by mrsjones5 42 Replies latest jw friends
" My mother just told me today that her cousin's wife has extended an invite for me to attend their 35th wedding anniversary. "
I always equate such a second-hand invitation = no invitation. In this day and age, if they can't even call or email an invite themselves, then I assume that I'm not really invited. It's all a pretense.
You're right Billy. I'm an adult with a family of my own. If my mother's cousin really wanted me there she could have left my mother out of it, contacted me on Facebook and extended an invite. One funny part was she told my mother that I should RSVP before today (mind you my mother just told me yesterday after trying to reach me the day before when she really got the second hand invite). I don't hop that quick for second hand invites.
Oh, one thing I did leave out, the party is in two weeks.
This is the message I just sent on FB:
Congratulations, my mother told me about your upcoming 35th anniversary party and that I was welcome to come but I'm sorry to say that I can't because that's my daughter's birthday weekend. Thank you for asking.
I'm sorry to say that I can't because that's my daughter's birthday weekend.
What a perfect response!
Her reply:
u r welcome Josie, u r welcome to bring the children, we will be having loads of fun
Now, I wasn't kidding when I said that's my daughter's birthday weekend (I should backtrack here and say the party is on the 15th, my daughter's birthday is on the 14th). I love how she just skirted around that.
It gets so bizarre with relatives, my Elder brother's inlaws passed away and we only heard about it through a very long grapevine.
If I'm following correctly, you've never received a personal invite from this cousin anyway, so do you think she's really be sincere, or as I said in an earlier post, because of the travel distance do you think she kinda knows you won't show anyway?
Great response, Mrs. Jones: I attend any gathering not hosted by JW with my family. However with my Mom being gone now for 11 years and my Father really getting on in age invites are few and far between. Many of the old worldly friends of my childhood are either dead or in very bad health so not so many events. Have not received an invite to any JW events since 2 years ago which is just fine by me.
Maybe Shirley, but if she hadn't told my mother I wouldn't have know about it til after and I really wouldn't have cared.
Mrs. Jones - I've been in similar situations and I'm kind of torn. I think it's important to do what feels right for you at this point in time. And each family situation is unique. But there is another way to look at it.
Some years ago I refused to attend my parents' 50th anniversary because I was still too fragile and unable to cope with my toxic family. In a way I was shunning them. When they had their 55th, however, I did attend. I realized that I had reached the point in my recovery where I did not have to feel ambushed or uncomfortable. (Of course, my dad is not a JW and the functions include plenty of non-believers.) In retrospect, that was the point where I started to restore relationships with my parents, and was able to enjoy a few years before my mom died. So I'm glad I made the decision I did.
But I've started to reason that I have nothing to hide. If I attend, in a way I'm showing them that even though I am "apostate" (their definition) and a "practicer of sin" I'm still the same person they always knew. I'm a good, moral person and my children are the same. I'm proud to show them who I am now. I let them know that I'm happy with my life and doing well (even if it's not particularly true!). I'm not blatant in any way nor do I create any confrontations. I just hold my head high and show them that even if they choose to shun me, I don't care anymore because they have no power over me. It's their loss, not mine. Surprisingly, most JWs are very nice and accepting to me at these things, including most of my family. It's my chance to show them that I'm not "mentally diseased" simply because I no longer follow their beliefs.
It's stil not a walk in the park, of course. As I mentioned on another thread, I wept through my nephew's wedding reception because of that profound sense of loss, the anger at what the Society stole from me and my daughters. But overall it feels good to have reached the point where I can attend these things without fear. If I choose not to attend, it's simply because I don't enjoy being around all those JWs, as we have very little in common. When I do choose to attend, my attitude is: accept me as I am because I'm worth it.
