Why Elders leave the Organization and why their Wives stay.

by stuckinamovement 72 Replies latest jw friends

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  sickandtired

  I wish my husband was one of those elders:( Right now I am playing along and doing what an elder's wife should. My husband discovered I was on this website because stupid me forget to close the browser window. He questioned me and I was truthful about my feelings about "the truth". He of course said I should talk to other elders since he felt it was beyond him to help me. I cried and expressed to him that I had a change of heart after reading some WT articles on apostacy. He said he would not make me talk to the elders since I said I had a change of heart. I really did try to stay away from this website and change my thinking, but the doubts just kept resurfacing (I couldn't unlearn everything I had learned about "the truth" at that point). I've found myself reading on here more than ever.

  I'm not attached to anyone in this religion and would readily leave it all behind if my husband would (he told me, "I'll never leave Jehovah"). I've never been a really social person (my best friend is my hubby) and only really care about keeping my own family intact. My mom is the other problem. She is UBER JW and I really feel like she would have a massive coronary if I ever left. So, here I sit. I'm stuck and trying to make the best of it. In the meantime, I question everything - including the existence of Jehovah himself. Something's gotta give.
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  Greybeard

  Hi sister sickandtired,

  We undrstand how you feel. It is not easy. If you ever get a chance, check out jwstruggle.com
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  LongHairGal

  Greybeard:

  I get the same sense you have about some of those who are former elders in the religion viewing themselves as different from the rest who were not. I wasn't impressed by their title when I was IN the religion, so why would it matter here? And I don't mean it as a "slam" either.

  It is just that I don't want to see "hierarchies" of ex-JWs (give me a break, please). We are all here because we wanted out of the religion.
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  No Room For George

  (((((((((((sickandtired))))))))))))))
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  Billy the Ex-Bethelite

  s&t, "Something's gotta give."

  Take the time to think and plan. And remember to close the browser window when you're done.
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  OnTheWayOut

  This is a subject so near and dear to me. I won't disagree with the opening post because it makes good points. But every individual can have altered circumstances.

  My wife is all about being a social JW, where I didn't care to hang out with other JW's, only doing so for my wife.

  I did research for talks where my wife became a last minute underliner, something I also did when my responibilities lied elsewhere. I did see more of the changes directly via letters and C.O. communication.

  My thoughts could mirror Phizzy's on page 1.
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  exwhyzee

  There may be several reasons why an elders wife remains after he leaves. Three that I can think of are....

  1. He has seen first hand,over an extended period of time, the inside dealings of the organization. Heard the problems, seen the personality clashes, dealt with the power struggles and egos. Most or all of it, until now, he has had to keep silent about. It would be difficult to convey to her all the subleties and nuances of the conversations and the dealings he has been part of over the years and expect it to have the same impact on her.

  2. She has enjoyed the status of being an Elders wife and because of this has had a good share of attention and has been able to make friends and be a bit more popular than the "plain" JW. It might be hard for her to just leave because her husband is burned out. Maybe he'll come back, she hopes. In the meantime she may get to enjoy playing the part of the long suffering Martyr.

  3. When you look around the KHall in general, there seems to be a larger proportion of Women with unbelieving mates than there are Men with unbelieving mates anyway. That tendancy already exists. I think Women are more inclined to want to be part of a community and may allow untolerable circumstances to continue because of that desire, than men are. (I'm generalizing here) Women gather together and commiserate with one another ...Men tend to be loners and want to handle things themselves.
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  stuckinamovement

  Good points exwhyzee

  Siam
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  PaintedToeNail

  sickandtired-You sound like you have been peeking inside my head. Your words exactly describe my position, down to your feelings about your mother. Do you end up using the incognito browser like I do? My hubby wants me to get help from the elders because he feels it is beyond him to help me too! I don't particularly feel like I need that kind of help. Here's to hoping you find peace and happiness in your life!

  PTN
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  wasastar

  My wife and I were both baptized nearly 35 years ago. I would say that after a few years I began to be the driving force in our "spiritual progress". Eventually I became an elder and she was a regular pioneer. I think that I continually impressed upon my family the rightfullness of the "TRUTH". When my sister was disfellowshipped I refused to see her or let my children associate with her children. Now after all these years of encouraging them to believe in God's orginization they are supposed to forget everything I taught them and and believe it was a lie. Is it any wonder that there are some subjects that we just can't discuss. I don't blame them. I blame me.

  wasastar