Yesterday was my Son's 21st Birthday

by 00DAD 69 Replies latest jw experiences

  • 00DAD

    Yesterday was my oldest son's 21st birthday.

    As many of you know, I've been disfellowshipped for over 3 years now. In the spring of this year I did write to the local BOE and request my disfellowshipping be rescinded. It was summarily denied. (So much for Luke 15:11-32).

    In the last 3 years I have only had one short conversation with my son and that was about 2 years ago. I regularly send him cards, short notes or the occasional gift just to try to let him know that I'm thinking about him, care about him and still love him. I never get a response. I try to remain patient and optimistic, but it's hard, ... damn hard. I have not abandoned him; he has abandoned me.

    Articles like the second study article in the April 15th, 2012 WT certainly don't help. But I digress ...

    For many years now my son and I have said that on his 21st birthday we would enjoy a glass of fine single malt scotch together. Obviously that wasn't going to happen under the current circumstances so I did what I thought was the next best thing. I bought him a bottle of 12 year old Bunnahabhain and had it FedEx-ed to him. I put in a simple note of only three words, " Sláinte, love Dad ". (Sláinte means "to your health" in Gaelic).

    He refused it and the package was returned to me by FedEx unopened.

    I am accumulating a growing pile of returned gifts and letters from my son. It is very depressing ...


  • tornapart

    I sent you a pm earlier 00DAD.. hope you find it

  • baltar447

    Really sad bro. My dad doesn't talk much to me anyway and even less since he found out we quit going. I can't imagine being treated that way by your son. It's a sick twisted little cult and I hope they get what's coming to them.

  • King Solomon
    King Solomon

    00Dad, of course you are aware that JWs don't celebrate birthdays, right? Really now: what were you expecting him to do?

    I was never baptized, but I would NEVER dare send a gift to a JW on their birthday: it fundamentally disrespects their religious belief, esp if from someone who was DF'ed and knows its a violation of the rules.... He sees that as an attempt to weaken his faith, which I dare say you'll admit that it is....

    If you're trying to send the message that you'll always be there for him unconditionally, then mean it.... That would include doing it in a manner that doesnt ask him to compromise everything that he values (ie that birthday gift with a big condition attached).

  • DesirousOfChange


    Just plan to be there when his eyes become opened.

    Twenty-one is still very young and very inexperienced.

    67% of "born-ins" leave already. If WTS continues on its current course, that number will rise.

    You'll have a lot of lost time to make up.


  • 00DAD

    tornapart, Got it and back at you! Thanks.

    baltar447: It's a sick twisted little cult and I hope they get what's coming to them

    Agreed and it couldn't be soon enough for me.

    King Solomon, I think understand why you wrote what you wrote, but you must not have read my OP very carefully. Or at the very least you didn't understand the significance of the fact that MY SON AND I HAVE BEEN PLANNING TO HAVE A DRINK TOGETHER ON HIS 21st BIRTHDAY FOR ABOUT 9 OR 10 YEARS. (Consider the context).

    DOC: Thanks for the encouraging words. I'm aware the 2/3rds of all "Born-in JWs" leave. It helps me remain optimistic, if not overly hopeful. As for being there for him when his "his eyes become opened", that is my plan and I'm sticking to it. This was in fact PART of that plan.His response was expected, but nonetheless disappointing.

    Still, no matter what, he can never say that I didn't continue to try and reach out to him. I am here for him now. We live walking distance from each other. In fact I have ALWAYS been here for him even if he has rebuffed by efforts.

  • sabastious
  • 00DAD

    Thanks Sab!

  • wannabefree

    So sad for you 00DAD.

    For whatever its worth, he thinks that being tough with you is the best way to show his love, don't forget that.

    Deprive someone long enough of those they love and they will come back to God's Organization to get what they are missing.

    Hold on to that Scotch, some day you and your son may have a good laugh/cry over it.

  • fakesmile

    aw, man. that is heart wrenching. i lost my father recently. so much was not righted. dont give up.

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