Another day, another apostate. Here's my story. (page 3)

I Want to Believe

I wish I had more time to respond to everyone right now, but, as you probably know, this site doesn't play well on mobile devices or work-standard browsers, which greatly limits my posting window.

mind blown

Hello and Welcome IW2B...

I'm fairly new here, about a year.

Has anyone noticed the amount of new ones flocking to JWN "as of late"?! Growing each day!

I'm looking forward to your views on Paul. I'm actually now trying to figure him out.

skeeter1

Welcome! Like you, I was "raised in" and "raised out" at the same time. THanks, you reminded me how screwed up I really am!

Skeeter

FreeAtLast1914

Congrats on waking up, IWTB! It is very liberating to come out of that atmosphere, but the journey out (and the pain along the way) will be well worth it.

As you've discovered, info dumps are generally bad. The fact is the people still "inside" that mentality will see this as a hostile action meant to destroy their faith in God. You know different but they don't. So you have to take it slow so as not to trigger their indoctinated defense mechanisms.

Fading will be tough, but it can be made easier by not confiding in anyone (with the possible exception of your wife). They will write you off as spiritually weak, but will not generally distance themselves from you if you aren't engaged in info dumps. Even minor questions will trigger their defenses, so you have to keep telling them something like "I'm just really busy right now with work." That'll lump you in with a high percentage of JWs who are caught up in life rather than being at the meetings. You won't be a threat to them, which will allow you access to them and maybe someday you could spark some interest in others doing a little digging. None of this is possible if you tell anyone you have question, though.

And about the mid-life crisis part, don't let the JWs close to you keep you from enjoying what's left of your life. Take charge of your direction, give in to your desires (at least the ones your wife won't mind), enjoy an occasional cigar, go to a Christmas party, have fun at a casino. Whatever it is you want to do, don't put it off too long or THAT will become a regret as you get older.

Either way, glad you made it out (mentally, anyway) and enjoy your journey!

cofty

Welcome, thanks for posting your story so far.

Edited to add -

I've realized "worldly" people aren't evil. My disposition has never been better. I actually care about others now.

Just wanted to highlight this very common experience.

ABibleStudent

Welcome ((((((((I Want to Believe)))))) to JWN. I hope that you and your family can fade successfully together. You have been through a lot because you were born into a dangerous cult. If you haven't read Ray Franz's books (i.e., "Crisis of Conscience" and "In Search of Christian Freedom"), it might help you to read them to your wife. Reading Steve Hassan's books (i.e., "Combatting Cult Mind Control" and "Releasing the Bonds: Empowering People to Think for Themselves") will help you to communicate more effectively with JWs who are in cult-mode. Best wishes for you and your family.

Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,

Robert

ScenicViewer

Welcome I Want, and thank you for an excellent read; it was enjoyable.

You hit on a few points that really brought back some memories. You said,

"...when the monthly requirement was lowered to 70 hours, I just couldn't do it anymore. I'd burned out and was feeling guilty."

Oh how I remember those burn out days. Like you I became a MS very quickly. I spent gobs of time in the field ministry, often working alone. After a few years, I began to feel ill when in service. Finally, one day it hit me hard; I was nauseated. I leaned over at the curb and vomited. I wasn't reallly sick at all; the 'sick' feeling had been building for some time when I went in service. That was the end of my days of putting massive amounts of time into the door-to-door work. At first I worried that there was something wrong with me, but now it's clear that I had burned out from doing something that was unproductive and meaningless. My body had finally rebelled. I wish my mind had responded at the same time because I would have left the organization much sooner than I did.

You also said,

- "I've realized "worldly" people aren't evil.

- My disposition has never been better.

- I actually care about others now."

Ditto to all of the above. Getting free of the depressing restaints and the constant feeding of controlled information has been liberating and has allowed my real personality to surface.

Thanks again for the great post. It's a solid reminder of things I had forgotten, and provides sound reasons to never return to the Watchtower.

dog is god

Welcome. My thoughts are with you. I don't live in Alaska but I go there quite a bit.

ziddina

Welcome, I Want to Believe!!!

Dunno whether you'll be familiar with this, since your JW upbringing may have restricted your access to "pop" culture...

i want to believe xfiles

Zid - the board's She-Devil

3rdgen

Welcome Iwantobelieve, I am a 3rd generation born in on both sides. To even question JW's being Gods sole organization was unthinkable to me not so long ago. Now here I am hoping to give encouragement to "Apostates". You have joined a great group of folks who really know what the process of leaving entails. Their advice comes from trial and error and with the sole intention of being of help. All the best to you on your journey!

Another day, another apostate. Here's my story.

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