Getting Back In (yes, its for family) What do I Say on 3rd Try?

by Meadow36 70 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  DesirousOfChange

  What about moving to a congregation that is more loving and down to earth with less or no Pharisees?

  Moving won't resolve anything as the original committee that DFd is always the committee which has the decision to reinstate, regardless of where the individual is living or attending. A committee who hears the plea for reinstatement in a new congregation only can make a "recommendation" to the original committee. But do move or change Congs as soon as you are reinstated, as all decisions about restoring privileges is in the hands of the new cong elders.

  Say you've given it a lot of thought and you're like the Prodigal Son but are confused why they aren't like the father! - Luke 15:11 - 32

  I would not suggest making such a negative comparison. They would say your attitude about them (Jehovah's spirit directed servants) is not indicative of true repentance.

  Tell them you're repentant and you're relationship with Jehovah is repaired and now you want to rebuild your relationships with your family and anyone else that wants to.

  Rather than say that your concern is repairing family relationships (as this seems selfishly motivated), stress that you cannot ever feel it is fully restored with Jehovah until you are again part of His Worldwide Congregation.

  I would suggest saying that your prayer is that there was no long-term reproach brought on Jehovah's name by what you did, and if another individual was involved that you pray you have done everything possible to "right" the wrong that was done against them. Also, perhaps that others who have witnessed what you are going thru, will be less apt to make the same kind of mistake by realizing the damage it would do to their relationship with Jehovah.

  I thought Peter was a great example. He was imediately forgiven for denying Christ THREE times. (What the heck could be worse than that?) Another to mention might be King David and what he wrote at Ps 51, and how you relate to his feelings of remorse.

  Good luck,

  Doc
• 

  Quendi

  I have two pieces of advice. First, go to another congregation and work at reinstatement with its elder body. The congregation that disfellowshipped you will have to reinstate you, but at least you won’t have to face the humiliation and do the groveling that it is evident your judicial committee wishes to impose. What they are asking from you has nothing to do with your original “offense” but is simply their way of saying “Bend over and spread ’em.” I’m sorry to be so graphic, but you must understand these men are on a power trip and they are enjoying the ride.

  Second, don’t argue but simply comply with their wishes. That will be true even if you work with another congregation’s elders. And don’t think for a minute that another congregation can’t make a big difference in your efforts to be reinstated. I attended meetings in a congregation twenty-five miles away from the one that disfellowshipped me and was really treated like a lost sheep. The elders were kind, thoughtful and went out of their way to show me consideration. They were the exact opposite of the men I dealt with on my judicial committee.

  A second group of elders will tell your judicial committee that you are faithfully attending the meetings and cause no problems. They may even want to meet with you to determine what role they will play in your reinstatement. Don’t badmouth your judicial committee to these elders. Make up some reason why you are going to their meetings instead of the ones at your home congregation. They will be able to discern the score, but won’t hold that against you in all probability. Do this, and they will give a glowing recommendation to your judicial committee that will likely lead to your reinstatement.

  Quendi
• 

  BluesBrother

  Hmm, they obvously have doubted your sincerity up 'til now. I read good advice here.

  What they need to hear is that you really do repent of the "wrong" for which you were d/f'd . If only you could live that time again it would never happen. It has been so hurtful being cut off from family, but more so - the congregation and from Jehovah whom you love so very much

  [don't over do it though, it must sound sincere]

  I have not heard of that question, "Which Bible character?" it is a bit OTT in my opinion, however I guess The prodigal son would be a good one. or even King Manassah who did bad things, repented and Jehovah forgave him . There may be another one who fits your circumstance?

  Good luck
• 

  Quendi

  @ Blondie: I think you may have misunderstood meadows36 and her situation. I don’t believe she has been disfellowshipped three times, but rather that this is her third request to be reinstated. Her judicial committee is simply refusing to grant that request for their own reasons and not because they think she is still “sinning” or because she had been disfellowshipped twice before.

  Quendi
• 

  breakfast of champions

  my last meeting to be re-instated they said for next time figure out which person from the bible I'm most like.

  This sounds like a game of charades, not Christianity.
• 

  DesirousOfChange

  How long since you were DFd? It may just be a matter of time. There is much emphasis put on not letting "leaven" back into the Cong. If a person did something so serious and lacked genuine evidence of repentance to where they had to be put out of God's Congregation, they how can they really make a complete turn-around in just a matter of a few months. Thus, it's rare to be reinstated until at least a year has passed. Otherwise others in the Cong may think that committing a "sin" is not a serious matter.

  Doc
• 

  clarity

  Omg this is so unreal ... if a normal person read this they

  would think the watchtower is nuts ...... oh wait !

  >

  Sweety, just make sure you are worshipful of the

  governing body!

  That should help.

  >

  At least this time if they turn you down ...you could just maybe tell them to go

  your a$$

  clarity
• 

  Sapphy

  Don’t state explicitly or imply ANY fault with the original committee’s decision.

  Don’t state explicitly or imply ANY fault with the organisation or its stupid processes.

  State that the disfellowshipping process has worked and has broken your prideful spirit.

  Be humble to the point of complete self effacement.

  You have no desires other than to do what they tell you to the letter.

  You pray constantly and you feel Jehovah has forgiven you but you need re-instatement to serve him properly.

  You miss going out on the ministry & feel like your heart is broken because you can’t express your faith formally with the brothers & sisters. Emphasize you'll never take the priveledge of preaching for granted again.

  You still preach at work and try to show Jehovah’s organisations clean standards are to your benefit.

  You are like Job, you 'repent in dust and ashes'. Cry.

  You are like Jonah, you tried run away from your responsibilities by commiting sin & you have accepted "the 3 days in the fish" as discipline and are ready to do jahs will again.

  Pretend you're an actress playing a part. Remind yourself constantly that you're only doing it for family & you don't mean anything you say in that committee room.

  Good luck.
• 

  SophieG

  Meadow all I can give you is a big {{{{HUG}}}}

  WIsh ..."And be ready to tell them what I pray about..."
  
  Doesn't this seem like an invasion of "divine privacy"? Can the really ASK THAT? WOW!
• 

  JWdaughter

  Good luck!

  David is my suggestion. He was a gross sinner, but he loved God and (I think) was humble before him and (I hope!) was repentent. There were consequences to his actions and his whole family was disfunctional in the extreme-but no matter how messed up he was, he loved God and God is merciful to even the lowest sinner. (ok, this is all very old, haven't read any of it lately, so might want to reread what the WT says about him and twist it that way) My point was that God was able to forgive this man. If God can forgive him in his humility, who are they not to forgive you?

  HEY, exactly when did the WT turn into Catholic priests, taking confessions, reprimanding, absolving sin? Seriously! I am freshly ticked off about that! (long time since I was DFd, I am now terribly offended for you)