So you think you were a True Witness?

by FaithfulBrother 37 Replies latest jw friends

  • FaithfulBrother

    Fuck you.

    I was raised in a JW family in the 1980's-1990's where we had to do the Daily Text 7 days a week during breakfast at the family table at 7AM sharp between 7:00-7:15AM. This was followed by a "Spiritual Discussion," which was held every morning between 7:15AM and 8:00AM.

    Since we were homeschooled, our weekly field service was required from childhood on Friday mornings immediately following the Spiritual Discussion, followed by Saturday afternoon field service after the bookstudy, as well as Sunday afternoon field service after the Watchtower Study.

    I was also required to read each Watchtower and Awake magazine and give oral reports about each magazine I read in order for my father to be sure that I had actually read them. I can't remember for sure, but I think each Watchtower and Awake was released every two weeks back then, making a new magazine to read every single week, followed by an oral report on every single article (including the Watchtower study articles which I also had to read, then study in our weekly family Watchtower study where we marked our answers, then studied again at the Sunday Watchtower study).

    In addition to this, we also had a weekly family bible study at night each week, had a family bookstudy at night in which we marked our answers for the Saturday morning bookstudy, had a family Watchtower study at night where we marked our answers for the Sunday morning Watchtower study, had a family prayer together every night before bed, every morning before and after breakfast and every night before and after dinner (not including our half-family prayers for lunch by my mother since we were homeschooled.)

    Well after all this, you might think I would have become a happily functioning Jehovah's Witness today. However, unlike 99% of my peers who got baptized between the ages of 10 and 13, I was never baptized, despite the constant nagging of my JW relatives throughout my childhood.
    Instead, I moved 1500 miles away from my home at the age of 18 (since I was threatened by the constant "as long as you live under my roof" threat), but I have been struggling with depression, suicidal thoughts, and drug and alcohol abuse ever since.

    My drug of choice at this point is alcohol.

    I was brought up with the world view that Armageddon is right around the corner... every year, every month, every day.

    For some strange reason, I still have this nagging voice in the back of my head that this system is not going to last long enough for me to grow old in this system. So I choose to drink. I choose to live the last remaining days knowing that I am doomed to everlasting destruction, but my last days will be filled with drunken semi-happiness rather than being a miserable slave to a corporation in exchange for salvation.

  • Jeffro

    With a start like that, you make it difficult for others to be sympathetic.

    Lay off the booze.

    It gets better.

  • milola

    WOW! I would call your childhood freakishly abusive. At least it is over now. So yeah...lay off the booze, get a job, get some hobbies, and make some new friends. The end is NOT right around the corner unless you drink and drug yourself to an early death. Get some professional counseling for the depression. Like I say you were in an abusive home and need help dealing with its repercussions.

  • mrsjones5

    A lot of us was raised the same way (I'm one of the semi lucky ones, my parents were spiritually weak during much of my formative years. Regrettably they have gotten ├╝ber dub in their golden years) and we totally get where you're at. We recognize the anger.

    You need to put the bottle down.

  • sd-7

    Hey...that's terrible. The nightmare doesn't have to continue. Self-destruction won't make the pain go away; knowledge is going to be the greatest healer for those old wounds. Once you know it wasn't real, you can probably sort through all those terrible feelings and see your way ahead again.

    I hope you come to see before it's too late that there is a life for you now, more than ever before. You just have to start unraveling all that crap they shoveled at you. It's not worth it to stay screwed up over those bozos.

    Of course, I wasn't a true Witness. I was raised in a more normal household, though still JW-controlled. You were in a pretty hardcore situation. I hope there's a way for you to find peace again. I really do. Recommend you read 'Combatting Cult Mind Control' by Steve Hassan and 'Crisis of Conscience' by the late Raymond Franz. I think that'll part at least some of those clouds for you.

    You deserve better in life than what you suffered through. I hope you find it.


  • FaithfulBrother

    Sorry Jeffro. "Fuck You" are the only two words that come to my mind when I think about my childhood.

    Thanks Milola, I still work for my JW father, who is interestly coming to the conclusion now finally in 2012 that his JW masters were wrong about 1914. What a fuckin' epiphany, now that mine and my whole sister's life has been based on this lie. Maybe one day he'll be able to admit what he did basically screwed our minds up.

    Thanks MrsJones but it's really hard to put the bottle down when your entire life was controlled by something (every thought, every movement) and the only thing that gives you freedom is the bottle.

    Thanks sd-7, I don't think anyone can understand substance abuse except someone who's gone through it. Maybe you've never experienced it but you speak as though you are sympathetic.
    I will check those books out.

  • mrsjones5

    Some of us may not understand substance abuse but I know there are a few that can relate. We got all kinds here (I'm a non baptized born in just like you) and I'm sure there's a few who can relate to what you're saying and going through.

    You're not alone.

  • Phizzy

    Hi FB, and welcome (bit late I know) , I was a born in , but never forced to do days text or study, it was a rather laid back household as far as that was concerned.

    My siblings chose to be good dubbies and did all the pioneering and studying, I was, and now I am more so, the black sheep of the family.

    I can relate to the depression and the over use of alcohol though, the childhood I had, just being a JW, has left its mark on me.

    Tomorrow I start therapy, I don't know if it will help, but I have lost nothing if it does not, I advise you get all the professional help and therapy that you can, it can only help.

  • Dold Agenda
    Dold Agenda

    Thanks for that... and that my parents let me have a little more normal life in sweden.

    So u are drinking, i can relate to that and understand why.
    (i was a hevely drinker myself when i realised that my whole 25 first years was only a total long lie and mostly a waste)

    Anyhow.. alcohol it's not good in the longtime... i know for sure that it is hard, but try to stay away from it every day.
    Try to limit it to one day first maybe? Friday evening?

  • transhuman68

    Yeah, that sounds like an awful childhood. What you have to realize is that not only the information you studied was wrong, but also the feelings, emotions and motives of your family in constantly keeping busy in Witness activity was wrong.Try to do positive things for yourself- research the Witness beliefs, find out what the Bible is worth as a guide to your life (not much!) and get some therapy or councelling ( maybe group therapy with CoDa) and don't let your past ruin the present or your future. Alcohol is a dead end- believe me (and yes. I have been locked up for it- I know what I'm saying, lol.)

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