board the advice from this thread to the effect that 'It's personal and I don't really want to talk about it', "You need to talk to my husband first," "and thankyou, I have your phone number so I will call you when I want to talk about it." It's a change from over a decade of running to an elder every time I had a bad thought! But, having been a JW for over a decade, I know how to be evasive...
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steve2
Julia! Julia! Julia! Assert yourself!!
You were caught by surprise once. Perhaps twice it could happen, but girl to be caught by surprise three times forms a p attern from which you will not recover. You will be doomed. So take heed in some basic 101 Assertiveness Training.
Lesson 1:
Thank the elder for the unannounced call but state clearly you and your husband strongly prefer him to phone you before visiting to see if it is an okay time. Tell him you are confident he will phone before he visits because he appreciates responding in an approriate manner. Then, if he arrives unannounced tell him you are so disappointed he did not phone because now you cannot see him.
In a very little space of time you will have effectively shaped him up to your expectations.
Remember, he caught you by surprise once. Two more times of catching you by surprise and I'm afraid you're beyond help.