So I've been studying with JWs since April 2011. 1 year later I decide to become an unbaptized publisher and take steps toward dedicating myself to Jehovah. I'm a single working mother of 2 with what i will call a very "colored" past. But over the course of this last year and a half I have dramatically turned my life around and am very pleased to be doing Jehovah's will. Because of my circumstances I don't always have the time others do to go out in service, but I have been doing a consistent 5-6 hours a month along with informal witnessing here and there. I also don't have the luxury of buying too many new clothes, but I do what I can. Now, fast forward to July 2012 and our convention is coming up and I express that I would like to get baptized at the next opportunity. Well the convention came and went and I personally did not feel ready to go through with the review....so I decide to wait till our assembly in October. I dilligently study the questions from July to October and restudy, and restudy till I feel ready.....I go through my review....the brothers agree I have all the knowledge down, BUT they recommend I should wait. Here's the kicker.....the 2 reasons they feel I should NOT be baptized after associating for over a year, being in service for 6 months, being enrolled in the school, consistently attending meetings, weekly study, etc.....are that 1) my 11 year old son refuses to study God's word. Now he goes in service, attends meetings with me, etc....but he has clearly expressed he is not interested at this time despite efforts from myself and other brothers. So, I cannot FORCE these ways upon him and risk the possibility of him resenting the truth....I simply lead by example, require that he attend meetings while living in my household, and keep making efforts to study with him and keep him in Jehovah's discipline......and reason 2) my dress is not "modest" enough. Now keep in mind, I wasn't always the nicest person my past 28 years of life, but never once have I purposely dressed provocatively. Now I am a curvy girl and have been granted with gifts others haven't that sometimes are hard to keep covered....but I wear cardigans and make sure my dresses are never shorter than just below my knees. Dress is always questionable, I will agree. It's more a matter of personal opinion. I am not protesting that I should be allowed to wear whatever I want to wear, I am a representative of Jehovah's organization and I want to present myself as such. So, maybe there is room for improvement on that.......the thing is.....the elder that brought up this reasoning to me....I study with his wife....and both his wife and daughter have donated many dresses to me because we are similar in size and shape....so if these dresses were appropriate for his family to wear, why are they suddenly inappropriate for ME???
Also.....neither of these points were EVER brought up to me during my entire course of study. I was never counseled on them. Don't the guidelines say I should be counseled first, then held accountable for my improvement or refusal to comply???
Now, nowhere in the bible or watchtower literature have I read that ALL members of a baptism candidate's household MUST be studying as well for that person to qualify for baptism. That is my first point. My second is that if I have worn the same dresses (that I received from an elder's family) for the past year to meetings, conventions and out in service and they were never addressed as a problem before, why are they a problem now??? I am concerned the brothers (well....BROTHER actually.....the others stayed silent while I received this speech from my bible teacher's husband) made a choice based on personal opinion....not scriptures or printed organizational guidelines. Now, I've suffered a great deal of discouragement, it makes me think the organization are a bunch of hypocrites when I believed all this time in my heart that what I was learning was truth, and that these brothers were there to guide and help me grow, and I'm set back another 5-6 months for the next available opportunity to get baptized IF THEY FEEL I AM READY. I called our CO who agreed the decision was questionable and he will be counseling them this week. I also wrote the Governing Body for their formal opinion on the matter. Close friends in the truth have also recommended I change congregations so as not to suffer retaliation or continue to be judged personally.
My question is.....has this happened to anyone else? Do you believe these reasons are scripturally valid and that I am overreacting? And how do I get past this feeling of defeat and keep walking in Jehovah's ways? I need help!