by Captain Obvious 62 Replies latest jw friends
Welcome to both Captain Obvious and Trutherkid!
You are on a spiritual journey. For your wife too, your journey presents the unknown and lifechanging for her too. Depending on her need for stability, she may gravitate towards the known "Truth," rather then the unknown you have/will become.
Do you have children yet? Better not think of it until you two figure ut where each of you are going.
Skeeter
Welcome!
Go slowly with her.
Look at this from her point of view. All she has known from infancy is that this religion is "the truth". JWs are "in the truth". Everyone else is deceived by Satan. Everyone else is about to be wiped out at Armageddon. She married "in the truth." Her husband gets bothered by something and starts investigating. She prays for him and expects his doubts to be cleared up, but in response to a question he suddenly announces that everything she believes in, everything she's relying on, is all BS. Her whole secure world is falling apart.
What's her first thought? Call the elders, right? They are the spiritually mature ones. Surely, they can come straighten hubby out.
Any reference to Crisis of Conscience, Captives of a Concept, or any other "apostate literature" is likely to freak her out.
My suggestion would be instead to stick to original Watchtower publications and focus on one thing. Pick one old WT book and ask her to read through it with you -- maybe Russell's Studies in the Scriptures 3 with its clearly incorrect date system and all its "confirming" pyramid measurements, or Millions Now Living Will Never Die with its "proof" that the patriarchs would be resurrected in 1925. Maybe let her pick which book to read through with you. Point out that it's a Watchtower publication, not apostate literature. If she's hesitant to read it and tells you it's "old light", you might just say, "This was published by the Watchtower Society. It's part of the meat in due season from the faithful and discreet slave. I'm not going to tell you what to think of it. I would just like for us to read this together at home." DON'T tell her what's in it. DON'T give her your conclusions. Just have her read it aloud at home and comment on what she's learning.
Listen to hear what she's thinking and feeling. Don't assume her reaction will be the same as yours.
If she gets upset and wants to stop, don't press it like a prosecuting attorney. Just stop. Don't nag her about the need to face the truth. She will need to process it her own way.
Hi Captain Obvious. Can relate to your story quite a bit. One thing you've got on your side is your age - your are fortunate to have awoken while you're still young. That is a huge benefit/advantage.
Well, my wife has never given me the you're-a-monster/hysterical-crying reaction, but she basically feels like she is trapped: all the family is in the truth, are lives are quite physically and financially entwined with the family, and she isn't willing to give it up. Plus, the warm fuzzies from the "hope" is like a drug. So on occasion she gives me the where-do-you-want-to-go-with-this look.
I would lay off any doctrinal issues unless your wife raises them. Forthr time being, I would reassure her of your love CONSTANLY, and look for activities to keep yourselves busy outside of the org. Take some long vacations if you can afford it. Do weekend getaways. Get involved in volunteer/charity work for a REAL charity. Do things that will expand your wife's worldview and start her thinking.
Good luck!
Welcome!
Hello Captain Obvious,
I'm in almost the exact same situation as you, although I am now inactive for almost a year.
If you want to you can read my story, it will feel good for you to know there are many like you.
I don't have any advice on how to approach your wife.. I haven't been able to convince her either. Every time I try to it ends with emotional blackmail and crying on her part.
I do have advice for you. Stop going to the meetings and into FS right now. Inactivate! It's the best thing I've ever done in my life.
Here's my story: http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/jw/experiences/197392/1/Studying-my-faith-away
BTW, you're not from belgium are you?
Welcome Captain Obvious! My husband had to wait about 10 years before my own lightbulb started to flicker into life. Had he thrust his new discoveries upon me at the time, the mental shutters would have come down and stayed firmly in place, I think. Your wife will be scared; her assumptions about your future salvation together as a couple turned upside down. Be patient, choose your moments and know when to back off.
Welcome to JWN.
Bangalore
Ay ay, Cap'n! Lol, welcome. This is why this website continues to be relevant, even after all these years. I wonder how many have been "baptised" on JWN?
I feel for your situation. Hang in there, patience is key. I learned that the hard way.
Welcome to the forum. I think evreyone else has said what I could say. I was lucky my wife followed me very quickly, despite the initial shock. Until yours wakes up all you can do is keep showing her that you still love her and want what is best for her.
Hi Captain and Trutherkid! Welcome!
