I was HAPPY as a JW, how did I get here?

by MC RubberMallet 85 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  Christ Alone

  Thinking back, I was happy...when things were good. It was when the inevitable problems in life came along that I began to realize TTATT. Bethel was both a very happy and a very miserable time for me. At one point when the rules were getting to me and the extreme judgementalism was so strong I was at a Monday night bethel WT study and the speaker was Sam Herd. He said "Bethel is the best place to be. Do you know why? Because this is exactly what the New System is going to be like. Yes, you will all still be imperfect and hurt each other in various ways. You have to grow to perfection, you see. It may be a loooooonnnnnggggg time before you reach perfection. But we will be under Jehovah and his organization. Just like here at bethel. Won't that be glorious?!?" Notice the use of the pronoun "you". HE will be perfect as soon as he gets to heaven, you understand.

  I remember thinking, wow...I no longer think the New System sounds like much fun anymore. It's just like bethel?!?!?

  It's easy to be a JW when everything is good. But when those inevitable feelings of not doing enough, not being good enough, sinning too much, etc... come along, then you realize how miserable you are. There is no grace in the organization. Only work work work and MAYBE you'll be saved.
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  breakfast of champions

  I think you're here for the same reason I'm here: you're being honest with yourself.

  And if you can't be honest with yourself, really, how happy are you?
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  rather be in hades

  lasting happiness doesn't come from lies and that's all the wts has to offer
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  rip van winkle

  MC Rubber Mallet- Yes, I know several that have had happy experiences, who also gave up their dreams of education, scholarships, and appear happy and content in every way. Generations in and serving. The problem is they are unaware that their whole entire life is based on LIES.

  At least you know TTATT. And it's always good to hear the positive aspects because otherwise people may not understand why people don't "Awaken" or why they are content using their life in what they consider a higher calling.

  I also understand why you cannot reveal too much about yourself, at this time. And glad you took the time to share your experience. And of course, would love to know the turning point for you.

  Thanks.
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  Glander

  As a born in, I grew up, went to school (to 11th grade), married at 18 to a 16 year old sister, had 5 beautiful kids and became an elder at 28. My entire family were all deeply involved JW's. Uncles and cousins were congregation servants, pioneers, circuit servants. I had a knack for public speaking and became a prominent elder in my early 30's. I also was called on to serve on judicial committees for 5 years straight in a very fucked up congregation of good people of about 150 in a small community of about 5 congregations. Judicial matters often crossed over from one cong. to another.

  I was "happy" during that period even though I was struggling to provide for my large family. I was very much caught up in the 1975 anticipation, (In '66 a brother called to tell me about the 1975 prophecy on the night our first child was born) Any materialistic ambitions were non existant. I worked in construction and whatever. We scrimped and survived in a tiny, uninsulated 2 bedroom house in 100+ summers and 40 degree winters. Never missed a meeting. We got our big family around in a rattle trap old Rambler station wagon. Me and another brother would would go dumpster diving on non meeting nights. We would salvage mouldy cheese still in the package, produce and whatnot.

  I truly believe that if it were not for the committee matters I may never have been aware of the inconsistancies in WT doctrine. As I have mentioned before, this was when the WT was dabbling in sexual matters, grounds for divorce, etc. It was a nightmare to deal with these real people who were trying to deal with all the "new light".

  To make a long story short, I shook the dust off my feet at 37 over serious questions with the WT. They DF'd me. Two years later my company was featured in the newspaper, with pictures of my fancy office and I have never looked back.
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  LostGeneration

  Interesting intro...waiting for more!

  There are a lot of good folks in, I will never say otherwise. Like Ray said though, its all based on a myth. Once you understand that, its impossible to look at it any other way.
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  dazed but not confused
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  dazed but not confused

  Can't wait to hear more
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  steve2

  • It's good to read a thread that emphasizes the reality of many ex-witnesses: They were happy as witnesses. Unlike many, many others, their lives in the organization were fulfilling. Their stories are just as valid as those who were unhappy and unfulfilled as witnesses. I have long believed that untold numbers of JWs are well-adjusted individuals who do not lead lives of quiet desperation.
  • And yet, happiness - or its opposite - are hardly reliable barometers of a religion's goodness or otherwise.
  • People can lead lives of bliss in miserable surroundings and the opposite is also true: People can present as pictures of perfect happiness in the most depressing of environments. This speaks to both human vulnerability and its opposite, resilience.
  • I do look forward to the second part of this post because it has the potential to offer insights and observations not often aired about factors besides "happiness" that influence people's continued affiliation with their religion.
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  Vidqun

  Ignorance is bliss. I'd rather be in the know, than be ignorant and "happy."