by Sour Grapes 43 Replies latest jw experiences
My grandmother was in her 80s when she died a few years ago. I never ever once considered the possibility that I would have to live a huge chunk of my life without her. Much less join her on the other side one day.
Isn't that absolutely insane? The cult totally throws you off of nature's path psychologically.
For all of us who discovered freedom, another life, new friends, new relationships, a few years of a new skill or a new talent,
at least we didn't die not knowing, and only living in a cult. You write your life story -and it had a happy ending...
I observe with interest the different ways I and my husband (the JW) approach old age. I'm a little different than my peers even, as I adored my grandparents and frankly, I want to grow up to be like them one day. For me, the best is yet to come, even as my body begins to betray me. Eh, I've got the marks of a life well led (and the creaks and groans to go with it).
Hubby, on the other hand, is desperately trying to hang on the vesiges of his youth. The fool is still talking about getting a hairpiece. I just know he is going to be a pain to live with in the nursing home.
I don't think the WTS does the congregation any favours in helping them come to terms with ageing. Other than a weak-kneed article once a year to treat your elders with gentleness and respect.
The faithful seniors, as far as I could tell, were pointedly ignored by the elders, who were too busy with important business. Likely a kindly congregation member would take the time to stop and chat. My husband was even reproved once, for getting too friendly with the elderly ladies.
I've also advised hubby that he can take care of the here and now, and I will happily continue to plan for our retirement. I am confident he will be around to reap the benefits.
The constant JW lies prophesy that "Armageddon is only a few years away" prevented whole generations of JWs from making necessary old age preparations while they were able to do so. Yet those in control look forward to a comfortable retirement bethel, looked after by an army of willing slaves.
Sour Grapes:
Although I wasn't a born-in, I also never feared the concept of old age. It wasn't because I never expected to see it but because I felt as most young people feel when they have youth and good looks. You cannot imagine being any other way.
When I began my "fade" from the JW religion, the first thing I did was to make peace with the idea of death and everything that it entails (belief or not of a hereafter, etc.). I found, much to my surprise, that I didn't have a problem with it. You see, I never entirely bought into the JW religion's idea of "paradise earth" and felt there were too many holes in this belief.
Even though you are hurting now, it can be better. I felt as if I were sucker-punched and the idea of wasted years that I cannot get back (over 20) made me numbingly sick for a while. Yes, we all got taken on a wild ride by a lying, unaccountable religious organization. But, I had to put it out of my mind and go forward. While all the posts here are good, I like the advice given by Posters 144001 and panhandlegirl. Go now with what you have left. Get started on the rest of your life.
I know it isn't easy, but avoid the temptation of being consumed with hate for the religion. Time is a luxury you cannot afford to waste.
I wish you all the best.
Left in the Cold:
I like your quote. It is certainly a privilege for people to grow old and many people certainly don't get this privilege, so I'm not knocking it!
For those non-JWs who read this board and see former JWs saying that they never believed in the paradise, keep in mind that MOST JWs did and still do! Their lifes are CONSUMED with this belief! So, I would consider it an anomoly when previous JWs indicate on this board that they never bought into the paradise.
I draw attention to this because if you were [or are] a [truly] "faithful" JW, all the normal decisions you make in life [retirement, well-being, marriage, having children, owning a home, etc.] are put on hold by MANY JWs! Why? Because they earnestly believe what they have been taught! There have been so man publications and assemblies/public talks/conventions where the phrase "a certainty" was used to indicate that the generation of 1914 would NOT die off the earthly seen before the end comes - how many times has the rank and file been told that marriage and having children should be postponed if you REALLY believe the end is so close!
I have a LOT of compassion for so many JWs who believed and supported this religion with their whole heart, mind and strength [not to mention monetarily] ONLY to realize later in life that it was all for not. So many of these people are truly GOOD people. They wanted to help people and do the right thing in life. Unfortunately, they were mis-lead by leaders that wrecklessly deluded people with rhetoric and misleading reasoning. All contrived, to support their many mistakes - which they don't even call mistakes. New Light is what they call it. They can NEVER be wrong with this type of circular reasoning. What a sham... what a hoax. Don't the leaders have a conscience? You would have thought that the Ray Franz debacle would have awakened the leaders to their senses and to do the responsible thing, admitting that they have been wrong for all these decades!
My heart bleeds for the mislead - it really does.
So many great comments.
So many believed 100% that what was told to us was 100% 24k Solid Gold God's Truth...we wouid not grow old.. But the TTATT is that they sold us gold plastic junk. Just like any sleazy business. They abuse their employees, us. If we don't like it, leave. We have to understand, leaving WTB&T$, is a GOOD thing. There never was any benefit package. We never even got an xmas turkey, lol!
As a fader, I can't believe, what I used to believe. (shaking head) Yikes. There are so many honest hearted good "worldly" people out there/here. Educated. Enlightened. Normal.
Most of my life is over, yet because I just recently (not yet 8 mos.) learned TTATT, I am finding I can relax, as in I/you am not blood guilty over anything. What a terrible lie to hold over volunteer heads. I lived with a lifetime of guilt. I didn't feel like ALL the time witnessing to people. I didn't like going to the Hall early to listen to the sisters discuss/gossip what each one was wearing. geesz! I didn't want to have to go and smile and welcome new people. I had never planned out my future, I wasn't suppose to make it to 6th grade, 8th grade, high school. I am now retired. I had never planned on that. Thankfully, my husband was a professional, who paid into a retirement fund. Where we lived in about 1974/5 the gov't was offering to let you opt out of paying into retirement funds every month, if you so wished. They offered to give you in one lump sum what you had already paid in. I know 2 bros who agreed to this. Not a happy story.
I think about now, that I will grow old. Silly, that it is a new thought.
On facebook, I see what fulfilling lives, so many of my classmates have had. We are told not to go to our high school reunions. Is that because we will be embaressed? JW's are odd. I always made a point to let everyone know I was a jw. Not anymore. I have moved and am starting over. Why should I tell people I was brain washed, so stayed in a useless cult, for almost all my life? I am not an a$$hole, so I am keeping my mouth shut!
Sour Grapes I totally relate to you,I'm hitting the big 50 my next birthday and have spent some time being angry about the lies I feed into but growing up a JW thats just how it was.I'm just glad I was able to figure it out and decided to live a normal life like normal people,but it took me till I was about 45 to do so,and honestly I have a much! happier life now,,it does sadden me to see my relatives especially my parents thinking the paradise is around the corner and spending so much of their time and energy for the Society that doesn't give a crap about them,,,,this fourm is such a big help to me and I hope it helps you to know there are others that feel the same as you...
Thank you for validating the point I was trying to make - you did it beautifully! All "faithful" Jehovah's Witnesses who learn The-Truth-About-The-Truth are in for an eye-opening experience. Due to years/decades of indoctrination, it can take awhile to realize all the different ways that the leaders controlled your thinking and lives! It can also take a while - physchologically speaking - to understand why you were so brain-washed. (Basically, we allowed other people [men] to take advantage of our good hearts.) This can be disturbing and unsettling. I've found that reading this board has helped, because you see that it wasn't just you who believed in these lies. Only an ex-JW can really understand what another ex-JW has gone through once they learn TTATT. Peace to all who are in the beginning - or middle - of that process!
I would just like to add that in 1995, not to long after the generation "change", I stepped down as a ministerial servant. (btw: I was asked/begged many times to become an elder previous to this.) The elders tried hard to convince me NOT to step down. But, I was persistent. I couldn't continue to give talks because I felt the WTS mis-lead me and I didn't feel the same zeal as a leader, nor would I feel right about mis-leading people if I didn't believe the so-called Truth as I once did. (I hate phonies and I would never be a phony!)
Although I continued to be a JW - going to most meetings, my F/S went down the toilet. I mean, I used to stressed to householders - who would listen - that the promises of the paradise would come in OUR LIFETIME, within a generation of 1914. How do you think I felt about the 1995 change? I felt humiliated. I also felt that I could NO LONGER trust the leadership of the WTS. It would take several years before I finally stopped going, but I feel so sorry for family who is still in and wasting their time, energy, funds, and their future!
What bothers me today is this. If I - as a ministerial servant - could figure out The-Truth-About-The-Truth, why couldn't the leaders of the WTS? I've determined that they KNOW TTATT, but won't give up their power and everything that comes with that - free board, free food, free utilities, free automobiles, free retirement care, free medical, etc. Esp. in today's world, that's compelling reasons on their own to continue to perpetuate the hoax! What's wrong about this whole scenario is that it is plain wrong to live off of others contributions under the false pretense that they alone are approved by God and picked by him to lead all so-called "true worshippers". That's a bunch of baloney and I really think- in their hearts - that they know this! How they maintain a clean conscience about this is very telling of their true character. And, it's not a flattering picture, no matter how nice they appear to the rank and file.
