So you think you were a True Witness?

by FaithfulBrother 37 Replies latest jw friends

  • nugget

    your childhood sounds awful and abusive. It is little wonder you are struggling now but life can be better and so much more than you are living now. Because of your difficult childhood professional exit counselling may be needed to help you come to terms with what happened but more importantly to move on from it. You are still controlled by the society allowing their view of your decisions to colour youir own self esteem. If Armageddon is coming then why bother? Better to be passed out when judgement hits and then you won't feel a thing.

    But what if there was no Armageddon coming then better to get your life together and make something of it. Don't give any more time and energy to a corporation by allowing their ethos to rule your decisions. Read the books suggested Captives of a Concept is also a good read. They help you to see the organisation for what it is and break free totally from it.

    You have made some brave decisions in your life and deserve to be happy. Leaving the organisation is more than no longer attending the meetings and reading the mind numbing rubbish they promote. True freedom is also mental freedom, thinking for yourself and knowing that their ideas are no longer lurking in the back of your mind.

  • cantleave

    Sounds like my childhood.

    Part of my "training" was to sit still on dining room chairs for 2 hours, when I was very small - so that I would sit still at meetings.

  • Juan Viejo2
    Juan Viejo2

    Faithful Brother:

    My childhood was structured very much like yours and had a very similar level of commitment. At the same time, I have to admit it wasn't quite as severe as yours. The rules were a little different back in the 1950s-60s. But, just as it is now, Armageddon was just around the corner in 1953 and 1958 - at least that's what Bros. Knorr and Franz told us at the big New York International Conventions. And we believed them. Yes, we did...

    The first thing you need to do is get some serious medical treatment for your depression and dependence on alcohol.

    Forget about the JWs and the Watchtower. They had nothing for you then and they have even less for you now. Stay as far away from them as you can get and concentrate only on your health. Limit your exposure to any of their poison.

    I never expected to see the age of 30 when I left the Organization in the mid-1960s. Now I'm just a few months short of 70 and know without a doubt that there will be no "Armageddon" in my lifetime - or during my grandchildren's lifetimes. Mt. Hood may blow its top, or a great Pacific Rim earthquake may come and take my life - but I know that it won't be "Armageddon."

    I live every day with the singular joy of knowing that I am a critic - not a member - of the Watchtower cult and that none of my children or grandchildren are connected in any way to the Jehovah's Witnesses. Because I left the Witnesses in the mid-1960s all of my descendants are not and will not be Jehovah's Witnesses. They all live happy, financially secure, and healthy lives. I can only imagine the damage that could have been done to them if I had given in to my JW wife's demands that I repent and return to the "Truth."

    You were fortunate that you never allowed yourself to be baptized. Those of us who were raised by "true believer" JW parents like I was - and my childhood friend, author Dick Kelly (Growing up in Mama's Club and Ghosts of Mama's Club) - know what it was like having to go to school, work a job, go to meetings three nights a week, and put in 10-20 "real" hours of door-to-door service each month.

    But we survived once we got out. We have healthy, sane, and interesting lives - doing what we want to do, no longer bound to a boring existence as slaves of the "The Slave." TM


  • Phizzy

    @Cantleave, That's why you are such a fidget-arse now, you've rebelled against the Nazi training !

  • notjustyet


    Combatting Cult Mind Control by Steve Hassan, ( needs repeating) is a great place to start, read it 2 times with a week or 2 in between and then head into Crisis of Conscience by Raymond Franz and then you will be well on your way to clearing your mind of the phobias that were placed into your thought processes to controil you. Those phobias are still working on you somewhat.

    Thanks for having the courage to break some of these phobias and to seek help and ask questions here.

    Remember, Armageddon is a word printed on a piece of paper using ink, and that's all it is.

    Hope the best for you!!


  • gubberningbody

    No. You never were a faithful witness.

    You never had faith to begin with, you were just being obedient to your parents and now you're in rebellion mode.

    You need to find something to put faith in and move from there, but your past has no responsibility for your present.

    We all need to understand this.

    If you're unhappy, it's because of choices YOU are making right now, not because some corporation influenced your family.

  • gubberningbody

    Oh, and you don't need to read any books by any alternative de-culting cult like Hassan's to get over it and move on.

  • designs

    FB- Try a few suppport groups, you don't have to belong to them but they can help you deal with your past and your present issues. My mother got our family involved when my brother and I were just entering our teens, she had been inactive for many years. My Presiding Overseer and Assistant O. got me involved in alcohol at 15 and I spent the next 35 years heavily addicted. There is help and there is hope.

  • still thinking
    still thinking


    I felt so sad reading your story. My partner was not a JW, but was raised in a very religious home. A home that made god and armageddon a priority. Ironically, they got involved with a few different cults and cult like people. One couple who, as it happens, turned out to be ex JW's who saw the methodology and thought they'd control people themselves. They were very good at it.

    Of course when he met me, I was studying my way into a cult and came from an alcoholic home...we had a lot in common.

    Anyway, my point is. He grew up feeling that the end was always near. He was always preparing for the worst. Every news report, any email or letter received from his parents would be enough to put him on high alert. The cupboards would be stocked and adrenilin would flow.

    He is a recovering alcoholic. And has been sober for the last 3 years. I am convinced that aside from the hereditary factors of the disease, living in constant dread played a huge part in his alcoholism. He himself has said, just as you have, whats the point? I'm not going to be here long, and he is probably doomed anyway. I was with him when the drinking became out of control...and the suicide feelings emerged....and those drunken days of 'happiness'....they weren't real. He got to the point where he couldn't even convince himself that drinking solved his problems.

    He has since been in recovery, found fellowship and support in AA meetings and discovered that he does have a future and is now planning ahead and planning on growing old with me instead of drinking himself into oblivion.

    I can't stress enough what a benefit councelling, AA and other supports networks are. Finding one that suits, where you feel you fit in is vital. AA is non judgemental and you would be surprised how much you connect with others on a personal level. Even if they have different backgrounds. You will hear your story coming from the mouth of others and leave every meeting in awe. Unable to comprehend that other people can and do feel exactly the same way as you.

    For what its worth...that nagging voice is the hardest thing to get rid of. My partner no longer believes that armageddon is on it's way. But I still see an inkling of despair when he has contact with his parents or receives and email about end times. Old habbits are hard to break. But at least they don't dominate his every waking hour any more. They are manageable. There is hope, you can get through this. And you can do it with help. The only thing you have to do is go get it. You have made a start by sharing your thoughts here...that is commendable. But there is nothing like being in a room full of people who understand and share your emotions with you. And there is nothing like a councellor that seems to read your thoughts and pushes you to be the person they know you can be.

    My heart goes out to you...I understand your struggle.

  • Aussie Oz
    Aussie Oz

    So are you going to stay with the victim mentality and drink yourself to an early grave or pull your socks up, realize a lot had it worse and get some self respect?

    So you had a shitty childhood. It could have been worse too. You are an adult and can steer your life anyway you want...why circle the drain? All you are doing is providing JWs with proof that those who leave are miserable, unhappy and can't make it.

    You owe it to your self to prove them wrong, every day you choose to drink away the misery you are in their power still.

    get some help.

    no apologies for being tough, starting a post to all with 'fuck you' doesn't gain you much sympathy. We were all fed a diet of Armageddon round the corner, me from 1972 on. I left believing i was doomed to die soon at the big A, but chose not to go self destruct. You can too.


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