Hi all
I have only just recently found this site, in fact only recently gone online to do research of my own about JWs. Before I left I had only gone on my gut instinct, not even realising I was not alone with my feelings. The week I was appointed an elder some 11 years ago, I had had to write to a congregation many miles away from me about how unloving they were (more details below).
Not long after I started to have concerns about JWs, expecially as the message of 'following the bibles message' subtly changed to 'follow the FDS', this did not sit well with me. Eventually after seeing the effect DFing has on people, and the way certain issues were being handled I knew I had to be away from it.
I suffered incredible turmoil, I stopped eating for a while when I knew I had to go. I had just received an invitation to an elders school and knew I could not go. My resignation letter was as follows:
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I write you this day of my resignation from the body of elders with immediate effect. As you know I have been unwell physically and mentally. I feel that my resigning from the body will enable me to concentrate on getting myself well enough to enjoy being with my brothers again. The reason for my health issue is as follows:
My mother came into the truth when I was 7, and not long after married a witness, despite one of the elders recommending she not do so.
It turns out he is a paedophile and my sister and I survived several years of physical, mental and sexual abuse. Whilst the policy for dealing with such circumstances has changed over the years, current procedure would still not have protected me, as it was always my word against his, and a paedophile will rarely commit their crimes in front of witnesses. (1Tim 5:19) I had meetings with elders, but nothing could be done about the situation.
When eventually I was old enough and disgusted enough to make it clear what exactly was happening, the police were called, and he admitted to the elders that wrongful conduct had taken place. My mother divorced him and he was also disfellowshipped. This was not the first time he had been disfellowhipped.
All the while he was 'in the world' I was satisfied he would not prey on any witness children, however about 10 years ago he was welcomed back into the Christian congregation. I was not informed of this, I found out after he upset my sister at an assembly by insisting on sitting wherever she was.
The elders in my previous congregation, who had been on the committee told us to 'move on' with our lives, and warned that we could be dealt with for slander if we were to tell anyone. At that time I wrote to the elders in the congregation concerned outlining that we are still suffering on a daily basis and would dearly love to move on, but cannot. To date I have had no response.
I am sure you will agree that none of the above appears to have had any display of Christian love, unfortunately the elders had been guided by policies and procedures, that neither acted for the protection nor the comfort of the victims, only for the protection of the abuser. Additionally the fact that members of the congregation cannot be warned if a paedophile is in their congregation, and such a person is allowed to go on the ministry and conduct Bible studies with individuals including children is hard for me to understand. These are concerns I have had for many years.
In view of this, listening in elders meetings to policies and procedures on many different subjects, listening to talks at the hall and assemblies about finding comfort and protection in the organisation, have now taken their toll on me, and this is what has brought me to a nervous breakdown. I know firsthand that these policies can be for a protection, but can also be damaging if adhered to without taking love into account.
I am sure I will recover physically from this; mentally it may take a lot longer.
In my conclusion I ask that you consider the following. When asked by both the Pharisees and Sadducees, with the purpose of tricking him, which was the greatest command, Jesus said it is to love Jehovah and your neighbour, and this sums up all the laws Jehovah had given the Israelites. This showed up the religious sects’ wrongdoing in adding rules and regulations that did not have love as a basis. (Matt 22:36-38) Whilst I am not promoting straying from any policies that have been laid down from the organisation, I request that all dealings by the body of elders are based on love, procedural or not, especially as the dear brothers and sisters are doing their best to display such love themselves.
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I knew that once I had resigned I would not be coming back, and that has been the case for over a year. Prior to me 'fading' I had not spoken to anyone about how I was feeling about certain issues, except a couple of fellow elders, and never realised there was a whole community of people such as found here who felt the same as me. It has been quite an eye opener, and now makes perfect sense to me.
So, that's me for now, just wanted to say 'hi' and hopefully make a contribution or two over the next while.