Witness wants to come and vist. What to do?

by MsD 33 Replies latest jw friends

  • MsD

    So I haven't studied with this witness since October. She had taken over when the other could not study with me. Reasons unknown to me other than that she told me her and husband had separated.

    Anyway... This particular witness calls me at least once every two weeks. She had left me previous messages, which I had ignored. I finally talked to her this week since I didn't want to seem like an ass. She apologized to me about some words we had back in October. I told her that she need not apologize since my decision to cease studying had nothing to do with our conversation. She asks me if we could talk and if she can come and visit. All with a pushy attitude so I hesitantly agreed since I do want to reveal to her many of the things that I have learned, researched on my own. I know I need to be prepared when we do meet but at the same time I don't feel ready to face her with all this information. She wants to come and visit next week. Should I have her over or wait till I am fully confident in what I need to tell her? Any advice appreciated. Thanks

  • LostGeneration

    As long as she knows up front you are not interested in resuming your study at all then I would say go for it.

    No need to explain it all. Just say you have done plenty of research on her religion and you have no doubt at all that they are not God's Organization today. Keep repeating that over and over.

    After that, she will probably leave you alone forever.

  • jgnat

    I don't anticipate you will have a chance to look over all you have learned since you last talked, so perhaps to clear your mind for what is ahead, why don't you organize what you have got in to major topic areas?

    A sneaky way to go about it is to start by asking what she thinks your major concern would be? This will probably be what she considers the weakest link. If it is an issue you don't care about or know, redirect the conversation to the issue you are most passionate about.

    I've always thought one or two strong points will be better remembered than an avalanche.

  • DesirousOfChange

    I think you need to be well versed and well prepared to present any issue that is important to you. I'm sure you've learned more than you ever wanted to know about JWs/WTS here, but there had to be one or two things that really disturbed you. Be sure you know more about those issues than does your Bible Study conductor.

    2nd -- DO NOT admit to searching "apostate" websites for you information. It has to be info that has come from someone you know that is concerned for your well-being. Perhaps THEY sought out apostate sources, but what do you care WHERE it is from? The issue is: IS IT TRUE? If she says NO, then PROVE IT IS NOT TRUE. Of course, I really feel that most of what you've discovered here will hold up to scrutiny. People here only have an axe to grind beause they also found TTATT and they were shocked too.

    I'd suggest posting here what issues you want to try and present and get some ideas from people here. Don't get into anything too deep. And (as jgnat also suggests) don't get into more than 1 or 2 things. DO NOT LET YOUR GUEST BOUNCE ALL OVER. KEEP HER ON THE SUBJECT(s).

    Good Luck


  • RubaDub

    Burn some incense, keep the lights very low, and at the end of every sentence you hear start to hum.

    Rub a Dub

  • undercover

    I know I need to be prepared when we do meet but at the same time I don't feel ready to face her with all this information. She wants to come and visit next week. Should I have her over or wait till I am fully confident in what I need to tell her?

    The only preperation you need is how to say, "I'm not interested in your religion." Don't bother with trying to show her the error of her ways. She's not coming to learn from you. She's coming to convert you to her religion. In fact, you don't need to have her come over to tell her that. Tell her on the phone. "Thank you for your time, but I've decided that your religion is not for me. Please take me off your return visit list" You owe her nothing else. She's not your friend. She's a marketing rep for a publishing company. Treat her the same as any other unwanted telemarketor or door-to-door salesperson.

  • Hortensia

    I agree with undercover -- if you aren't interested in becoming a JW, just say so and keep repeating it until she runs out of steam. Do it on the phone, rather than in your living room.

    If you really want to talk with her about things you've learned, think about why you want to do that. She will have canned answers for everything, and I doubt you can get her to see what you see so clearly.

  • MsD

    1914 and blood are two subjects I am passionate about. She knows this because I had mentioned to her back in October that both issues are doctrines that the organization has changed their minds about many many times. I did not go into full detail about what I've discovered on my own. Still I think she believes she can make me realize that the organization is the only channel to god.

    I want to express to her that I don't believe that it is. I want her to understand that I will never dedicate myself to something that isn't what they say they are. She is an older witness, over 30 yrs. Is not a born in, her husband isn't a witness and she shuns her son because I'm pretty sure he's confronted her with the same info I may tell her. She told me one time that she has no hope for him. I just think its terribly sad but I understand this is how they treat their own flesh and blood thanks to the organization.

    She is somebody I've known for quite some time, on and off for about 6 yrs. I was friends with her daughter (playdates with the kids, parties, get togethers) whom doesn't speak with me. Lets just say we have a history. I just feel cutting ties makes more sense to me now. Everybody else wants nothing to do with me since I've stopped studying so what's the point of trying to rationalize with any of them?! They are all stuck in this religion. I am not.

  • ABibleStudent

    Wecome and Hi MsD, If you no longer want to study with JWs, just have one or both copies of Raymond Franz's books (i.e., "Crisis of Conscience" and "In Search of Christian Freedom") and at least one of Steve Hassan's books (i.e., "Combatting Cult Mind Control", "Releasing the Bonds: Empowering People to Think for Themselves", and "Freedom of Mind: Helping Loved Ones to Leave Controlling People, Cults, and Organizations"). As soon as she sees the books or photocopies of the title pages, she will probably excuse herself from any further studies with you. JWs do not like to waste their time trying to indoctrinate people how are knowledgeable about the WTBTS and Dangerous Cults. Independent knowledge and thought is like Kryptonite to JWs.

    Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,


  • Satanus

    It seems that you don't really want her there. It's not the visit of a friend or family, it's a sales visit. Why would you let some stranger impose their presence on you and your home? A simple no thankyou, repeated as often as necesary would allow you to keep this salesperson from getting in your space. Her apology was likely just a bit of manipulation in the sales process.


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