Why Elders leave the Organization and why their Wives stay. (page 2)

Billy the Ex-Bethelite

Interesting analysis. If my mom wasn't stubborn about the religion, I think my dad would be ready to leave it.

Maybe a woman's social life in the Borg keeps her there. I may have a prejudice but I find that many men in the Borg, don't care as much and readily find new friends. My husband and I left about the same time so I can't really say I experienced this personally. But I figure there is time for anyone to see the light about the Borg and find the power to leave. It rarely is a win-win situation. You have to give up a great deal to leave, but then you find a life that you control.

Crisis of Conscience

SIAM, you hit the bullseye with this one. There are aspects of the org a woman will never experience, NEVER. She can only hear and talk about it, perhaps because of what her husband relayed to her.

While that has softened my wife's stance towards my feelings, she still feels this is the truth and is struggling to do the "right thing".

Anything I've said to her about my experiences has brought her to think, and often agree, but not enough to cause her to leave "the truth".

I can only be hopeful for the future. At least my wife is pretty laid back, which has made it better for me.

Either way, thanks for a great thread.

CoC

scotoma

Blondie:

You hit the nail on the head. As much as I appreciate SIAMS statement of the situation it is WAY too self-angrandizing and convoluted. Elders are just "busy". The women hold organizations together. Women are more social and all organizations give women a place to socialize. If you look around you will see more women than men at the hall.

Men are just noise in the machinery. You have to keep them busy and away from the women so that women are able to do the real work. The women in the oranization are the primary workers. They are the most effective at the door. They make the most intelligent comments at the meetings. And they probably put more hours into helping other members in a personal way than the elders. The women prepare their little parts on the meeting better than the men and make their parts more interesting. Women are capable of working for the intrinsic rewards. Men need the praise of others - mostly women.

The men that leave are usually the more creative capable ones who no longer feel like doing the SOS over and over. The dumb, conventional men stay in because their little positions are challenging to their limited abilities.

JW's are not too different from any male dominated organization. Angry men and the women who love them.

punkofnice

Blimey SIAM....did I write this in my sleep? It's my life you're describing!

just Ron

2. Possible, is she might have lots of friends, who are good to her, and she does not want to lose them.

I think this is the main reason why they stay even after knowing it's not the truth. They now know that their is no truth and what else is their to do. Why find new freinds when you like the old ones or have to give them up because you no longer belive .

Ron

stuckinamovement

Blondie and Just Ron, you make good points. The social relationships wives have within the organization are an important factor also.

SIAM

NVR2L8

I agree with Blondie...I had a social life outside the org...I am very social and I make friends easily. Leaving the KHall "friends" did not scare me at all. When some started noticing that I was no longer at the meetings, they said I was no longer welcomed to our weekly hockey game...so within a day or two I found a spot on 2 other teams where I am accepted regardless of my religious beliefs...as long as I pay for my ice time. I go out with them for beers after the game and I realized that they like me for who I am and not because they have to because I go to the same KHall....

My wife's social life is all about the congregation "friends"...she couldn't defend her faith if her life depended on it after 45 years of "devine education"...but she is not willing to discuss any of the evidence that the "truth" is nothing but.

LongHairGal

SIAM:

It could be a combination of factors. Besides the fact that women might "hold back" a little and do some thinking when they find out the bad news about the religion, they might also value their contacts and associations within the religion, hence they might stay.

With men, I think a man might be less likely to "hold back" when he hears the bad news about the religion and its history and he might possibly get into a "heated" discussion with another JW or make a scene. Of course, this all depends on his "status" in the religion and his circumstances and he might zip his lip and stay if he has a lot to lose, say family members or business contacts that would be pulled out from under him in a micro-second!

If he makes a scene and shoots off his mouth, he is burning his bridge behind him even if it is not practical for him to do so at that point. Burned bridges mean no more contacts or friends in the religion!

Why Elders leave the Organization and why their Wives stay.