Elders! Elders everywhere!

by Julia Orwell 34 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Julia Orwell

  An elder came around this morning at 9am to ask if my husband wanted to come with him on a Bible study. My husband nipped from the bathroom to the bedroom in his undies to get dressed, while I talked to the elder! The elder talked about how he just happened to think my husband might be free this morning, and just happened to get a call from someone wanting a Bible study, and then he said to me, "Why don't you come visit my house some time? You've never visited before."

  Seriously, who just rocks up at your house like that and asks you to come on a Bible study and visit his house? In all my years as a Witness I've never had an elder rock up unannounced like that. Thank goodness my husband was getting ready for an appointment and couldn't talk.

  And there's more: just during the week at the meeting, the COBOE stopped by where I was leaning on the literature counter and asked me all about my antidepressants and dosages.

  And a friend from another cong called during the week, insisting I come and talk to 'his' elder.

  And the weekend before the one just gone two elders stopped by after witnessing 'for a cup of tea'.

  So are they suddenly coming out of the woodwork because I've said some heretical things and missed a heap of meetings, or is it just my imagination?
• 

  Tiktaalik

  Sounds like you need to take out a restraining order.
• 

  Splash

  The concept of 'boundaries' doesn't exist. I've had elders just come straight out and ask me how much I earn at work. Splash.
• 

  2+2=5

  I never got a sheparding call in 5+ years. Expressed some doubts, stopped reporting field service and started missing meetings and now the Elders want to visit every second weekend.

  I had a phone call mid week asking if I would like to join the group in the memorial campaign. No thanks.

  I got asked if I am available for a visit from the CO. Not available.

  Saying no gets easier with practice. Eventually they will stop asking I hope. If not, I might tell them to stop asking.
• 

  Rattigan350

  Back when I was single, I used to stop, unannounced and visit elders from my congregation and others.

  Since getting married, I don't see the point.
• 

  88JM

  I think a lot of elders are "on alert" after that last training school. Give it time, and they will give up.

  There has been a wave of sheparding visits in our congregation recently with the most bizzare counsel being given from trigger-happy elders.
• 

  blondie

  the COBOE stopped by where I was leaning on the literature counter and asked me all about my antidepressants and dosages.

  He missed the point in Sunday's WT study article about discussing medical information at the KH....So is he a medical doctor? Where are the confidentiality laws here...he is not entitled to that information.

  Paragraph 13

  We meet together to discuss spiritual

  matters and to increase our joy, a

  product of God’s holy spirit. (Gal. 5:22)

  On such occasions, offering health advice

  or products—solicited or unsolicited—

  can detract from our spiritual purpose

  and rob others of their joy. (Rom.

  14:17) How a person addresses health

  concerns must be his or her own decision.

  Further, no one has a solution to all

  illness. Even the finest doctors get old

  and sick, and eventually they die
• 

  punkofnice

  Looks like you're on their radar.

  I wonder if there will be a CO visit soon and they don't want to be bullied by the CO?

  COs are often arrogant filth.

  I wonder if the elder took your hubby away to interrogate him about you?
• 

  rubadubdub

  You can wait them out. I was stalked for FIVE MONTHS after I first walked away-- phone calls, answering machine messages, cell calls, VM; notes, KMs and mags in door; notes, letters, and cards in the mail; emails and text messages, and CD recording of missed S.A.D. (I once pointed out to my CoBOE that that acronym stood for seasonal effective disorder. He didn't find that amusing. Come to think of it he didn't find it amusing when I pointed out that the new chairs in the KH had red and green Christmas trees in the pattern. No sense of humor, but I digress .) I got invitations to baby showers-- had been off that list for years! Invitation to lunch at C.A. in one of the apartments-- nice try. The most pathetic attempts to reassimilate were a letter begging me to come back from the teen homeschooled pioneer daughter of our school overseer (no sister left to give the hard topics to I guess), and a real winner that gets the prize for least effort-- a copy of an "encouraging" letter I had sent which was highlighted in yellow. No comment, just the highlighting!

  Ignore, don't respond, don't engage. They will tire out. I promise!

  I only let one elder in for a chat by the front glass door, and only because he was alone. He nervously asked how my sabbatical was going. I laughed. Told him I was still dealing with some personal matters (He was all too familiar with the saga.), reminded him that I had an intensive outpatient hospitalization for severe depression the prior year and was not interested in going back as an in-patient. Told him I had all of the elders contact info and knew where the KH was. Not a word since.
• 

  AndDontCallMeShirley

  Hi Julia

  In my experience any interest in you by the Elders has an ulterior motive. They usually show up only when they think they can initiate judicial action against a person. It's like chumming the water- the sharks will show up! Their usual routine shows they have no real concern in actually helping someone who needs it. This is why Shepherding calls are virtually non-existent in most congregations- the Elders can't count time for it (reason #1), and they are not genuinely interested in anyone so why waste the time? I do realize there are occasionally good, decent Elders who are genuine, but they are the exception, not the rule. Elders who try to promote an official Shepherding program usually find themselves in no-man's land and a black sheep of the Body.

  I know JWs that have literally begged the Elders for an encouraging Shepherding visit, only to be ignored- repeatedly. But, if that same Publisher makes a mistake, or someone makes a false accusation against them that the Elders want to pursue, they'll have an 'investigatory' committee put together so fast it'll make your head spin!

  Ignore them, they'll lose interest-fast!