Have faded and now crossed another JW line. What should I expect ?

by av8orntexas 21 Replies latest social relationships

  • av8orntexas
    av8orntexas

    Well. My story,which I dodn't think I ever really told on here is I faded arounf 07-09. I went from an english congregation to a spanish one.

    That was met by pretty strong opposition from my mother,who for a while tried to force me ( a grown man mind you ) to read the watchtower lesson with her when she would visit,the daily text over the phone when she called, or other asinine things that is expected of the rank and file. Especially men.

    The few friends who do know I have fallen away. Well we no longer do anything together. One...who I considered my best friend no longer calls,nor do we go out or am I called to hang out. Funny thing is,despite that, the last time we met up and spoke ( all on the basis that I would go to a meeting and think of coming back ) he pretty much knew everything going on in my life ( all due to 'watching' my FB page. He never sends a message,or posts on his own page. Ever. ) That said. I have little contact with most. A few brief words with the ones who work at my company. But nothing more.

    Well........I have met someone. We've been friends for 5 years now. I met her through a friend I played football with. His brother played football at UTEP and on a visit to El Paso we met and have kept touch over the years. Recently the contact increased and visits pursued.

    I'm going to meet her parents on the 4th out in El Paso. I'm trying to set up something where she can visit my mom with me.

    I told my mom about her last Friday. She didn't like it,but seemed ok with it. I guess she either marinated on what I told her or told someone about it. Because after last weekend she blew my phone up non-stop all week last week. Texting me scriptures. Calling me. Leaving voicemails,leaving messsages about staying clean, away from the world,guilting me on her relationship with my stepdad who is now deceased and was a very bad husband/father/man. Sorry to say, but he was. Nevertheless, my mother is bent on changing my mind,or whatever to get me to see the 'ways of jehovah.'.

    Then on top of it all....she is Catholic. OH THE HORROR ! THE HORROR !!!!

    She is a beautiful woman. She's smart. Stable. We've both been with our current jobs for about 10.5 years. She's pursuing her MBA. Like myself,she's neither married,nor has kids. She would like kids one day. She very much believes in marriage forever. Like myself.....she doesn't practice her religion like it is expected of her. She did mention getting married in the catholic church is big to her and raising her kids as catholics is important to her,even though she doesn't go herself. Though she said she won't push me to become one.

    Her cousin is a dub, who left and married a catholic guy. Though she is not close to them. She said when they were younger their JW family pretty looked down on them and had nothing to do with them. I guess this is where my

    The first time we met...I had an interest...but let my fear of what the dubs think shut that down. Thankfully she never held that against me. Now.....I could care less.

    The funny thing is she said her mom just wants grandkids. She said her mom put her head down ( but said nothing ) when she told her I was a witness. But her eyes lit up when she told her I too would like kids oneday,Hahahahaha. I've met her sister and a few friends. Very nice . Really welcoming. Never pushed me becoming a catholic and as friendly as could be for some scary worldy people.

    But what should I expect from my mom ? Anyone going through or been through this ? How did you get your parents to come around. If ever ??? I fully expect a few of my FB 'friends' to drop me like the plague and act if I announced my engagement to Satan himself. But my mom....in the last few years she seems to have taken a turn towards being an UBER witness. So I'm trying to sell it to her.

  • mrsjones5
    mrsjones5

    If she doesn't take the sell what are you going to do?

    My mother hated my husband from the beginning. She got it in her mind that my husband is the reason why I'm not a jw something that is not even close to the truth. From the start my mother has bad talked my husband and it only intensified after we married. She was not happy for me whe I became pregnant. With each following pregnancy all I got was distaste from her. I had hoped she would soften after the children got here but whatever softening there was quickly went away when the kids were no longer babies.

    At first I let my mother have an affect on my marriage. My hubby and I got in horrible fights over my mother until it clicked that to save my marriage I had to pick my man over my mother. Anything less and I wouldn't have a marriage. My mother still tries even though my hubby and I will have been married 20 years come December.

    I wish you good luck and I hope you and your mother can work it out but please if you are serious and marry your lady remember your lady comes first.

  • jwfacts
    jwfacts

    Thanks for your story. It is good you have found someone so compatible.

    There is not much you can do about your mother. When they are that Uber, reasoning with her is pointless. However, it sounds to me that you are being too submissive, which is just making things harder. As you said, you are a grown man, so why not refuse to let her read you the text etc. I would be telling her Ido not believe it and not to discuss it again. I guess you are afraid she will shun you.

  • baltar447
    baltar447

    Just to add one thing. I'd be very cautious about raising children in a spouses religion. I'd suggest that kids be allowed to choose once they are older. Infant baptism just makes me ill. That's my 0.02 but other than that happy for you that you found someone that you click with. Good luck.

  • Billy the Ex-Bethelite
    Billy the Ex-Bethelite

    "...after last weekend she blew my phone up non-stop all week last week. Texting me scriptures. Calling me. Leaving voicemails,leaving messsages about staying clean, away from the world,guilting me on her relationship with my stepdad.... my mother is bent on changing my mind,or whatever to get me to see the 'ways of jehovah.'"

    What to expect from your mom? You can expect more of the same.

    Don't let her opinions and cult-mindedness affect your judgment. Use your own good judgment and the observations of your new friends to help you decide if this is the right lady for you.

  • shamus100
    shamus100

    Are you still a witness? You told her mother you were.

  • JWdaughter
    JWdaughter

    I think if you don't want your fade to disintegrate into a DF situtation, you should have a ceremony outside of the RC church, even if a priest presides legally over the ceremony. If she/her family want a RC mass or 'religious' ceremony, do it privately, separately. I don't think that merely marrying a non-JW is a DF offence, but the church bit might be a deal breaker.

  • jemba
    jemba

    Congratulations and all the success to you and your new lady.

    Yes, I too have uber JW parents who dont like my fading but we are adults now, bad luck if they dont like our choices, it may hurt them at first but they have to live with it.

    Like Mrs Jones we dont get much affection from our parents for our 2 kids because we are 'raising them wrong'.

    We also get a bit of shunning from our JW family and none of our JW friends speak to us anymore.

    Blame it on small minded cult thinking and move on.

    Enjoy your new life- you deserve it after years of brainwashing.

  • JWdaughter
    JWdaughter

    I'm sorry, forgot to say-Congratulations on meeting a good lady and future wife. I hope you are very happy together. Your mom will always be difficult-just love her and respect her in the good things and try to let the rest roll off your back. She has good stuff, try to emphasize those aspects.

    As to her preaching at your wife to be, I'd suggest you tell your mom that she is very sensitive about (all) reliigon and you don't want to push anything on her which will drive her from God. Just tell your mom that if she is kind and loving, then the good qualities of her faith will be evident and make your future wife feel positive about people who call themselves JW's. That gives your mom incentive to just be nice and not pushy.

    Theoretically:)

  • Fernando
    Fernando

    Hey av8orntexas!

    Congratulations on a constructive relationship. I pray you are both blessed in many ways.


    If the opportunity ever presents maybe you could ask your mom to answer these questions in writing for your "JW friend who is struggling with doubts":

    1. What percentage of the Bible's references to the "good news" are by Paul?
    2. Should "publishers of the good news" believe, teach, yield to, and obey the "good news" according to Paul, Moses, Isaiah, and Psalms?
    3. If they do not, are they apostate?
    4. Is "legalism" apostasy?
    5. Is replicating the "experiment that failed" apostasy?

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