How did you break the news to your parents?

by tootired2care 47 Replies latest jw friends

  • Balaamsass
    Balaamsass

    Sorry you are conflicted. Why hurt them and yourself?

    Say nothing. Ask about THEM. Go someplace -sightsee during meeting times. Say short prayers and mention THEM in the prayers.

    If it comes up...say you where a bit stumbled...have no issue with god, the bible or Jesus..just some men (GB) and you are "Waiting on Jehovah" to fix it (at home..in an easy chair ).

    If it comes up they will be pissed someone stumbled you...if pressed...."I don't want to gossip". End of conversation. Works for us..so far.

    Take the high road be pleasant..respect their beliefs. my 2 cents.

  • tootired2care
    tootired2care

    Thanks so much everyone this has been very helpful to me.

    @Phizzy – This seems like how it’s probably going to go down for us as well. We live far from parents. The difference is we need to bring it up, but that is a good disarming intro line.

    @jemba – I actually don’t think they have, I would have heard something by now. I wish they would though it would actually make this process easier.

    @BreathofIndianNoise – That might be an interesting angle, I’ll think about that. I think I just have too much anger to play the victim though.

    @Mind Blown – I realize that I’m not going to convert them. I just want to state my case, so that I don’t have to pretend when I’m around them anymore. Listening to them go on and on about how great the organization is not good for my blood pressure.

    @Nikki – Thanks for sharing your experience, I can’t believe your step dad called for that? Where is this great love they profess?

    @PrincessPeachz – well that was nice of you to email your family, I figure I’ll just let the parents take care of that part.

    @Skbj – Indeed it is. I like letters because then you can get your precise thoughts across without interruption.

    @Flipper – I agree, whatever I do say will be very little or in summary. It’s nice you still have a relationship with your folks. The problem with me is I’m not offended by local elders it’s the governing body and there long history of wrong teachings. I always appreciate the kind way you express yourself, and thanks for being here.

    @Balaamsass – The thing is, is it hurts more to pretend if that make sense. At least If they know we might not speak to each other but everyone knows where we stand. The stumbled argument might be good, I could say I am stumbled by the governing body…LOL.

  • Borges
    Borges

    I wrote a letter to my parents (die hard jw since the early fifties), just saying that I don't believe the witnesses have the truth and invited them to talk about it whenever they want. I didn't get an answer. I called them two weeks later, just to ask, if they've received the letter. My dad said: "Yes". I asked: "Do you want to talk about it?" He said: "We are not interested." I said:"You are not interested in why you son after more than 40 years as a witness came to the conclusion that it isn't the truth?" Again he said: "I'm not interested" and finished the call.

    Since then I didn't had any conctact with my parents. This was a bit more than a year ago. Sometimes I think it would have been better to say nothing. Maybe I would have had the opportunity to make certain comments that could raise some doubts in them. But my goal isn't to convince my family (even I would love to see them leave the cult). More important than the relationsship to my family is my own integrity and the way I consider myself. I don't see my parents anymore, didn't see them very often before. But I have to look in the mirror everyday. And I don't like to see somebody looking at me, who doesn't stand for what he thinks and what he feels.

  • mind blown
    mind blown

    I totally understand.....

    I think I like Balaamsass suggestion best, and when you think about it, it's really not a lie

    My die hard Aunt was trying to talk to me about the so called truth a couple years back, and I used the UN/ Blood issues stating something is terribly wrong and that I felt the GB may have gone apostate. She replied so are you telling me the brothers are Satanic? I replied, I didn't say that.....I'm just saying something is wrong. I don't think all JW's are bad but something is wrong with the ones in charge at the top. Of course she said....well if there is, Jehovah will take care of it and I'll wait of him. Of course the big A come up and I said I don't think God will be mad if I have a good point.....so I'll just wait it out too and do what I have to do.

    Best wishes with whatever you choose...at least you have your wife's support.....keep us updated......

  • tenyearsafter
    tenyearsafter

    When I told my mom I wouldn't be going back, she gave the same old tired reasons and questions, ie: "where else will you go?", "everything you learned is from the Society", "you are abandoning Jehovah", etc. When I told her I disagreed, she said I made her sick! Of course, since she depends on me for many of her daily needs, she still "associates" with me and accepts all help. Gotta love the critical thinking and balanced viewpoints displayed!

  • Nowman
    Nowman

    BTW, I still have not seen my step dad since 1992. As for my mom, she was DF'd in 2000, which is the year reunited since I left in 1992.

    Shunning, really helps people, huh? I mean, I have 3 kids now, I could never shun them EVER. I love them too much.

    Nikki

  • rebel8
    rebel8

    I was in a totally different situation than you, tootired. I was abused financially and physically by my jw parent. She was taking away all my money.

    I had to scheme my way out. I pretended I had to work extra hours or I'd get fired. I lied and said I was going to a meeting at another cong with a friend--instead I worked and hid the cash. Any excuse I could make--I'd work and hide cash. She kept finding it and taking it away because she didn't want me to move out. I'd put the money in the bank but she'd open my bank statements. (I wish I knew about safe deposit boxes--that would have been a good idea.)

    Finally there was a big blowup and I got kicked out with little cash to my name. I owned a car but owed money on it. I stayed with a coworker because I had nowhere to go. Funny, the scumbag worldly person I stayed with was 100x kinder to me than my own mother--a dub to boot.

    She's a monster.

  • Dagney
    Dagney

    Say nothing. Ask about THEM. Go someplace -sightsee during meeting times. Say short prayers and mention THEM in the prayers.

    If it comes up...say you where a bit stumbled...have no issue with god, the bible or Jesus..just some men (GB) and you are "Waiting on Jehovah" to fix it (at home..in an easy chair ).

    If it comes up they will be pissed someone stumbled you...if pressed...."I don't want to gossip". End of conversation. Works for us..so far.

    Take the high road be pleasant..respect their beliefs. my 2 cents.

    Excellent advice. This has worked for me also. Always turn convo to be about them, work/house/hobby/sports/anything about them. I said I had no issue with the people/congregation, but with "the corporation." (I get baffled looks but they never question me.) When they say something is good about the meeting/assembly/Watchtower, I say "THAT'S GREAT!!! (Again baffled looks but the convo about it ends.)

    For the time, I have no respect for the WTBS, in fact I detest it. But I show JW's respect for their right to believe, because I was there. If a JW does not show me respect, then I am D-O-N-E with them. Period.

    Act with kindness and wisdom, it will go along way.

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