I'd also like to chime in on this. Despite all the headship talk, the real truth is that most of the JW men are not taught how to lead, only follow. Many might think that as elders their leadership skills have been developed and they'd be experts at leading their family and more in touch with that supposed built-in taking-the-lead ability. But actually the opposite is the case.
Elders now are even more so told to be "yes men" and not really decisive. An elder of five or ten years even is constantly reminded to acquiesce first to specific society instructions and/or more experienced elders. Everyone here has seen the detailed letters that tell elders how to 'tie their own shoes.' The society treats its elders like retards. There's no leading - just following instructions - elders are just better followers - not leaders!
Believe it or not, for men, this actually has the effect of emasculating them over a period of time. Even the ones that have some natural leadership abilities, often times are "molded" into a subserviant corporate pawn. The higher up they climb, the more entrenched follower, not leader, they're likely to become.
Sometimes these guys become frustrated if they have a more normal wife that has her own opinions. They're so confused about the headship idea, they do the only thing they've been taught - lay down a bunch of rules to try and restrict her from being herself. That's OT though, but obviously everyone can guess how that turns out: Guy doesn't know how to lead, wife does more and more her own thing away from busy-busy-elder husband; elder husband gets frustrated, elder-husband lays down the law; wife says 'yeah right Mr. never here'; husband then lays down the hand - and now you have the JW headship circle circle of retardedness.
Now given, the above doesn't always happen, but the emasculation of men in the JWs and lack of any real leadership training hurts families and marriages. Mainly, because most JW elders don't realize what's happened to them and how utterly lacking they are in real family leadership abilities.
After a number of years of being in this state of mind, psychologically the wives aren't going to all the sudden pick up and follow their husband. They haven't followed him for years - they followed the men in NY, and that's their real husband. All the instructions, all the activity, family studies, service, and prayer together, etc. etc. Those were things that the husband didn't come up with- but the guys in NY did. They own all the ideas on family and marriage activity - right down to a couple's sex life. They're the ones that have been leading the couple.
So when a husband rejects the old fellows in NY - the wife's internal red flags kick in and there's a role shifting. Since she never saw the husband as the leader to begin with, she continues following the real man (men) of the house - the guys in NY. Oh sure, she might say she's following God - but we know whose faces she puts on God. 'Yeah, yeah, you're providing materially, but the guys in NY are going to give me a pet lion and a big ass mansion along with a fountain of youth. Can you top that?'
This might seem far-fetched, I realize that. But much has been written on loss of polarity in relationships and how in situations like these, wives can often replace their man with a spiritual figure not unlike the GB (although when it happens outside the JWs it is more likely to be an actual spirit being).
The control that the GB exerts is very powerful. It undermines the natural masculine role that many husbands would be otherwise easily fulfilling in their couple. And can we really blame the wives? For years we've been a puppet for the WT, and the men pulling the strings were really where her loyalty went. Just because we realized we don't need the strings doesn't mean she's going to see it that way.
The good news is there are plenty that are able to regain their role as a man of purpose. And that newfound journey of finding your true masculine personality and soul, can often initiate a change of heart and win her back. Watching a man finally lead his life and take it by the horns instead of being a religious company yes-man, often has the effect of energizing that polarity attraction aspect. It's not always easy after being trained for so long to be a corporate lap dog, nor is it easy to get her to change that perception of you even after you start to show your teeth. But it has been done, and what one man can do, so can another.
