Another day, another apostate. Here's my story.

by I Want to Believe 49 Replies latest jw experiences

  • time2keepmoving
    time2keepmoving

    I am in a similar predicament. At this stage, this is how I reason. Perhaps God has removed his spirit from the Organization. They might have had it, but now there's none going around. The reasons: 1) Becoming an NGO of the UN. By this they have sacrificed their neutrality. They might have resigned, but have they repented by following the necessary steps? 2) Putting the reputation of the Organization before the welfare of their children: Pedophiles call JWs "pedophile paradise"; 3) Sinning elders are not removed, if it looks like "they have Jehovah's blessing." This because there is a shortage of elders, etc., etc., etc

    Good points, that's whay I got out and plan to stay out. I miss my sibling who is still in, but I can't go back and co-sign on the foolishness! If I stay away, she got to know something is not right, because she knows ME as a person and if I'm determined to stay out, this will surely start her thinking!

    @ I want to believe - You have to be true to yourself! That's how they try to get you to stay in by blackmailing you with your family members. Don't compromise your own integrity. I'm sure you still have a love for God, find him and know you can still have a relationship with him, you don't need the W&TS for that. Whatever your decision is, own it. If you attempt to live a double life, you will only end up being frustrated and stressed to the point, where you going to end up walking away anyway.

  • Wishididntknow
    Wishididntknow

    Alaska!? Can you see Russia from your house too?

  • stillstuckcruz
    stillstuckcruz

    Welcome "I Want To Believe"! I know how difficult it can't be to completely let go of JWs because of my own situation, as can most of the others here. Have you given Crisis of Conscience a read? Or Steven Hassan's books? They are a great help if you still have any guilt or other negative feelings about leaving.

    Again....WELCOME!

  • Nice_Dream
    Nice_Dream

    Hello, and welcome! My story is similar to yours, I've been fading for a couple years and am still having a midlife crisis and I'm not even 30 yet.

    I hope your wife comes around. My husband took about a year after I stopped trying to talk to him about religion. I had initially bombarded him with all the exciting things I was learning, and he wasn't ready to hear it.

    Is your son in any activities? I'm not sure if you're still attending meetings, but perhaps you can start skipping some of them to do fun things together as a family. Register your son in some classes on Saturday morning to skip service, or go away for the weekend.

    And about wanting to believe, I think in time we figure out how to make sense of the world. It's a journey, and there are no easy answers, but what we find is ultimately our own truth which is liberating.

  • jamiebowers
    jamiebowers

    I sent the link for this thread to one of my ex-jw friends in Alaska via private message on Facebook. Hopefully she'll be contacting you soon via private message here on JWN. Let me know if you don't hear from her, because there are others in Alaska.

  • I Want to Believe
    I Want to Believe

    Thanks, jamiebowers! It would be nice to find others around here, since we're pretty isolated from the rest of the U.S.

  • flipper
    flipper

    BTTT, Peace out, Mr. Flipper

  • I Want to Believe
    I Want to Believe

    UPDATE: Well, I tore up my Blood Card yesterday. That's a milestone I guess. My wife is still struggling. I was supposed to have a TMS talk today and it set her off. She wanted to go back and have everything the way it was. She wished she could forget what she knows--the fight for her is much harder than it was for me. She keeps reading everything she can but she can't seem to let go of her safety net, which is tearing her apart. She can't talk to her family or friends, and isn't ready to find support in forums like this, so she's super stressed and depressed, and mad at me for shattering her dream.

    I've ordered one of Hassan's books that has been recommended here, and I hope it helps because I can see her mind stuck in a loop, twisting every which way to try and excuse the Society even as she accepts more and more evidence against them. I'm trying my best to be a comfort, but I'm not in the best place myself either (though you guys have been incredibly encouraging). I'm looking into counseling services provided through my job, and hope the insurance covers enough sessions to be helpful.

    Part of me just wants to move on, to bite the bullet and "come out" already; I'm honest to a fault, so it'll probably come to a head sooner rather than later anyway, and it would be nice to have some control over the timing and approach. But that's probably a bad idea. I just wish the whole organization would collapse. Wouldn't that be nice?

  • Billy the Ex-Bethelite
    Billy the Ex-Bethelite

    "I just wish the whole organization would collapse. Wouldn't that be nice?"

    Part of me really wishes it would just collapse. But I'm afraid that many of the sheeple, like my parents, would just fall apart... or get involved with an even crazier cult next.

    Part of the reason I decided to take my time fading, rather than go out with guns blazing, was because I realized that the world isn't ending tomorrow. I often felt impatient, but I'm also rather cunning. The time has allowed me to make very good plans for my future, keep contact with my family, and plant lots of seeds in the minds of JW acquaintances.

    Professional counselling has helped A LOT! Others have had to shop around before they found a psychologist they were comfortable with, but I clicked with the first one. Extremely beneficial. I think I'll start a thread on it...

  • garbonzo
    garbonzo

    For some reason it wont let me post a new thread, so I'll post my story here, because I want a backup. I was originally going to post it on another site, but I don't want to lose it, because it took me 2 - 3 hours typing it up. I am directing my story to active JWs, I think it would be an effective "apostate" speech, and would be delighted if you could use it, and tell me what responses you get with it. I would hate for it to be for nothing. It could probably use some clean up, as I typed it with 0 hrs sleep: The witnesses are very nice people for the most part. I'm sure there are "rogues" out there who have a bad temper, but the witnesses do a lot of good things in the world. So do many many other churches and religions. So do other organizations and individuals. Does that mean we should follow them without asking for evidence in their beliefs? I was born into the religion and was 100% devout on my way to Bethel. Unlike the lady in the article who apparantly never had any true love for "God", pretending to ring doorbells and such, I was firmly convinced this was "the truth". I was pretty much as far in as you can get. Funnily enough, it was the Witnesses' own teaching and encouragement that led me on the true "truth". This is not going to be a rant against witnesses filled with attacks against the religion, like many like to do on these articles, only my own story growing up a Witness, and my path can be taken by a member of any other religion, not only JWs. Anyway, I would read the examining the scriptures daily, well, daily, along with "personal study, personal study, personal study" DAILY. Attended all the meetings not missing one and get 50 hrs a month in field service. Carrying the microphones at the meetings and in great standing with the congregation. Before and after baptisim, they always say to "Make the truth your own." It's even a title of one of the songs in the songbook (not sure if its in the new one), interestingly enough, the once-brother who wrote that song (lyrics and music) along with "Make sure of the more important things", is now disfellowshipped under "apostasy", even though he was never an apostate like we were taught by the society. He never tried to sway people, or get people to join another religion, or hold up signs at the conventions, nothing at all like that, all he did was express concerns about the society. Whether you are a JW or not, its a very interesting read. Just look up "Make the truth your own" on Google, and its the 1st link after the Youtube videos. This was the letter he sent to his friends: " Dear ____, This week it will be announced that we are no longer Jehovah’s Witnesses. We owe you, our friends of many years, an explanation. We love and miss you deeply. We are not upset over the human imperfections of anyone, being fully aware of our own imperfections. True, we have been hurt on occasion, but who hasn’t. We are not disgruntled or bitter. Our withdrawal over the past two years is the product of over ten years of legitimate questioning and subsequent research, carried out prayerfully and objectively. We have not rushed to any of our conclusions. We have not left God, his Son or his Word. Jesus warns, and Paul counsels, that it is our obligation to carefully evaluate religious affiliations and teachings. Thus, we do not believe we are sinning against the Holy Spirit by evaluating the organization and its teachings in the light of the Scriptures and fact. Genuine truth stands up to such scrutiny. The organization does not. Those who have gone before us in making such an evaluation have been slandered and vilified by those loyal to the organization. We expect to be treated no differently. However, we hope that this brief explanation will leave you with some understanding of why, in good conscience, we can no longer support the organization. We are not driven by pride, as we are admitting the mistake of supporting, out of our own negligence and lack of information, for most of our lives, erroneous teachings, revisionist history, deception and unloving policies. We are willing to wait on Jehovah, and we continue to do so. However, it is clear to us that waiting on Jehovah is not the same thing as waiting on the organization. Shun us if you must, but please know that we will never judge you but will always accept you, love you and never forget you. Love, Frank and Barbara" Does that sound like the "evil apostates" we are taught about at meetings and in the Watchtower? =/ Nevertheless, I know what you JWs are saying, "It doesn't matter if they seem kind or nice, they still believe in things contrary to 'The Truth'!" Well, the point is, the society makes it out like Apostates are led by Satan who only want to take you away from "everlasting life". This is not the case with most so called "apostates". We only researched for ourselves the doctrines of JWs and religion in general. Tell me, why would a person in their right sane mind walk away from something seemingly so great as what the society promises without first REALLY MAKING SURE THAT WE ARE MAKING 100% THE RIGHT DECISION??? Why would we VOLUNTARILY say NO to everlasting life, and more importantly, pleasing the one who created us? It doesn't make sense that smart people would do that without a sound reason; and we most certainly do have sound and concrete reasons. This is not "Satan" misleading us into wrong ways. We are most certainly truth seekers. We want to know the truth, and I cant say for anyone else (although I can say most do), but when I was having my doubts, I would pray to Jehovah or God, or anyone who can hear me, "PLEASE, LET ME KNOW THE TRUTH! LET ME FIND SOME TYPE OF SOUND EVIDENCE THAT YOU EXIST!" To this day, I say that, and still have an open mind about things, but the fact is, to this day, I have never found any sound evidence for God. If you want to go ahead on blind faith, that's fine, that no evidence hasn't stopped some grown adults from believing in Santa Clause (some do believe, not in the same way as delivering presents to everyone of course, but flying reindeer and a big fat immortal guy twhich employs elves? Yeah.) They believe that with blind faith. Heck, you can believe in anything with blind faith, right? The point is, they tell you it's the truth, but what evidence do you have to go on with that belief? The evidence they give you? This is what I had to do when I was trying to "Make the truth my own." Going into baptism seemed like a no-brainer to me. "Yea, yeah, make the truth my own, I know. Ive read the 7 reasons why the Bible is authentic. I'm thoroughly convinced this is the truth. Ive told Jehovah I dedicate my life to do his will. I've MADE the truth my own!" And I'm sure many if not most JWs have said just that, without really researching the evidence for THEMSELVES! So what made me finally see for MYSELF the evidence? The answer is simpler than you would think. Just simple brain development and age... You know that as a very young child, you will believe most thing your parents tell you! And I'm sure you've been pranked more often when younger. The more young, the more gullible. Then you begin to think independently and for yourself when you grow older. Whatever someone tells you, you match with the things you KNOW (or supposedly know, or what you think you know) is true. Can you get pranked by someone saying the sky is red and has always been red? Of course not. Because you've seen the sky yourself and know its blue. But could a person who has never seen the sky be pranked that way? You bet! In the same way, my parents taught me everything I know about the questions of the universe. To them its all mapped out, and that's what I believed. When I got to the age of needing evidence to believe in something, much like you would need evidence if a person said your parents aren't your biological parents, they fed me shallow evidence. This is what they feed everyone who will believe it, much like how someone can give you papers with DNA samples (lets say they took your blood) saying those aren't your biological parents. This analogy in real life I think would work, for a lot of people, which is sad. People can be convinced that the people who raised them are liars, and not their real biological parents JUST BECAUSE OF SOME SIMPLE PAPERS. I wouldn't be surprised if a JW reading this right now is saying, "I don't get this analogy... if someone gave me papers with DNA samples proving I have different biological parents, well that is evidence! Why wouldn't I believe? DNA is PROVEN to be effective at proving genetics...." Well, if your thoughts are these, maybe that is why you are still a witness.... Now I got to an age or brain development where shallow evidence or evidence another person gives me is not enough, I wanted to look at the evidence for myself, research the sources and "make sure of all things fine", so I can be encouraged and mass that encouragement on to others and save peoples lives! In other words, instead of trusting in what a paper tells me about my DNA, I want to verify this by getting another alternative, but more importantly, VERIFY THE CREDENTIALS OF THE PERSON GIVING ME THESE PAPERS! You see? You cant take everything at face value! If you are a JW now, have you verified them when you first were studying with them, converted or born-in? And not just believing what the JWs have told you, but researching them yourself! Or any religion for that matter. THOROUGH RESEARCH. I am totally stunned at the amount of people who do not do this with their religion, whichever that is. In fact, having asked my parents, they are among these. No wonder! Would you trust credentials given to you by the very person you want to verify blindly? Not checking in with whoever issued those credentials? Doesn't make sense to me. In fact, there are many scams run which has someone wearing or showing a fake police badge in order to gain a persons trust. The mere fact that these things happen show the ignorance of a lot of people in this world! Please do not be like those people. Heck, there are even athiests who don't really know why they are athiests, or agnostic thiests who don't know why they are that me. Those people are still ignorant, but at least they don't believe everything a piece of paper says. So. I researched. I researched everything. I refuted findings with things from the Watchtower library, but some things I was not able to refute. I researched JWs, and couldn't believe some of the things I read right in the publications IN CONTEXT! I wont mention anything here, because you should do your own research as I have. There is nothing wrong with reading "the enemy"'s writings. If you are in the truth, it will stand up against all shallow evidence. You will research for yourself whether this is true, and you can even ask for Jehovah's help. If you cannnot resaerch for yourself and see if the teachings and the Bible itself is true, how in the world will you convince OTHERS??? This is what I came to the conclusion of. I have to prove this, because if I cant prove it, how do I expect others to convert??? Seriously. Think about that. So I did my research for a long time. I learned things. About the Bible and JWs. The things Ive learner then I would consider now dealbreakers. But I was in denial. Its human nature. You hear about it all the time. When close one dies, when you lose you job, when some life changing event happens; like your favorite team losing the Super Bowl. XD haha. Denial can set in. So what did I do? I prepared a finale. I had a plan. If my "truth" is REALLY the truth, I would be able to win a debate against anyone, hands down, right? Its simple. Win a debate against knowledable people on a scientific forum. In my mine, the reason why athiests are athiests is because they know mainstream religion is wrong. Why else would highly knowledable people, scientists, professors, physcologists, (oh my!) be athiests? The Catholics lose to athiests, sure, because its false religion, but to the truth? Of course not. Its the truth! How could you argue with the truth?!??? I mean, seriously. =/ I figured I could actually convert everyone who was smart, and wouldn't just go around in circles, or not answer my points, or just leave, etc. Well, long story short, I failed that debate miserably and ultimately was the turning point for me. And don't think I gave up easily, or it was because I was shallow, or I didn't have knowledge, etc. It was none of that; I argued for like, 60 pages or so. If they beat me on 1 point I would move on to the next. Granted, I did Cathy them a few times, but in the long run, that never mattered, it was only trivial points that never added to the overall teachings. It made me realize how full of holes the doctrine was and the Bible in general. I reccomend you do the same. Debate with those at SciForums or similiar and you will see how the evidence you thought you had can be picked apart with solid logic, or evidence. Well that's basically my story, Im still learning now and still with an open mind, but I never found that evidence I was looking for. But 1 starting point for your research I want to mention is the date 607 BCE as the destruction of Jerusaluem. As you know, if that date is wrong, then the whole 1914 date is broken. Most scholars do not believe in that date. How could they? The society itself published the years each king served in Babylon from Nebuchadnezzar to the fall of Babylon. All you have to do is count the years each king served after Nebuchadnezzar, and then add 43 years, which was the reign of Nebuchadnezzar. You should have gotten 66/67 years, which if you add to the year of the fall of Babylon which everyone agrees on: 539 BCE you get 605/606 BCE (539 + 66/67). So 605/606 was the START of King Nebuchadnezzar's reign. Now 2nd Kings 25:8-10 tells us that Jerusalem was destroyed in the 19th year of Nebuchadnezzer's reign, so if we go forward 19 years from 605/606 B.C. we will have the approximate years of the destruction of Jerusalem. Nineteen years after 605/606 B.C. brings us to 586/587 B.C. which agrees with all secular evidence, NOT 607 BCE. The proof is in the pudding. Now for some extra damage, the JWs use the phrophecy of Daniel 9:1-2 and the phrophecy of Jeremiah 25:11-12 that the Jews would be exiled 70 years, so if you count back 70 years then that brings you from 607. BUT WE JUST PROVED BEYOND ANY SANE PERSON'S REASONABLE DOUBT THAT IT WAS NOT 607, IT WAS 586/587!!!! This contradicts both the teachings of the Society AND the Bible! It knocks the ball right out of the park. Not to mention that the Bible condemns homosexuality, when its been proven beyond a reasonable doubt that homosexuality is not a disease, its not a choice, its not a mental illness, and it is not a birth defect. We know this for a FACT. Not to mention that animals sometimes practice homosexuality, and we know that nothing has changed with the animals since Adam and Eve according to Society teachings. This begs the question, why would God codemn homosexuality in humans, but put it in animals? And in some animals, but not others. That's if you ignore the obvious question of why would he codemn something he put naturally in humans. O.o And if that doesn't convince you; why is there no reference in the scriptures of intersex people? Surely if the Bible was inspired of God, he would know about intersex people??? Would it be homosexuality if an intersex person married a man OR a woman? The Bible makes no mention of this. Probably because it would conflict with the homosexuality condemnation.... I've just had a debate about homosexuality and the Bible and let's just say that now that I'm on the right side of the debates, I'm winning a whole lot more. Haha. And with no sneaky tactics. Oh, and what about the Tower of Babel? Sure, it might have been real, but do you really think an Almighty God would be worried about man reaching heaven? Haha, that's just rediculous. He would know if they could even build as far as the outer limits of the atmosphere, they wouldn't he able to breath anymore. God would not be threatened by that. And don't even say that was figurative. It says right there in the Bible. Also, I don't see anything happening now with the many sky scrapers we have. What about the pyramids? Those certainly were impressive equally so. Why didn't the languages become spread then? Its just a fictional story which might be based on an actual tower which explains the different colors and languages... anyone can see through that. Now its time to do your researching. ;) Now if it wasn't already clear, I am an agnostic athiest, meaning I don't think there is a God, but I am open minded to any evidence that can turn up proving God. This is how most athiests are. We don't say "there is no God. Period." All we want is proof. We are truth seekers. The thing is, now if I tell my folks they will shun me and I will become disfellowshipped and never talk to my folks again even though we are very close. This is what we mean when we say JWs break up families. They say it is for our own good and for love, but that is just not the case when we are almost 100% firm in our beliefs and we are most certainly NOT coming back! That does us no good. We wont try to put our beliefs on you if you don't want to hear it. I don't know why the JWs enacted this policy. What makes a disfellowshipped person any different from a worldly person? Basically no difference. I don't see the reason why you have to completely shun your FAMILY MEMBER for goodness sake. All they have to say is, "Just don't let any unchristian-like conduct spread to you. If you notice unchristian-like qualities, then it is up to your own decretion on what to do. Shunning THEN may have to be done as a last resort. I certainly wouldn't act any differently in my folk's company if I were disfellowshipped.... Now I have to pretend to be a Witness when I'm not. Is there any difference? Lol.... I made a pact with "God". This is what I say: "If you are really listening, and want me to do something, I will do it out of free will if you give me good solid evidence to prove you are real, if not, then you are either not real, or you don't want me to do anything for you. If what the JWs say is true (even though there is clear evidence showing its not), then if you don't want to provide me evidence, then you don't want me as a servant of yours, and even though I would WANT to be the servant of the one who created me, who am I to shove myslef on God? Maybe God wants people dumb and with blind faith (in all seriousness, im not being sarcastic or condescending). Thank you, and I have nothing but kind wishes for all of you. Regards.

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