How did you break the news to your parents?

by tootired2care 47 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  leavingwt

  I should have elaborated.

  - they will view it as an attack upon them

  - they will be forced to shun you and think of you as an apostate

  - you can kiss any inheritance good-bye

  - you'll be unable to have interactions with them, so as to enlighten them, because the well will have been poisoned

  Silence/"discouraged"/"stumbled" won't bring these negative consequences, in many cases.

  You can maintain the benefit of the doubt by keeping the truth to yourself. By telling them you don't believe, you switch off their minds, allowing them to dismiss you.
• 

  tootired2care

  I appreciate all of your thoughts on this thank you.

  So far it seems that the consensus is to just keep it zipped. The problem though is that my wifes folks are coming to visit and they are going to wonder why were not praying to jah at meals and going to meeting, and how memorial and convention is/was so I don't think we can dodge this much longer. My wife is out and really she is who I care about most, i've never been very close with my family yet i'm the one always loaning them money...go figure. I really don't have a lot to lose, other then them shuning me.

  Family + JW politics = Hell. I just hate this religion which has no dignified way to leave.
• 

  hoser

  you can kiss any inheritance good-bye

  Even if you are a circuit star elder regular pioneer, count on nothing. The watchtower gets their money first.
• 

  problemaddict

  Leaving WT is right.

  Although considering your situation I would tweak some suggestions. Since you planned on an all out truth-fest, maybe this stuff will be easier than you think.

  Ok so maybe just try a few of these. Ask them if they would like to pray. Nothing wrong with them doign that right? Of serve appetizers and the meal just keeps on going. I personally don't have a problem praying before meals, but if its a sticking point, there is a way around it.

  If they ask when your meeting is, just tell them. Don't go, have another activity planned or something like that. if they ask how the convention was, tell them you dont know because you weren't there.

  The trick is to be HONEST, but not FORTHCOMING. Don't let it turn into a conversation. If they really want a fight, you will get it, but don't do the phone/letter/carrier pigeon thing. If you must, talk to your parents face to face, try to let them remian with their dignity, and insist on yours in a respectful manner. Don't prove them RIGHT about ex-JW's by going nutso.
• 

  tootired2care

  Problemaddict - great suggestions. To be clear whatever we do say will be in summary, we don't plan on getting into doctrine. All we are thinking of saying is that we no longer believe the WT corporations teachings, and we will respect your beliefs as long as you respect ours and leave it at that. Do you think that would work or does is it really not matter once you open pandora's box?
• 

  problemaddict

  Dario had a nice post as well. Good points.
• 

  leavingwt

  "All we are thinking of saying is that we no longer believe the WT corporations teachings"

  I feel the need to provide you with an additional warning. What you've written above sounds harmless enough -- to those of us on the inside, mentally. Please understand that this one, simple sentence is a huge effing deal to loyal JWs. This is worse than discussing doctrine. This is the entire enchilada. This is the nuclear option. In this one sentence, you officially become an Apostate. They have been indoctrinated for years how to react to apostasy. You will trigger a reflexive response, and it will not be pleasant.

  Please make sure that your wife understands this.
• 

  tootired2care

  Thanks leavingwt - I see your point. I just need to somehow communicate in a respectful way that we are not on board with the WT program anymore, so that we don't have to keep faking it (which creates stress and anxiety, bad for health etc.), while minimizing collateral damage. The WT just makes this an impossibility. Shouldn't there be some kind of law against this? Freedom to leave religion...LOL.
• 

  00DAD

  TweetieBird: Recently got a letter from her about how we fit the definition of an apostate since we have left the faith.

  tootired2care: All we are thinking of saying is that we no longer believe the WT corporations teachings

  WTBTS:

  • Jehovah = the organization
  • The Organization = Jehovah
  • People the leave the organization are apostates

  The WTBTS has defined the word "apostate" so that anyone that disagrees or even leaves silently is an "apostate." Apostates are to be shunned.

  Let's review: It's a cult!
• 

  Tater-T

  http://www.humanistsofutah.org/1992/art4june92.html